This is the dilemma: I used to have a dream about having a certain future... A future that was not really going to be happening for me, just because I had too much of fantasy what concerned love and life. (I was 17y)
Now 12 y later I found out that the person that I had this fantasy about, had exactly the same fantasy as me (and still)... We lost contact a few times during the years, but lately we talk a lot to eachother about anything and it really feels like a good friendship...
The only thing is that I do have a boyfriend (already for 7y now). And he is great too. But at the moment we are going to a rough time. I don't want to loose him because I really love him. (and I would never cheat him)But I sometimes miss the fireworks I heard about and I wonder if I should listen to what my heart told me all those years ago.
Is this foolish? Is there something like faith. Finding the one true love? Or is it just crap, and should I settle for what I have instead of what I could have?
2006-10-27 04:26:00 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Another great question. True love does exist of course! :) It is a great thing when two people love each other, a true and pure love, a love that was meant to be. Each of us exists in this time, here and now, but consider this: we have also existed in previous times. This person you felt that connection with may have been someone very special to you in a past life and your mind recognizes his energy as very balanced with yours. Energy is what regulates and gives beauty to love, for it is love, we are love. The person you are with now: if he is right for you, you already know this. Do not be afraid, however, to be honest with yourself and with him. Talk with him if you can. Find out who you really are and the answers will reveal themselves. Do not worry about doing something right or wrong: there is no right and wrong. Do not be afraid to live, to let go, and to embrace. This is my advice to you. :)
2006-10-27 04:41:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A thoughtful question. There are a few things you may want to consider (some you may already have).
First, while you have been in a relationship with a bf for 7 years (longer than some marriages), you speak of going through some rough times. Were you thinking of this other person when you and your bf were going through good times?
Secondly, one should never feel that one is "settling" for a relationship. Comfort is good, but there needs to be something else in place to help ensure an enriching relationship.
Thirdly, if you do decide to stay with your current bf, unless there is an epiphany of love and joy experienced between you, you will always have this nagging wonder - what if? - unless you discover that this other person "wasn't all that and change."
Finally, while it is scary to give up something you know for the potential of something better (remember Aesop's fable of the dog and his reflection?), you are going to have to make a choice. Love is not just something that happens: it is something you do. There is a lot of myth and confusion about "love," that somehow we are assigned just one (if you're lucky) and if you are looking the right way, you will find Mr. or Ms. Perfect. The initial feelings of heart palpitating lust "get us started" in a relationship, but this isn't love. It's pretty exciting and sometimes overwhelmingly obsessive, but it isn't love. It's the "foot in the door."
Weigh all of these things before you decide. At some point, you will have to trust yourself and your instinct. Whatever the outcome, you will be able to say you made your choice honestly. If either of these guys really love you, they will be ok with the choice you make.
2006-10-27 11:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Finnegan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the other person hadn't arrived on the scene, would you still feel like you're "settling" for the first one? If so, I think it's time to break up as nicely as possible. No one should have to settle. It's not good for you and it's not good for the other person involved. Maybe that's why you're still dating and not married after 7 years. I'm not saying he's wrong for you, but I am saying that you should really think about it and figure out if he's really the one or not.
As far as the second man goes. You won't know what you could have until you have it. What your imagination says you could have may not be reality. It could be reality, but who knows? All those first fireworks calm down over time. You need a strong, loving relationship with someone in order for it to last after the fireworks are over. There's more to life and love than fireworks, believe me.
Everyone can get on here and give you their opinion, but they aren't you. They don't know exactly how you feel and what these other men are like. You can get feedback from people, but only you should make the decision. It's your life and you will have to live with the consequences of your decision, good or bad, for the rest of your life. Weigh this out carefully and don't rush the decision.
2006-10-27 11:41:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I will search my heart.Deep.
There are two incidences that happened 1. Rough time with your boyfriend 2. You found the other person you had fantacised . If the 2nd happened after your 1st ( rough time). then it is sheer escapism. Even if you feel drawn to the first love you can never be sure if you have done the right thing. You should not end up losing both.
If I were you I would kewep up the friendship with the fisrt live going without any serious engagement.be truthful to your boyfriend. It should work well.
2006-10-27 11:38:54 · answer #4 · answered by YD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What a great dilemna! And by great, I mean HUGE. The wisest coucil you can get is to stay with the one you have and keep your friendship with Mr. Fantasy. This is the safest path, by far. There is one massive problem though... you will be haunted by what could have been. And this is not something you should take litely. Wondering about him and you and what could have been has the potential to consume you for a lifetime. Since you've already dedicated so much time and energy to this fantasy, how do you suppose to let it all go and be satisfied with your life now? Can you let go? Can you let go that part of him? That part which you want to explore? That part which you want to fulfill? That terrible longing?
If you think you are up to it, then you probably should just let the fantasy-man go. If you don't think you'll be able to, then you must decide how to proceed. Do you break up with your current love to be completely free to explore? If so, you must prepare yourself for the consequences; and a reasonable one might be that you end up with neither your current love or the fantasy love. Breaking one heart (maybe two) and maybe having your heart broken. Do you step out on your current love and pursue an affair in secret? You can see all kinds of craziness if you pursue that course. Imagine not just breaking your current love's heart but crushing his soul and turning his love for you into hatred. Are you willing to inflict that sort of pain to see your own desires through? Or do you think he could forgive you? Could you forgive yourself?
For the moment, your best bet is to find out the limits your fantasy love is willing to go with you. Is he still interested? Does he care enough about you to let you go? Does he care what happens to your current love (he may want you but that does not neccessarily mean he's void of all compasion or willing to hurt someone else just to have you)? Does he really even care about you still or is he really just trying to manipulate you to satify his lust or some darker desire?
In the meantime, determine if your current relationship is worth it. You are not married and so, you do not have a legal agreement to stay with him. If he is worth it, then maybe you should stay and finally put your fantasy aside forever.
I firmly believe in true love. You just have to decide where you think you'll find it (or maybe you already have).
In what ever you decide, I wish you the best.
2006-10-27 12:45:57 · answer #5 · answered by Dark Prince of Pomp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that there is just some sexual tension there that needs to either be talked about or left in the closet. Sometimes things aren't always what they seem. Just think if you leave your boyfriend for this other guy then what if things are worse with the new guy then they are with your boyfriend now. You might regret breaking it off with him. You should think long a hard about what you have and if you could live without him or not. Then think about what it would be like with this other guy and if it would be everything you always wanted or will it turn out to be a big disappointment. Good Luck
2006-10-27 11:41:03 · answer #6 · answered by Alisha C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, torn between two lovers: the old romantic triangle. Unfortunately, you have to choose between them, especially if one or both of them are the jealous type. It is not fair to them or to yourself. There is no status quo in a love troika.
Scientists have proven that romantic love tends to last 3 years. You are well over the hump with your boyfriend: If he is kind, respectful and makes a decent living; I would stay with him.
For some reason the grass is always greener on the unknown side of love relationships: but when you cross over the fence often times the side you were on will look at lot prettier in retrospect. We always want what we cannot have.
2006-10-27 12:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is always a problem that we see things as we want it to be than what it is!
So I guess this fantasy guy of urs is just a co-incidence of some sort or that you find solace in him since you are having a rough patch with your BF..it is more of a anchoring syndrome, if you knw what I mean..
So I would suggest that you sort things with ur long time BF whom you really love and yes you and ur fantasy friend can still be good friends!
2006-10-27 11:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by The Guru® 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 A boyfriend is not a husband, no vows have been taken, so there are none to be broken. #2 seven years is far to long to go without vows. #3 I have been in your shoes, now I wonder how I could have been so blind! I could go on, & on about the Love I have found with the man, who gave me the feelings you describe. As a matter of fact the attraction was so strong I thought it was just major temptation, & blind lust. However, after the man I devoted 10 years to, decided we had tried long enough, & said I should go, & take the kids with me. It was my Angel who came to rescue us! We are now living my dream, a happy, secure family .If your boyfriend wont commit, he may be the one thing standing between you, & your happy ending. May you be as blessed as I. YES FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, & your HEART
2006-10-27 13:34:06 · answer #9 · answered by starry_skies1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a personal choice that no one can make for you. My circumstance seems similar, but I am I, and you are you, so do what seems right for you. I settled, then the love of my life came back to haunt me. He took up residence in my heart and was part of a path that I needed to follow. So, I reversed course, when through a divorce and soon will be free to love. I hope and want to trust that he will be there for me, but that remains to be seen. I know now that I can never settle again.
2006-10-27 11:48:02 · answer #10 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋