My fiancee has two children from a previous marriage, ages 9 and 12. When we first got together, me and the kids hit it off immediately, and I was relieved that we got along so well. I take his daughter shopping at the mall, take them both out to eat, and buy little gifts for them from time to time, just because I genuinely like them so much. But lately, I have started sensing some sort of resistance or resentment from them. They won't listen to me when I tell them small things, like, "please brush your teeth" or "please put on your seatbelt" and things like that. When their father isn't here, they do as they please, and I have heard them talking on the phone saying unflattering things about me to their friends, and even to their father. I don't "tattle" on them, but I DO tell my fiancee when I feel that I have been grossly disrespected. he talks to them about it and makes them apologize, but then they just do it all over again another day. Why the sudden change?
2006-10-27 04:51:44 · 3 answers · asked by south_san_chica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Simply put: They're kids. What were you doing at their age?
2006-10-27 04:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seemed to be confused over whether you want to be a parental figure, or a friend to his kids. You arent marrying them, you are marrying him. Divorced children naturally resent anyone that marries a parent. It signifies that their last hope that the 2 people they love the most will get back together is over. Dont act a parent to these kids, or as their friend. Be respectful, and cheerful, but let the parents do the parenting. It wont hurt to tell them that you have no intention of being a parent to them, that you already know they have 2 parents. And above all, keep your complaints and any hurt feelings to yourself.
2006-10-27 05:00:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I deal with this every day of my life. My step kids live with us. Their Mother is JEALOUS of me. When ever I do something nice for them and they tell her...she listens to the whole phone conversation and then at the end she gives them something to hate me for. I think they resent you just because you aren't their Mom also. I am a stay at home step mom and when I ask them to pick something up or do something....I get the "you aren't my mom". I tell them that I am an adult and they should have respect for me and do as I say. I feel for you girl....I'll pray for you tonight. I don't want your life to be like mine.
2006-10-27 07:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋