What you fear you create ?

Question

I’ve heard that if you are worried that your spouse will cheat on you that you create it. Do you agree ?
Say you were a person that wasn’t going to cheat but had a spouse that was very suspicious about it would that cause you to cheat ? Has anyone cheated purely for that reason ?

Answer 1

no i do not believe that if you fear that your spouse will cheat will cause him to cheat. don't believe people cheat because of that, and if they say they did, it is just a lame excuse to turn it around and lay blame on the other person.

Answer 2

When people are worried about their spouse cheating, there are three groups of those people I believe. There is the group who worries because they are just insecure about themselves or their relationship and it is more internal. There is a group who have been hurt bad in the past and they are leery about the next relationship (and have every right to be). The other group worries because they know their spouse and are connected to them. Then the red flags start going off it is because of their intuition that something isn't right, most of the time this group might be on to something.

People cheat for various reasons. Probably the 2 top reasons are that they are selfish or they "feel" that they are not getting their needs met in that relationship. There are many other reasons like the trill or adrenaline, experimentation, etc..

Now have people cheated because they merely thought their spouse was cheating? I am sure that has happened. Every adulterated act is different just like every relationship is different and made up of different individuals. But if one suspects the other in infidelity, they should approach their spouse ASAP and communicate immediately before it does get out of hand. Better than that is to communicate well, meet each other's needs, and gain tools to help make the marriage stronger - preventive measures to cheating in an exclusive relationship.

Answer 3

People that are insecure tend to be suspicious and concerned about abandonment frequently. The push question and check all the time, which could drive the other to cheat. If being accused why not do the crime.
But in the same note. Trust your intuition. If your mate is giving you good reason, enough to make your inner radar go off. There is most likely a good reason.
I am guilty of cheating. Not proud of it. It was when my husband and I were split up but still trying to work things out. I felt it was cheating and felt badly about it. Until I found out he'd been seeing someone else.
My reason was because I felt by the time we separated that I was unwanted, second best and undesirable. I believe I did it now to feel whole again. To know that there were people out there that made me feel all the things I was missing in my marriage.

Answer 4

It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I believe it is true. If you think something is happening, or going to happen....you can change your behavior (either knowingly or not) and affect the situation differently than otherwise. This can influence an outcome. So, acting insecure over if someone would cheat or not, might cause your partner to get turned off by your insecurity and find someone else. Whereas if you didn't think about it, and acted secure and confident, you partner would think you were the bomb and not look elsewhere. It sort of works like that.

Answer 5

No, but I married a cheater ...and I saw the red flags way before and chose to ignore it. Love is blind ...sometimes...or rather, it makes you blind.

But fearing that your spouse will cheat will not make him cheat...you might drive him to cheat if you became overtly suspicious and anxious. Let go of a relationship if you can resolve feelings of this nature.

Answer 6

I believe that distrust in a marriage can lead to a lot of things, including infidelity.

Being accused of something over and over again gets old fast! Eventually, it would be possible for the person being accused to take on the attitude - "I might as well do it, she accuses me of it anyway." I don't think their is ever a justification for cheating on your spouse. It is wrong, and whatever the reason for it, it is still wrong!

But I do believe that there is something to the saying "be careful what you wish for".

Answer 7

Yes it is true but not for the reasons you think. I think that your partner would just eventually get driven crazy by your insecurities and will eventually cheat. Dont put that much pressure on your relationship. Nobody likes to be with someone that is so insecure about themselves its a complete turn off. But everybody has their own perspective and it may not come to pass that he does cheat. But I wouldnt risk it, lay off there are so many things that can happen and guess what you wont be able to control them. Dont drive yourself crazy and him crazy over things that you cannot control.

Answer 8

No I have never cheated over a suspicion. I did divorce my ex hubby over a few facts and his drinking problem. Yes, I did cheat on him, why not he didn't care about me. You can create your own problems by obsessing over something that is not happening and push your partner away by doing so. I am just saying check it out before you assume it, then if it is going on dump them. If its not happening you could lose out on a good life with that person by playing these games. Get counseling if you can't stop being paranoid about it. (if it's not happening)
~Good Luck~

Answer 9

i always feared my husband would cheat and I always keep asking him if he was cheating on me. And then sure enough he did cheat on me and I think it was because I was the one that put the idea in his head. I think if you dont trust them that it puts pressure on the marriage. But I also did have reason to suspect cheating in the first place.

Answer 10

no i don't agree! why are you afraid that he will cheat? has he done if before or have you've been cheated on before? i think that if you are scared he will cheat that you having those feelings will cause problem in it self in the relationship! but if you have a gut feeling that he is cheating than he probably is i am a strong believer in women's intuition!!