I'm worried about the effects of my divorce on my children. Best recipe for sucess?

Question

1 year old oblivious, of course, Very perceptive 6 year old.

Answer 1

I have been through this also, I divorced my first Husband 16 years ago, my children then were 2 and 5, both girls, I decided that the best thing for the girls was if both me and their Farther were not at each others throats all the time, even though I hated him at the time, I realized that if we always argued it would affect the children and I certainly didn't want that for them, so I decided that I would be civil with him, which we were, and everything has been brilliant, the children are now 21 and 18, and neither of them have suffered for the divorce, in fact me and my husband get on pretty well with my ex husband and his wife, I even stopped at their house when I needed to go to the hospital once after my Cancer operation, I live in Spain so, they offered for me to stay at their house in Leeds, hows that for getting along. It certainly worked for all of us getting along.

I wish you well with your children, and all this divorce palaver, its not a nice thing to go through is it?

Answer 2

I have 4 daughters, When I got my divorce they were 12, 8 and 4. ( the 3 year old came with another marriage) It was difficult for them to understand at first. Now that they are all older they can see that their Dad and I are just 2 different people. Remaining very close friends with their Dad has been a great help to them. I know that this is not always possible. The other things that I found helpful was to keep things "Real" with my kids. I didnt sugar coat anything. I was gentle but realistic with them.I try never to say bad things about their Dad,(Even when I wanted to,) Try to remember that at this point life will be changing for all of you.
there will be a long time of adjusting to the new rythum of life. Your kids are young and kids can be really resilliant. They will bounce back. Answer their questions and dont be afraid to cry in front of them, Tears are part of life.Of course if it's one of those long cries you might want to be alone. Try to keep things simple with your answers for now. When your 6 year old ask's why you and Daddy are not living together you might want to saY" these things happen sometimes, but we both love you VERY much" as they get older their questions will get harder. Children ahve a way of trying to make us feel guilty about things and they can tend to use these types of situations to there benifit sometimes. Stay true to who you are and dont give into everything that they want because you feel guilty. They will be fine, there are allot of kids today going thru the same thing. Maybe even with less caring parents. Good Luck and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.
Rebecca

Answer 3

Speaking from the prospective of a step mom:

Don't avoid getting a divorce just because "of the children" -- It's usually better for children to live in a household full of love than a household full of fighting, hate, or stony silence.
When the split up happens: NEVER put the kids in the middle of arguments. Never have them ask the other parent "parental" questions. As adults, and parents, you both need to maintain a working parental relationship. You MUST remember that the kids love both parents and they should be allowed to do that. Do not try to earn favor over the other parent by buying their love. Do NOT talk down about the other in front of them, and in NO WAY try to make the kids think the other parent is "bad". Do not give the kids too much extra adult responsibility just because you may need "the help". They are still kids and need to be kids for as long as they can.

I have two wonderful adult step kids whose mother didn't follow any of those rules when they were younger, and it screwed them both up for life.

Answer 4

The one year old is not oblivious, children can feel every emotion you feel from day one. My son was two months old when my x and I started having serious problems. I knew he knew when he changed his sleeping and eating habits. My best advice is make extra time for them, extra hugs and kisses. They will, no matter what you do feel some sort of abandonment issues and you can help them with added security of knowing no matter what they can count on you to be there. It's hard because there will be a moment or two when you want to go lay in bed and cry like a baby, but you can't and if you do need that time, please call someone you love and trust to keep you company. Its healthy for you to vent and cry but unfortunately you don't want your children to see that because it may scare them. I am so sure you know all of this already I wish you all the best.

PS my son is three now and extremely happy and well adjusted and I do honestly beleive that is because he got tons of extra love, hugs and kisses.

Answer 5

My ex husband and I are the best of friend, We have always tryed to be fair with each other, I know this is hard but in the long run the children will thank you. Our yougest son is now 11 and he is always telling us that he is so happy that Mommy and Daddy can get along. Just because the two of you can be togther, doesnt mean that the children need to suffer. Just try to remember that you once loved each other and made your beautiful children and that what its really about the KIDS. Good luck I hope it works out for you. Been happily divorced with children for four years now.

Answer 6

Divorce is hard on children but you can at least help them through it. Number one thing I found helped me when I got a divorce was never ever bad mouthing their father in front of them. Communication is very important. My ex and I talked with the kids and assured them that we loved them and the divorce had absolutely nothing to do with them. Also, we made an effort to stay in the same city for a while only because we thought it was important for them to see their dad whenever they wanted to. If that's not possible, then your ex should be calling them everyday. Try to keep the peace whenever the ex comes around. Arguing and bickering with the ex in front of the kids is not healthy. Both you and your ex need to make a consious decision to respect each other and always keep the peace for the kids sake. Kids have a great way of bouncing back. They'll be fine as long as you both keep it cool and make this transition for them as easy as possible.

Answer 7

Keep your head held up high and make the best out of the bad situation. Try and be happy and make a new life for your family the best you can. Try and get along with your ex so there is not too much tension and make sure your children are happy and that there is always open communication between all of you!! Encourage them to talk about things that are bothering them and share positive resolutions with them. Try and keep the nasty things you want to say about your ex to yourself, and I wish you the best of Luck!!

Answer 8

the best approach is to explain to them that mom and dad dont get along together and have decided to live apart, explain that you both love them very much and she will still spend time with both of you. Dont give details about why you are splitting, you and the ex need to agree to never put the kids in the middle, they shouldnt relay messages, never talk bad about the ex, keep new relationships away from them for while until they can be comfortable with them

Answer 9

Get your children into child counseling. I don't know if the 1 year old is going to need it. But your 6 year old will. Do this as soon as possible. I did with my 2 1/2 year old.(yes she did need some counseling to deal with abandonment.) It will help in how they precieve their world(their family enviorment) as well as help you deal with any issues that come up. Good luck!

Answer 10

Continue open comunication with the other parent. NO FIGHTING in front of the kids. Remember, you aren't the first parents to divorce and you won't be the last. Unfortunately its very common in todays world. Almost any court would order or recomend family counseling. It is probably your best bet.