asked a question about gays and lesbians and how they become gay and i always hear its not a choice that?

Question

i always hear its not a choice thatthat way,people keep telling me its not influence or enviorment,that their born this way.then why do men and women live almost their entire life straight then find out after 10 or 20 years of marriage they are suddenly attracted to the same sex and become gay or lesbian or bi. u cant tell me their life straight was a lie and they were just hiding their feelings, somehting obviously went wrong physically or mentally to direct them this way ,it may be normal in their mind to be gay but i dont think its natural and they need help the only people who condon being gay are people who are gay,or people like parents who are forced to condon it to keep their kids love so i ask again is being gay more by influence?

Answer 1

First, all people do not 'find out' they are gay later in life. The vast majority I know are well aware of their sexuality as young people.

Second, we live in a society that disdain homosexuality. People are taught at an early age that it is a horrible thing. It is no surprise that some do all they can to suppress their feelings and desires as long as they can. Many of these people even try to live their lives as straight people, repressing even the thought that they might be gay. Can you blame them? Even our government constantly reminds them that they are second class citizens (except at tax time. Everybody is equal when it comes time to pony up the cash).

I am straight. However I believe that the unconscionable discrimination against gay people is discrimination against all citizens. If we tolerate the trampling of others rights how can we ever feel secure about our own?

Answer 2

Psychiatrists now agree that sexual orientation is set by age 5. No 5 year old chooses to be gay and it is just as unlikely that every homosexual had something happen to them before age 5 that turned them gay. I am gay. I did not chose this lifestyle nor was I molested. I was born this way. God made me this way and God doesn't make mistakes. At about age 14 I realized I liked boys like other guys liked girls. I hated it. I felt like a disgusting pervert. Tell me why anyone would choose to be labeled as "unnatural" and hated for no reason. I hid the fact I was gay until I was 19 out of shame. Some people take longer to face their shame. Some get married thinking it will make them "normal", some go into the military thinking that will "cure" them and many hide in the priesthood.
At some point whether it is 5 years or 50 years gay people eventually come to the realization that they cannot fight the way they were born. Some wait until the children have left the nest, some carry their secret to their grave.
The only thing that has happened to them physically or mentally is that they were born into a society that labeled them as sick and taught them to hate themselves and do anything they can to avoid being that way.
I do believe there are some instances of child abuse that confuse the issue, but not as a rule. Also I think sometimes women who love with their hearts that might be more willing to explore a lesbian relationship. Again I believe that number is low though.
Unfortunately, I must tell you that most people who come out of the closet late in life do so out of shame for the way they were born not because something happened to them to change thier minds.
(By the way being straight is just as "unnatural" for me as being gay is unnatural for you. And there are many instances of homosexuality in nature, perhaps you chose the wrong word.)
Hoping this will help you understand,
john

Answer 3

First of all, what you said about the only people who condone homosexuality are gay is not true at all and as a heterosexual female who finds nothing wrong with homosexuality, I find that statement quite offensive. As far as homosexuals not having a choice in who they are attracted to, I can't particularly answer that. I think that it is both instinct and choice. But I think that alot of homosexuals will get married and stay married for years before coming out of the "closet" simply to be accepted by society. Granted, our society is alot more accepting of homosexuals in the recent years, but there is still gay bashing and horrible crimes committed simply because people are afraid of something that is different. And not for nothing, but is it really much of a concern to you? Do you really have to know why people are the way they are? You cannot change people nor should you even try. So maybe it's time for you to invest your thoughts in something you actually know about rather than something you refuse to understand.

Answer 4

Homosexuality and bisexuality is natural. Whether you are born that way, choose to participate in acts with the same sex, or both, it is a natural thing. Other animals do it, and since humans are part of the animal kingdom, why cannot we do it as well? People who are born homosexual would obviously not choose to be the way they are because why would you want to put up with all the ridicule and violence directed towards you for a choice. Better to remain heterosexual if it was simply a choice. People who choose to participate in acts with the same sex after years of living as a heterosexual either are curious or just plain enjoy what they are doing. That is called bisexuality, and in fact most people are bisexual and do not even realise it for most of their lives. Some people will never know, or are just completely heterosexual.

Answer 5

I'd say all people were born straight. Like boys and girls. But... because of different forces around us like culture, family and society, which have a great impact in our growth, somehow made some people the way they are. Ofcourse one wouldn't know immediately right after birth that he's gay or she's lesbian. The environment, family and society that a person was raised will somehow affect his/her sexuality. I think the most safe question that you could ask them is "Have they encountered during their younger years a situation that made them what they are right now?" There must be something in their past that did it. And that's what we all have to find out... c",)

Answer 6

Did you choose to be straight? Of course not - you are what you are, you can't help who you're attracted to either. It's the way your brain is wired up.

Sometimes people get married and live the straight lifestyle because they're in denial, other times they do it because society can be very negative towards gay people.

I've a better question: how could anyone choose to be gay? And in such a hostile society, why the hell would you, if it was really a choice?

Answer 7

It's never suddenly. Usually the were attracted to the same sex all along, but they were living in a time and in a location where it would have been difficult to live their life that way. I think it's a combination of nature vs. nurture, you can be born gay, but live in an enviroment that isn't acceptable of your sexual preference.

Answer 8

Wow. Actually, I can tell you their being "straight" was a lie. They lied to themselves and everyone else because they didn't want to be persecuted by people like you. It is natural, and it has been since long before you were born.

Answer 9

I do not agree with your opinion, but I would advise that you listen to the answers that you have already been given from people who have been kind enough to answer you in the past.