There's a guy who works in my office who really pisses me off.......?

Question

.......by talking about random sh*t when I'm trying to reply to peoples important dilemmas on Answers. I have the following things on my desk right now:

Stapler
Hole Punch
Pencil Sharpener
Can of fly spray
Half eaten chocolate digestive
Water jug (full of water)

next time he does it, which of these should I throw in his direction? Or does anyone have a better suggestion of how to shut him up?

I have another 1 hour 40 minutes of work left......................

Answer 1

Chuck the hole punch in the air to distract him and he will automatically go to catch it, then shoot staples at him followed by a long squirt of fly spray.....now he is dazed tip water on his trousers so he looks like he has wet himself, stick his little finger in the pencil sharpener and twist!

Now relax and enjoy the 2nd half of your biscuit!

Answer 2

Walk past him carrying the jug of water and accidentally trip. Firstly he will be wet and will want to dry off so while he is away staple all his paperwork together and use fly spray to contaminate any drinks or food on his desk then leave half eaten choccie biscuit chocolate side up on his char in the hope he doesn't notice. Then not only will he be wet but he will look like he had a little accident too !
Best of luck x

Answer 3

1. Staple his tie (or trouser snake) to the desk so he can't escape
2. If you went for the trouser snake option, use the hole punch on it. It will be highly amusing when he goes to the toilet to not p!ss on his shoe
3. Pencil Sharpener - use your own imagination...i'm not saying it cos i'm a bloke and i can feel the pain just talking about it
4. Put the half eaten chocolate digestive in his mouth to gag him. Tell him if he tries to chew it or swallow it, you'll soffocate him with the fly spray.
5. Finally pour the water over him before you leave, giving him the option of staying there freezing all weekend or calling for help, much to the amusement of whoever finds him with his bits stapled to the desk. xx

Answer 4

Soak the digestive in fly spray. Place it on the floor in front of your desk. Throw the pencil sharpener at him to get him to come over. He will spot the biscuit. As he bends over to pick it up, fire a couple staples into his buttock. If he gets upset (I expect he might) tell him that he can eat the digestive. Fly spray will make him ill and he'll have to go home!

PS If he passes out because of the spray / pain, punch a few hole in his clothes for comedy value then throw the water over him!

Answer 5

Try using the stapler to staple his lips together.If that doesn't work tempt him over with the digestive and spray the fly spray over a naked flame(if you've got a lighter that is)and singe his eye-brows,don't worry if you set his whole head alight because then you can chuck the water over him.
Only 1 hour 35 to go. :-)

Answer 6

Spray some fly spray in a some water for him to drink and then hole punch his tounge so he can't talk right and sharpen his pinky finger and staple his eyelids closed so he can't find you...and guess where you can put that chocolate.

Answer 7

Offer the **** a cup of tea and lace the mug with fly spray.

The biscuit is far to valuable to throw at him so it's a definate NO. I think the hole punch would be my personal favourite...could potentially cause a fair bit of damage.

Answer 8

deck him with the water jug,stab him with the pencil,staple his eyes shut,punch him with the puncher,spray the fly stuff up his jacsy then sit back and eat your chocolate....Greetings from Glasgow...x

Answer 9

Throw anything but the choccie biscuit. Chocolate is too precious to be wasted on morons.

Answer 10

i'd throw the pencil sharpener at him followed by a spray in the face of the old fly spary!