me and my boyfriend have been together for over 5 years. he gave me an engagement ring but didn't tell me when we would get married. i've asked, when and he keeps saying "when the right time comes" and "some day we will". i have also asked him about living together and he says we are someday, but he prefers a house, rather than just paying rent. .finally he's purchasing a house with his family and he wants me to move in. so i asked him finally we could get married, and he said maybe it' not a good idea right now because the payments might go up or there would be problems in getting the house. i understand once you get married they look at both people like one with doesn't want to get married anymore. i'm worry that hicombine income and all. but there wouldn't be problem right or interference for the loans or anything in dealing with the house? why would he feel that he s family might be telling him stuff since they talk a lot. what do you think??
2006-10-27 04:44:11 · 23 answers · asked by black_metal_mist 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obviously your fiancee wants you in his life if he is asking you to 1) marry him 2) move in with him. Be patient. He is taking things in his own time and seems to me to be in no hurry to get married. If you feel that he is moving to slowly you might want to go ahead and then move on. Rushing him is just going to make him run scared. If you can be patient then just take things slow.
2006-10-27 04:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is a major step if you are the kind of person that will never want to take the chance you will make a mistake.
This could be his problem? The house is not an issue as until you are married it will all be on him. Only his income will be considered. Once married your income would come into play if both your names were on the mortgage. Otherwise not.
I confused about him buying this house with his family. What is that. Is that his parents? His children from another marriage? What? If you got married the fact you both have incomes would allow him to buy a much nicer house than on his own.
His problem with marriage is he may not be sure of it yet. After 5 years he should know without a doubt so could be just playing you alone to keep you around.
If you want to find out where he really is...once you have moved in....begin making marriage plans yourself. Find the church...look into getting the license....who will be your brides made, those kind of things. Remember he ask you to marry him.
At that point he will show his true colors. Even though you don't set the date the fact you are making this move will show him it is going to happen if he still wants you.
If you leave it all up to him he may always find an excuse to not do it. Get him going. Make him commit or you may be fooling away your time. The way it's going he has everything and you have nothing. If you move in there is no doubt you will be helping pay the bills but what do you have for your money. Nothing but him.
This is your life too girl. Make him be good to you or find someone that will.
2006-10-27 12:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This situation doesn't sound like two people in love planning a life together. You must evaluate why you're even having to push him on this subject because he will resent you FOREVER if he's pushed into marrying you. The plan is, you need to start to shine! The things that you know he loves about you need to stand out right now, but even if you did start to let your best side out just to marry him, that would be a manipulation, and there's no love in manipulation. This is a tough situation that will get worse if it keeps going this way, in my opinion, because it seems like too much of your identity is wrapped up in a wedding. Are you sure this is the guy, of all the wonderful men there are out there? Just because you've been together five years doesn't mean you must marry. Are you the person you really want to be, or is a lot wrapped up in what he wants. I'm just an old lady but I've come to know that when a man really likes a woman, she doesn't have to push him to want to be with her. Would anyone have to push you if you had a big crush on him, no, you'd be right there. this guy probably likes you, just doesn't understand why you're wanting the marriage so much right now. What if, after your big day, when you go home together and start living your regular life like you do now, he started to push you to move somewhere you don't want to live, or do things privately that you don't want to do? Would that make you feel loved or misunderstood and pressured? I really hope you can find your solutions by thinking through these thoughts. Noone can answer this for you. Good luck!
2006-10-27 12:16:59 · answer #3 · answered by createdorjustcrap? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, boy, does it sound like he's got an excuse for every day of the week! Face it, he's not getting married for whatever reason. Him being married wouldn't affect the price of the house or the payments. Only the people on the loan are considered, even if other adults live in the house. So if your name isn't on the loan, you're not an issue. He's giving you a load of drivel and you should start thinking about a way to get out of that relationship if marriage is important to you. Have you checked out his background? Maybe he was married before and never filed for divorce so he can't get married now? Or maybe he's got some debt issues and he doesn't want to get married since then his creditors can come after you, too?
2006-10-27 11:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by wynterwood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see no correlation between the house and you guys getting married. You need to ask him to give you concrete reasons why the timing isn't right. You need to find out if he is ever really going to marry you. If he isn't he is wasting your time. If he is a planner and wants everything perfect for the two of you then it is worth waiting for. Only you know what your perfect life would be. If it is marriage and the white fence with the kids and the dog - moving in with him is like getting half the cookie. I wouldn't move in with him if what you want is to get married. Once you move in together and are playing house he will have absolutely no reason to marry you. If you don't really mind - then do it. But either way - Hold out for what you really want!
Sorry so long winded.
2006-10-27 11:55:05 · answer #5 · answered by Stiletto ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to sell the engagement ring and maybe he will have enough money to afford HIS house!
Goodbye Charlie!!
Take a deep breath and get the heck out of there!
You deserve better!
You have forgotten all about YOU!
Leave the loser in the DUST!
Get on with your life!
You speak of it as though it is HIS situation, and you are just a side dish.
You would have such a miserable life with a creep like that!
GO! GO! GO!!
When you look back in a few years, after you meet the right guy you will thank your lucky stars you had the foresight to get out before you fell into his whirlpool and went under!
2006-10-27 11:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by NANCY K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what he is talking about with having problems getting the house, he could be married and not put your name on the loan and it would not change anything at all. My advice to you is dont move in with him until you are married, if you move in then you give him even less reasons to get married. Have you ever heard the sayin "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"?
2006-10-27 11:49:13 · answer #7 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call me old fashioned but I like to get things in the right order and I suspect your fiance might be wanting to do the same thing.
The trouble is, he dosn't really clearly give you any right answers, does he?
If you feel as though his parents may be interferring, you should ask him? Sometimes parents like to get involved, especially where money is concerned.
I really applaud him for wanting to purchase a house before marriage but marriage is also about two people and it would only seem fair if you were playing a part in this too.
You want to be able to say, "that we purchased this house together". Maybe you need to express how much you want to be involved in contributing payments to this house as well.
I don't like the sound of parental involvement.
Speak to him and share your point of view.
Good luck!
2006-10-27 11:54:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he does not really want to get married and just gave you the engagement ring so you would not leave him. Make him have a serious conversation with you about it. Tell him that if you two do not get married within the next year you will leave him.
2006-10-27 11:46:52 · answer #9 · answered by rico6288 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is stringing you along- Once you get the ring in most cases you should plan a date. Let him know that you want to get married within a year, tell him you are ready to set a date and tell him that you want to sit down and start planning it. Sweetheart you've been with him already for over 5 years! Tell him he needs to take the plunge or your gonna give him his walking papers. It's fine for him to be afraid but he gave u a ring because he wants to start a life with you. Tell him you feel he's stringing you along and you want more of a commitment out of him! Good Luck!
2006-10-27 11:59:39 · answer #10 · answered by Alesha W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm.. can we say Momma's Boy?
He'll give you a ring.. but buying a house with his family? I think SOMEONE needs to cut the apron strings.
You should seriously consider at this point if you want to even try to go through with marrying him. Will it be just you & him, or you & him & his family? Sounds like odd bedfellows to me.
If he's this controlled by his family now, chances are it's not going to change once you're married.
2006-10-27 11:56:37 · answer #11 · answered by Suzuki_Mouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋