My husband has always been pretty jealous an controlling, but now it seems to be getting alot worse..........he works way too hard, does not care about a social life at all, does not want to have any friends....only thing for him is work.......but he does not want me to have a social life either, he is only happy if I'm at home always.......I feel the need to have friends, go out.........this makes him very upset............it's really bothering me now! he says I'm the one with the problem, not him, somedays I feel like I'm going to go insane...........
2006-10-27 05:36:40 · 45 answers · asked by T 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried speaking my feelings to him many times, he gets angry and tell me if I want to go out he won't stop me........but then he gets very angry for few days and things get worse.......so I try to avoid this ...
2006-10-27 05:43:53 · update #1
Thank you all for your wonderful answers,
Larry G.......you can email me if you really want to compare notes.
2006-10-27 06:00:56 · update #2
Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. I feel your pain... Your question is not very encouraging, though, because I'm there, but we've only been married for five years. I'm sure my man is not the only one to blame, but he sure is a lot of it...
I feel like a prisoner, sometimes. I have a judgement from a wreck when I was 16 that prevents me from driving. I left my job at his request. Now, I am home, every single day... No car, no friends. We are broke and could use another income, but he wants me here. When we can only afford to pay one of the cell phone bills, he pays his and I get shut off. I have little to no connection to the outside world. I joined myspace.com to reconnect with some old friends from high school that had been on my mind lately. He joined, too, and one of the things he does faithfully is check my friends list for new names and question me about how I know them...
I am a Christian, and am having a hard time with this submission issue. Where is the line between being a submissive wife and a doormat? I'm feeling more mat-like lately. I also don't want to leave, because I really do love him, and know that he loves me. Also, we have two kids, and they would be devastated. But I feel like I am suffering to make everyone else happy. Who is making sure that I am happy?
I wonder sometimes if it's not better to be trapped at home, though. I mean, I feel like I'm starved for attention. The other day my mother took me and the kids to a Mexican restaurant and the waiter was very flirty. I'm not promiscuous or unfaithful, but I was completely dishing it back... It was just so nice to be the center of someone's attention. It kinda scares me, though. I'm pretty glad that I don't know any guys or go anywhere without mine... I'm afraid that it'd be too easy to get caught up in a moment and screw something up.
Sorry, I don't have an answer for you. And without knowing both of you, no one probably will. But I wish you the best of luck. I'll be praying for you, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message or mail me anytime... And if you find the answer, let me know... ♥
2006-10-27 08:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Butterfly ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this one, in the same boat ! You said he was like this before but gotten worse? Well, first off, age has something to do with it. He's getting older; as you; and the longer they control, the worse it becomes. My man prefers no one over, stay right at home day after day, doing the same thing....... A RUT!! Women are more outgoing than men and we don't like the "coop" any more. Guess you can say that they (men) are set in their ways now since it HAS gone on awhile. You can try talking to him but if like mine, won't do much good. You can either be firm and do what you RATHER do than just sit at home OR.... go along with it. I wouldn't advise leaving unless that is how you feel. I know I "want" to leave mine but I also know he loves me. I'm a independant person, outgoing, sparky........ well, I should say I "was"! Not so outgoing anymore. Husband has drained most of that. BUT I have started going out with friends, doing mostly what I want and will not let him provoke a BIG argument out of it. " You do what you LIKE to do and I will do what I LIKE to do". One of you shouldn't be unhappy just to make the other one so(happy)! He sounds insecure somehow like mine. Just the way they are , I guess. Do what you feel in your heart AND mind! Don't go from what we would suggest although all advice comes in handy so it's best to read all and take the parts that helps the most!! Good luck!
2006-10-27 06:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by GardenGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has been going on for 15 years? This is going to take a long time to fix. It sounds like he is very insecure, hence the controlling nature. Because it has been going on for 15 years, he does not see why things would now change. This has probably made him even more insecure trying to figure out why things were great for fifteen years (in his mind), and now you want to change your social behavior. Patience and counseling is your answer. He will probably also need separate counseling to deal with his insecurities, but at least get him to Marriage counseling. You will have to take a stand here, because I do not believe he will go easily. You will have to explain to him that this is not a new issue, but has been an issue for the past 15 years. Good Luck!
2006-10-27 05:50:12 · answer #3 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has revolved his world around you and his job which are the only things that make him happy. Unfortulately for him, there are other things in life that makes you happy. Do not make it an issue though. You should indeed go out when you want but give him enough time to get his emotions together. Do not stay at home to keep him content. He will have to get used to your having a life without him. Just let him know that you love him but need to have a little time to yourself. He may pout and act like a baby but do not cave in. Do not live your life around him because you will have resentment towards him. Always come home at a respectable time and do not do anything that you would not want him doing. Remember that you are a married woman and things will be okay.
2006-10-27 05:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with u wanting a social life. what u need to remember is, u entered into a marriage which makes u part of a union of 2 people. if u wanna go out. go. just do it during the times he isn't gonna be home waiting for u. go to lunch or to the mall or to a movie with a GIRL friend while he's working. but make sure you're home when he is so he doesn't feel neglected. i understand your frustration but u hafta find the balance. try to find a way to get what u want without taking time away from your marriage.
2006-10-27 05:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I'll go with the counseling bit, even if you have to go alone. The tight leash he has on you indicates that he is an insecure guy. That fact that you are allowing it indicates that so far, it has been okay. Now it is not. We all change. Seek some professional help, hon. Your hubby has a problem, not you. We as people are social animals -- we like company. If he wants to work all day, fine. That you should have to be trapped and go nowhere but wish to, is not fine. Get some help, sweetie.
2006-10-27 06:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not like my answer. But here goes. Without God in your marriage this is what happens. You need to have balance in your life. You need a social life. A womens Bible Study that lifts you up. Christ never wanted women to be lorded over. There is a difference in being head of the house and putting his thumb on your life and telling you that you can't go out and be social. His life style will kill him so he too needs a social life. Food for thought.
Retter Ran
2006-10-27 05:51:01 · answer #7 · answered by Retter Ran 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SOME MEN ARE POSSESIVE. This is not a healty relationship. He should be trusting of you after 15 years together. Relationships are two sided, yours and his. It works both ways. If you give him reason to be jealous then of course he wont trust you. If you dont, then it is his problem.
You both need to get help, a therapist. This problem needs to be worked on. He needs to start small and allow you to have bits of freedom. As he begins to trust you then you can have more. It is his problem not yours but you can slowly get him used to the idea. Maybe he had a mother or father that was less than trustworthy so it has brought fear to his relationship.
You need to have friends and get out of the house in a good way. Tell him you want to go bowling, see a movie, eat out, go to a girlfriends house, take a class, go do fun activities.
It is your RIGHT, dont stay locked up forever it is not good for your health.
2006-10-27 05:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him about your needs. Introduce him to your friends. If he gets upset, tell him that you NEED to have some outside interest. There is nothing wrong with you! Tell him you'd like to start going out once awhile and just go ahead and do it! Enjoy yourself. don't come home too late if you have kids.. Are you worried he is going to beat you up. If he is physically abuse, better leave. Marriage is not supposed to be a like being in a prison. You have the right to have a life of your own too.
2006-10-27 05:49:08 · answer #9 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's taking you with none attention and he has no appreciate for you. he's performing like he figures you will consistently be around regardless of what he does or doesnt do, so he will do merely the minimum that's needed of him. he's previous the point interior the dating the place he's making an attempt to impact you or win you over. He even has you confident that each and every thing is your fault, and that's YOU that needs to alter. this could be a administration mechanism. as long as you sense defective and unworthy of something greater useful, you arent going everywhere. I as quickly as had a dating the place the guy might get mad at ME using fact I "made" him hit me. no count what he did, he consistently made it MY fault. In time, I felt like i became properly worth below the canines poop on his shoes, and that i became fortunate to have him. even whilst he cheated on me, he stated it became my fault. What I couldnt be certain became, if i became any such terrible guy or woman, why didnt he sell off me? the sole changing you're able to desire to do is to get removed from this guy, and the sole component you're doing incorrect is staying with him. he's squashing you like a computer virus with the intention to maintain administration over you. i be attentive to it extremely is greater handy stated than executed to leave your husband, yet in keeping with possibility a tribulation seperation might knock some experience into him.
2016-11-25 23:26:11 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋