I have had 3 miscarriages and one normal pregnancy. My little girl is 6 months old and i believe that I just miscarried twins. It has broken my heart. My husband said that it was just a tissue mass and not a baby yet. I believe that a baby is a baby from the moment of conception. He just doesn't understand. I know he was trying to make me feel better by trying to make it see like a less of a loss. However he was dwelling on it because he kept saying the same thing all night. I just feel so down. I dont know how to get over another one. I am grateful for the daughter I have, don't get me wrong, but this just hurts so badly. Just the loss of life hurts. We love children. He also says something about a spirit not being ready to enter the world. What do I do?
2006-10-27 04:50:21 · 12 answers · asked by grimmy19812000 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I believe like you do, that life begins at conception. It makes miscarriage so much harder to know that this little life has ended so suddenly. I would talk to a pastor or a counselor. Your husband may never understand, although it sounds like it's hitting him hard too. Maybe what he's saying is lessening the blow for him. Take care of you because as weird as it sounds, you may need to be there for your husband.
2006-10-27 05:00:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It could be he's saying what he's saying because he feels the loss, too. It might be his way of dealing with the loss.
My mother had a stillborn child 2 1/2 years ago. Before she ever actually grieved, she would tell me that it was probably better for the child not to have been born alive since he had trisomy 18 and was not expected to live past a year if he would have been born alive. She doesn't feel this way now because she did come to terms with it and let herself grieve, but the loss of a child is a hard thing to accept.
Another thing: a mother is more intimately in tune with the life inside of her than a man is. A woman knows she is pregnant. A man doesn't get to feel all the things women feel, so pregnancy is different for men than it is for women.
If it really starts to bother you, tell your husband that to you it wasn't "just a tissue mass"; to you, it was a child. No one should tell you otherwise. Hang in there. Miscarriage is a loss of life in my opinion. I wish you best of luck.
2006-10-27 06:39:39 · answer #2 · answered by nenya_of_adamant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Waht you need to do is go online and print out pictures of a fetus and give them to him, and explain to him, the loss of life issue. Most of all, he just needs to understand that it hurts you. Maybe take him to some websites about medical issues and have him read up on depression and how it works. It may be hard because if he feels that it's just a tissue mass, he may not budge, but maybe that's his way of making you comfortable with the loss. Keep talking to him and don't give up, most of all cherish the one you do have, they grow up way too fast, I have a 15 year old and miss the younger years, he'll be gone in 2 1/2 years and I dont feel I cherished him enough... Good Luck...:0)
2006-10-27 05:01:17 · answer #3 · answered by denise d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Husbands cope with it in yet differently to females as we bond with our toddlers as quickly as we hit upon we are pregnant and definite I believe you that they are toddlers from the 2d of concept. He possibly is in basic terms attempting to make you experience greater efficient, adult males have a humorous way of attempting to assist and he's hurting too. I had 3 miscarriages and a stillborn toddler and it replaced into quite painful and not some thing which you will ever recover from, in spite of if it gets greater efficient. You the two could desire to grieve. Why no longer attempt an online team for toddler loss. I even have joined some and discover them a astounding help as all of the females are worrying and understand. conversing to different females in a matching place as you will make you experience so lots greater efficient.
2016-10-03 00:41:58 · answer #4 · answered by vishvanath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not just a question on whether the fetus had a spirit or not. You are suffering a loss and your husband is not being there for you. The fact that he sees fetuses differently than you is beside the point. I suggest marriage counseling to help your marriage be a two-way street.
2006-10-27 04:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be trying to stay strong for you but inside he may be greiving as you are. Men try handling things differently and where the woman in their life is concerned they try to be even stronger. In my opinion you need to sit him down and talk things through, tell him exactly how your feeling and maybe he will begin to open up to you. Tell him it's ok for men to get upset and make him realise if he can't show his true feelings to you then who can he!
Don't give up with gentle persuasion i'm sure he will start talking you just have hang in there.
2006-10-27 06:11:41 · answer #6 · answered by Nix 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men just handle things differently than we do... I don't think he is trying to hurt you or change your mind, just trying to help. He is probably pretty miserable too. You need to grieve in your own way, same for him. Do whatever makes you feel better and give him the same oppourtunity.
2006-10-27 06:32:44 · answer #7 · answered by emmadropit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I beleive in abortion myself or rather I beleive it is a womans right. I know that isn't the case with you but don't worry about it. He's just trying to help you though it, and eveyone doesn't see things the same. his way of coping with pain may be to show indifference while he isn't. You can bet he feels your his child. anyone would.
2006-10-27 05:08:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are completely normal. If he doesn't understand that his own child(ren) have just passed away or just doesn't care, then that is his own problem. Tell him that he can believe whatever he wants, but YOU have just lost your babies and YOU will grieve for your loss however you please.
2006-10-27 04:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him in the balls 6 or 7 times.....that'll wake him up to it ... Hang in there babes.
2006-10-27 04:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋