My husband says he wants kids but yet he makes smart remarks about how aggravating they are & how much money they take. He is confusing me so I'm not sure if he wants kids or not. Sometimes he says that he would love to have one right now & that it probably wouldn't be bad to be a daddy but then at other times he is making those negative remarks & acting like he doesn't. Is he just nervous & scared about becoming a father? Why would say he does but then turn around & act like he doesn't want one. Money shouldn't be a problem because we both make really good money. I've been ready for about a year now but I'm waiting on him. HELP!
2006-10-27 01:36:00 · 18 answers · asked by beachbum26 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm having trouble with this myself. First my husband acts like he is interested in being a father, and then other times he seems like he is looking for an exit to run out when I discuss it. His excuses are my health and our finances. (I just had surgery, so babies have to wait for a year at least with me, but that part I understand). I'm a Psychology major, so I tend to analyze everything when it comes to my husband. My advice (to both of us) is to talk. Make sure you discuss everything with him, but don't pressure him into making any decisions. Also, don't let him give up on the conversation. When my husband gets uncomfortable about a topic, he tends to change the subject. A good way to address difficult subjects is to set a good mood - maybe over a nice dinner, or in bed by candlelight. And above all, don't have a child to prove anything. That will only make life difficult if he feels trapped. Good luck!
2006-10-27 06:53:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lilyothvalli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is afraid of living up to the financial responsibility. He doesn't know anything about being a parent because he isn't one.
When the child has a "need" be it physical, emotional,financial, or even time; he will do what is necessary instinctively.
We always put the needs of our "own" child first. Children are time-consuming, expensive, and sometimes inconvenient but the rewards far outweigh the costs.
Many opt for a small family of just one child. I believe at least 2 is best. In this way a child always has a friend in the family and if anything happens to you & your husband he/she won't be alone in the world but have a sibling. Also when they are older there will be holidays etc. with nieces, and nephews.
Also, a husband also worries about his place becoming secondary to the child's in the wife's life. He may just want you all too himself.
2006-10-27 02:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta tell him how he's making you feel. You know him better than anyone! Maybe he is scared about becomming a daddy, it's a big decission to make, one that will be with you for the rest of your lifes. Next time your hubby is talking about wanting children just say how lovely it is to hear and does he mean it, if he says yes why then tell him he's confusing you and giving you mixed messages. You'll probably find that you end up having a good chat about it all and will clear the air and put both your minds at ease. Good luck with that
2016-03-19 00:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you guys talk about having kids before you got married?
Sometimes men have a hard time thinking about how much a child would take over their lives. My husband was the same way. He was so unsure about everything, ie: daycare, diapers, formula, how to be a good parent, you name it he worried about it. I just tried to reassure him and when I finally ended up pregnant he was so thrilled. Happier than I was actually. Now, he is the BEST dad ever. All those things he worried about fell into place.
For me it was pretty easy because I wasn't taking the pill anymore so it was easy to get pregnant. I'm not sure what your situation is. Good Luck!
2006-10-27 01:49:26 · answer #4 · answered by It's a secret 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Becoming a parent is scary.Tell him you are ready and even though little ones don't come with an instruction book you think the two of you would make a really good Mommy and Daddy.Trust me,the first time he holds his baby in his arms he will know he will do his best to be the World's Greatest Father.My prayers are with the both of you.
2006-10-27 01:44:24 · answer #5 · answered by jean 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wants kids but he's also being realistic about it. There's alot to think about before you have children and it sounds like he may be a little nervous about it...that's normal I think. Talk it out with him one day. Just get the conversation started and ask his feelings on it. You're married and talking about having children, you should feel comfortable enough with him to talk about it.I do think he's being smart to think about all the responsibility that comes with having a family. Too many people rush into without thinking it over and then are unhappy. I think you 2 will work it out and be very happy.
2006-10-27 02:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to tell him that how important kids are. They bring a beautiful side to one's life. I love kids and i think they are angels who bring lots of happiness and blessings to one's life. You have to tell him that kids are not something to be scared of,. Finally when he has a kid he will realize how late he was. Dont feel bad. Nothing is wrong with your husband, he simply needs your support on this issue.
2006-10-27 01:55:31 · answer #7 · answered by mind 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is possible he is just nervous. having a child is a big decision. maybe he's trying to work everything out in his own mind. i would suggest going to marriage counseling, where you could both talk openly and honestly about both of your feelings and really reach the right decision. if you choose not to do that, you will just have to have many discussions with him. tell him he is confusing you with the way he acts and then says another thing. communication is the most important tool you have in a relationship, put it to good use now.
2006-10-27 01:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by melinda 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't know how long you can wait, but try to wait till his heart is in it. We guys can be pretty selfish. He may like the free time you all have together, the freedom of not having others to manage. He may fear for your body! He may not want to grow up just yet. The money that he wants to spend on toys wont be as much because you won't want to work ever again! Goodluck!
2006-10-27 01:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by HonestGuy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is nervous about being a father. One thing to examine is his relationship with his father. He may have had a hard time growing up and maybe his father gave him mixed signals about how he felt. With the number of broken homes and divorces, some kids just have a problem with their parents and how they feel about them. This can manifest itself in their apprehension in starting a family.
I hope that he understands how you feel and how important it is to YOU and that it is important to HIM too. Tread softly on this issue and really know what he feels and believes about fatherhood. Chances are its just being nervous, but there may be an underlying issue or real fear because on how he was raised and his feeling about his dad.
Good luck.
2006-10-27 01:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by orygunduk1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋