at times its just the perfect kinda lovey dovey thing and there are times when we decide about staying separetly from each other....he comes back from work n then its just tv or computer or his details of office works he doesnt even bother to ask me about my day or my health or if i face any difficulty at work.he is kid who needs heaps n heaps of pampering but i feel neglected and lonely...usually i am quite patient but if i loose temper things get real nasty and i end up feeling bad....cant really say .if i still love him...am i being selfish.dont know.
2006-10-27 00:50:47 · 14 answers · asked by mini 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you aren't being selfish. Here is a tad bit of insight on your husband...and all men really. Sometimes just the comfort of knowing you have a good woman at home or in your home is enough. Meaning him sitting in front of TV, and so on. Men are not as emotional as us. We like to talk about our day, some men like to forget about the day and just chill. Now I am the pampering type also. I'll treat my husband like a king and I rarely get the royal treatment back and it took me a while to really just deal with it. It isn't in his nature to say rub my feet after a long hard day. But maybe one Sunday afternoon we'll be sitting together and he'll just grab my foot and start rubbing. No warning, I don't ask for it, he'll just do it. Men are like this (by no means do I mean all men) and we just have to find other ways or other things to do so we don't feel lonely. For instance call up a girlfriend or go for a walk or something. Sometimes we need that alone time. It's hard to give give and give without receiving and if you fuss about it they look at you like you fell out of Mars. So, I kinda try to ignore it, occupy my mind with something positive. Hope this makes sense. Good luck!
2006-10-27 01:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where arguments are concerned there is one simple fact.
It takes two. The easiest way to avoid the problem is to resolve to not be involved.
There is the problem. There is a huge level of stress involved in the work day for both of you. He can react in a bunch of ways to that. He could go out and drink with his mates, he can go find some other hussy to hang out with or he can come home and unwind. Depending on his day he may need quiet an ear or pampering.
What he does not need is you going "What about me". "That is the message that you feel more important than him and his work.
You may believe that but he does not for the same reason you do.
So based on the information presented here, it sounds like you have too much time on your hands and cannot deal with his having a life which does not include you. His home is supposed to be his refuge not just another stressful moment.
Try to table these discussions which escalate. Deal with them later. If you cannot it will do nothing but drive him into the pubs after work.
So yes, you are being selfish to engage in arguments. Put a lid on your half of argument and control your anger. This must be done before you start wondering about his anger.
2006-10-27 01:21:06 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you do love him...but are feeling extremely neglected. I have a similar situation, however, Im not working, just studying.
What i would suggest is, tell him face to face, that you need him to ask you about your day, work etc. I think often when we hold our feelings/emotions back, we can blow things out of proportion. I mean, we are committed to them, want to make them happy, but not feel like its only us giving, right? Well, sometimes we can take for granted, that at least they still need us, since i wouldnt want my guy being pampered by anyone else! :)
I don't think you should stress it, these emotions, even the short fuse at times, is just because you feel like he doesn't care. I am sure he does, but you just need to suggest it to him, in a non-guilt, and "demanding" manner. Just be casual about it, and try not take it to heart, if things don't change right away. Sometimes people can get very self-involved, and often just a calm word is needed for them to realize, that we need their attention as well.
Also, about you losing your temper, and feeling bad, however, keep in mind...its because you know deep inside that you are not fully pissed about that specific thing...rather, about the attention deficit ;)
Take it easy, it seems, like aside from this, he is a good guy, and the both of you love each other. Take the time to work at it...without anger, and with loads of patience and understanding.
Let us know how it works out!
2006-10-27 01:20:52 · answer #3 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If you are expected to make him feel secure, safe, comforted - then you should be able to expect the same from him. If he isn't able to reciprocate the same supportive nature towards you, then HE is the one who is being selfish.
If you're are having this kind of conflict with him now after only 17 months of marriage, it will not get better on its own. You guys are going to need to talk about it...and maybe consider getting some help/advise from a marriage counselor.
Good Luck, I hope all goes well.
2006-10-27 00:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"he is kid who needs heaps n heaps of pampering "
Why would you marry someone that you consider a "kid"? Surely there were indications of his neediness before you married him. Really think about this, he isn't going to change and you will spend the rest of you life babysitting the child you married.
If you are considering leaving him then do so before you have children. Children are always the innocent victims in divorce.
2006-10-27 00:57:30 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey,i feel the same! ive only been married now for 7 months. he gets grumpy about anything small sometimes.like when theres no milk and he doesnt wana go 2 d shop. i just try and stay out of his way untill he kinda calms down. maybe just give him his space.and talk to him when he is in a good mood about what ud like! try it,it might just work.
2006-10-27 00:55:55 · answer #6 · answered by moonangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first few years can be rocky. If by the end of the second year you guys have not started to work out a communication style, I'd start to worry. Don't get pregnant yet...
2006-10-27 00:52:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can avoid alot of those fights , when you tell him you refuse to argue over the silly things in life! tell him that aruging is the biggest turn off you have ever experianced...this has worked for me an the advise has also worked for others on here. good luck!
2006-10-27 00:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably got married too soon.Didn't know him enough, these problems usually don't start that early. You should probably seek the advise of a marriage counselor.
2006-10-27 00:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe if he doesn't ask you.. you should sit and and just talk .. :) tell him..
i can't say your being selfish but if its bothering you you have to let him know otherwise he's not going to be able to help you out
for avoiding fights.. you just need to pick your battles
2006-10-27 00:54:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋