What should I do...Do you think my husband wants kids?

Question

My husband says he wants kids but then makes smart remarks about how aggravating they are & how much money they will cost. I am concerned & confused. Sometimes he says that he would love to have one right now (he even told his mom we would try in March) & that it probably wouldn't be bad to be a daddy but then at other times he is making those negative remarks & acting like he doesn't. He is very wishy washy. Is he just nervous & scared of becoming a father? Money shouldn't be a problem because we both make really good money & I work at home plus we have alot of money saved up for a house. I've been ready for about a year now but I'm waiting on him (I don't want to do this without him). We are saving for a house, which hopefully we will get this time next year so maybe he is stressed about that. I was thinking about asking him to let's try to conceive next year before we get the house since it takes 9 months to carry but he'll probably say let's wait. What do you think I should do?

I want to add that I am almost 27 & he is 31. We've been together for 8 years.

Answer 1

Sounds like my husband. He was wishy washy about kids too, but it was only b/c he feared the responsibility (financial and having to be a responsible father). It would be worse if he was giving you a definite NO every time. I would go for it. It sounds like he wants you to make the decision. Just inform him that you are stopping the birth control. Your financial & work at home situation sounds perfect.

Once he looks into the eyes of his own child, he will fall in love, but there is no way for him to know that feeling until it happens.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

Well being his age he knows that having children is a stressful, aggravating, and wonderful part of life all rolled into one. To better understand where he is coming from you may want to look at his relationship with his father. Are they close? If not this could be where he is coming from.

There are many reasons why we all do this. We all have reservations about something we never have experienced before.
He may truly want children but his experience with them has not been good.....at least for him.

A person is wish washy when they know their partner really wants something but they are not so sure they do. He loves you and wants you to be happy but is no doubt afraid he will not be up to the challenge of children. And...at times....it is a challenge.

Maybe it is his age. He knows that when this child is in high school he will be in his 40's. Perhaps he views that as being too old for having a teen to struggle with.

Only he knows what is really going on here. If it is his age he need not worry at all about that. I am 65 and remember my 40's as being the best decade of my live.

You are right to not do this without his okay. It is a struggle to raise a child even under the best of circumstances so you need all the help from him you can get. And a good loving father is so important to a child....male or female.

Answer 3

You guys sound very smart and mature. Great job. I am so glad you aren't trying to trick or manipulate your spouse.

Sounds like his concerns are very normal and true. Kids ARE expensive. They ARE a royal pain. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

I think you two can sit down and come up with a time-frame to start trying to get pregnant that you both are comfortable with. Will he be nervous? Probably. I would seriously let him know where you stand with it and decide on when you will do this. If he agrees to that, then there you are. If he agrees and continues to back-peddle or stall, then there's a problem and you need to hold off on the baby. I think from what you said, he is just a normal person, having normal feelings. But if he continues to stall for time, then you will have to decide whether or not to stay or leave. You will have to ask him to be honest with you out of fairness. If he wants you, but not kids, then it will be hard for him, but you need to know.

Best of luck with your negotiations. Best of luck with your marriage.

Answer 4

If it is meant to happen it will. Don't rush it but Don't try to stop it. Those kind of things seem to happen on there own, when you lease expect it.

I have 3 kids and none of them were planned but I would not change it. I still have mixed feeling for them because the do cost a lot of money and they are aggravating but there is not better pride and joy then the love you have for your child(ren). Good luck

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Sounds like he has doubts. If he is unsure then it might be better to wait until he is fully ready and fully committed to having a child.

Answer 7

he's confuse he not sure of having a kid yet to much responsible talk to him and tell him that your ready and you want a baby otherwise you mitt have to wait forever, same problem with my bf sometime he the one tell me he want a kid with me and the second minute he change his mind and tell me we have alot of time so let wait stupid guys< GIRL YOUR READY I JUST READ YOUR AND HIS AGE IT THE BEST TIME AND YOU DON:T WANT KID WHEN YOUR 40

Answer 8

Be patient. Wait until you have a home, and then have a talk with him, and wait until you both decide to have children.

Answer 9

Patience.

Answer 10

Don't rush this - you have plenty of time - and when the time is right you will be blessed with a child.