Confused and need some Advice?

Question

I am a married mother of 2 children who has been married for almost 7 years now. Over the past couple years its gotten to the point where I feel like I have more of a roommate, than a husband. I cant even remember when the last time i heard him say, "I love you". I've often thought about leaving but something has told me not to. Maybe its all for the sake of the children, Ages 3 & 7. I know as of now, I still love him but I am not "In Love" with him.

Theres this guy that Works at the same place I do. Over the last couple of months, We have seemed to be talking more & more. I dont know what it is, but everytime I see him, I can seem to stop smiling. He just makes all my problems go away. I have often thought about, What if....", but have done nothing as of yet. This guy makes my heart beat faster.

Am I doing something wrong with the way I feel about this guy at work since I am married?? I need answers!! I'm so confused right now, I dont know what to do

Answer 1

You have 2 children that you seem to be forgetting. You owe it to them to work on your marriage and not take the easy way out for yourself. Love takes different forms at different times in your life. Just because it is not the first stage of love kind right now doesn't mean that it can't be again.
Read Dr Laura's book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands" and reevaluate you marriage. Make it work! I know you can. Just keep your kids as your driving force and you can get through this.

Answer 2

I would suggest sitting down with your husband and talking honestly with him. Keep in mind that some things that he may say you may not want to hear and you have to keep it together if you're going to hear him out. Communication is the first thing to go in a relationship and it's actually one of the top things that has to stay intact for a couple to stay together. If you're not telling him what you need from him how's he suppose to know? He thinks everything is great unless he's told. If you were to ask a husband /wife to grade their marriage most men give a higher score than the woman. Men are brought up to not be emotional so they are out of the loop as far as a womans emotional needs unless they have been brought to their attention. I've been where you are and it really leaves you feeling empty. To love someone like the love of a brother/sister is very different from to be in love and a marriage cannot usually survive on the brother/sister love. Do not stay together for the kids , they'll actually bounce back better at their young ages than if you wait until they are grown. I know because I did stay for the kids and left when they were 17 & 19 and it was held against me because I was living a lie. The guy at work you are oogling over, that is considered to be an emotion affair. This is how all affairs start and progress to bigger better things if your home life isn't attended to, to fix the problems. You need to sit down and get real with yourself and make those hard decisions so everybody can be happy including yourself! Hope this has helped, if you want to talk more you can message me....bless you

Answer 3

Stop! I hear where you may be going with this but it won't be worth it in the long run. Think back to when your husband and you were first seeing each other and the excitement you felt every time he was near. I bet it is very similar to what you are feeling with this man. This is purely the romantic angle of what all women seek and that is recognition that we are attractive and desirable. What you need to do is find go to the local bookstore and purchase a book such as 101 nights of Romance by Laura Corn. Sit down and write out how you are feeling (no mention of the guy at work though), and tell your husband how much you love him and how much you want to regain some of the earlier romance and fun that you once had. Wait until the kids are in bed and show him the book and start working on dating again. When we have kids and the responsibilities of life start to weight us down the first thing that goes is our relationships with our spouses. This is something that can be worked out and don't give up trust and security for what will probably amount to nothing more than a fling. This new guy will become just like your husband once he gets married and has kids. Its up to both people to reignite that spark. Send the kids to your parents and give both of you the gift of a fun and silly romantic weekend. Best of luck to you. God bless.

Answer 4

Hmm, sounds like the dreaded 7 year itch. Been there, done that and survived.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. It sure seems like it is though. You're feeling taken for granted right now I bet, right? Like you're in this rut and that other person is looking mighty tempting right now, huh? Been there, done that too.

What if? What if you took the energies that you'd be putting into something on the side with someone else and put them towards your marriage? Sneaking around and being dishonest hurts not only you, but your spouse and your children eventually. Again, been there, done that.

You need to sit down and talk to your husband about how you feel. Maybe he's been feeling the same way and doesn't know how to talk to you about it? Two young kids tend to drain parents and make them forget that hey, we need to focus on us for the sake of the family. Working on being a couple can only strengthen your family, not tear it apart.

Try doing stuff alone, without the kids. If you can get a sitter, then plan a night out, just the two of you. Yeah, you'll feel guilty and feel like you're being bad parents. But you're being BETTER parents by working on your marriage and keeping it together.

Please don't let your hormones dictate your next more or ruin the future of your marriage. And don't get hung up on "love" or "in love". Love is love. You love him, who cares what the title of it is?

My husband and I have been through some crap together, mostly because of me. But we just celebrated 19 years together and we're working on our marriage every day. The grass wasn't greener on the other side, the lawn I have right now is happy and healthy because we tend to it every day. If you do the same, it'll all work out for you.

God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 5

First off, the guy at work is just meeting a need that is not getting met at home. Don't mistake it for "true love" or for anything that it is not. I caution you, that there are many guys that see a woman that is not getting attention and affection at home and know that if they just show them attention and make them feel wanted, desired, attractive and valued, that they can probably get them to forget thier vows. Happens all the time and they have no more real intrest in your happiness and well being than just getting you into bed. Don't fall for this trap.

You need to sit down with your husband and talk with him. Tell him that any time anohter man shows you attention that it makes you feel good and that you know it is because you are no longer getting it at home. Tell him that you are concerned that you are starting to feel good about attention from other people and you should only get that from him. Most guys stop telling thier wives the things they did when they were dating after marriage (the seven year itch many women talk about). I like to call this the peacock syndrome. The male peacock will fan his plumage and sing out for the female peacocks to get what he wants. Once he mates her, guess what, the plumage goes down and he stops singing. Most guys are the same way, they will dress up, clean up and say all kinds of nice things, like how pretty you look, how good you smell, I love you, I miss you...etc. But after they get what they want, sex or marriage...guess what? All the sudden the getting all cleaned up for her seems to slow and the complements seem to drop off and he no longer puts the effort into winning her that he did when you were dating... It does not mean that he has stopped loving you, that he does not find you attractive, that his feelings have changed, it is just that he has you as his wife and he no longer feels the need to win your attention. Let him know it is still not only nice, but an emotional need that you have to feel important, valued, pretty and attractive to him....

Answer 6

You carry on with this other guy and I assure you, you'll be disappointed deeply. Your marriage is settling into complacency. This in itself is not bad. Love is still there but is now being edged over by security and comfort.
Let me tell you what happens with 'guys that make your heart beat faster" from work. You enter into an affair....you scre...maybe two, three, four times. He'll dump you when he tires of you. plus...he'll talk. Oh yeah.....you'll have quite the reputation around work. Of course...no one will say anything directly to you but the word will be out that you are or were a good f*ck. Just what you'd want spread all over work, right? plus...you can bet word of the fling will get back to your husband.
I'd suggest working on the romance end on your part with your husband. It may be left up to you but if this is what you want and you aren't getting the cooperation of hubby, try harder.
I'm not saying it's all your responsibilty. not at all. but as you have the complaint and he doesn't even seem cognizant of this problem, you have a responsibility to work at it. Or at least discuss this with him.

Answer 7

first of all i want to ask you how much do you love yor two children, and how much can you suffer and sacrify for their happiness? you are a grown up lady with two children and a husband now, if he is not giving you what you need you have to ask yourself first, may be you too don,t give him what he actually needs these days, or may be there is something irrritating him in his work or his life as a whole, you say you love you husband, so where is the prove ??!! you just get confused about you relation just because he is different for only two monthes... so where is the TRUE LOVE you feel ?! stand beside you husband, search inside him what maked him different , and search inside yourself too. don't escape searching for new fulfilling love , this is totally wrong. even you you don't love him any more, just think about you two young children who need both the father and mother to grow up with balanced personalities. they NEED you both together in one home .

Answer 8

it takes two to tango! if you want to be love you have to be in love. it is wrong to think of this kind of thought because you are married and you have 2 wonderful children there. there's always problem that we have to deal in relationship, that's a must. the most important thing is the way we face and solved it. be wiser for the sake of life, for your 2 beautiful kid and for the years that both of you work hard to deal with together. don't waste those 7 years. i been married for 11 years (now with 4 beautiful and wonderful children) and we are deeply in love more than ever before.

Answer 9

I am sure your husband made you feel the same way that this new guy does before the marriage, kids, and the routine. Just remember that everyone goes through a time like you are with your husband, it wont fix its self unless you try to spice it up to rekindle your feelings for each other. If you go off and try anything with this guy at work more than likely youd end up bored with him as well once the newness wore off.

Answer 10

You need to stop and keep things in perspective....one of the reasons paople become atrracted to others is simply life.....when you are at home your relationship with your husband by many things, work, finances, children, you are with them 24 hrs a day and see all sides of them, from happy, to stressed, to agrivated. One the other hand this coworker you only see him at work, for short periods of time, its always a pleasant exchange. If you were married to the coworker and knew him (warts and all), you may be having the same thoughts about your present husband. The grass isnt greener on the other side.