After 17 years my husband (though not legally) decided to behave as if he was 25. Ride off into the sunset on his harley, Friday
after work and then return on Sunday with the explaination like " I was out" or I went & stayed in Hells kitchen, or always something as rediculas. I had reason to believe he cheated. All the tell signs were there. Extra clothes in his truck. The late nights the not comming home etc.. blah blah blah. Now after 2 years of this and nearly loosing our home he has decided He Loves me again. I dont have the same feelings anymore. I found a place to move to with our 15 year old yet I am still not sure this is what I should do. Any one else out there been here? Do I just start over? & with or with out him?
2006-10-26 23:52:30 · 18 answers · asked by sweetdreams 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
start over. go to court so you can get money for your kid (child support). And enjoy life with out him...
2006-10-27 00:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by dmncprkr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just right when you get the nerve to leave, he's back with a smile and sheep dog expression on his face. You forgive, and there you go again. That's your last 2 years, can you do this anymore. Can your heart and soul take it? You haven't mentioned word one of love. Has the love been destroyed? If you have no love or feelings feel after this abuse? Then it's time to pack your bags.
Honey, you are have just been through his mid-life crisis, you are the victim, but he may never seen what he has done to you and to your marriage. Can you forgive that? You are a biker widow. If you can't loving him like a husband-then don't force yourself to live where you can't be happy. You have been the one in Hell's kitchen, not him. He's had a blast, and finally realized that the grass wasn't greener anywhere else. It's your choice whether you mentally and physically capable of loving this man again. If you can see yourself with him, then try it. If you can't live through anymore, then tell him he was just a little too late in realizing what was important to him.
I wish there was a easy answer to give you, because honey, he may do this again. Then again, he may be the most perfect husband you could ask for it. It's your decision whether to see if he's going to be true or throw his leg on that bike again and disappear for nights on end. You can't let this man ruin you- your health mentally and physically has taken a beatings for the last 2 years, if you think you can honestly make up with him-then do so.
If not, then don't feel like you are the bad guy, you have spent your last 2 years lonely, hurt and confussed. If you have tried your best to make this marriage work, then leave with a clear heart . You deserve respect and love from this man at all times, just like you have done for him. I am so sorry, it's your call, and I know you don't want to hear that, but it is. Praying you can find peace and happiness with him or without him.
God bless us all...................
2006-10-27 18:18:37 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think being not legally married has hurt your relationship because basically, this guy can come and go as he pleases. He's got his cake and he's eating it too. I think moving out is a good solution in order to clear your head and really think about what you want to do. You sound uncomfortable by his frequent jaunts about - so you know if you continue to be with him, that is going to continue to happen. It may stop for a while, then start up again. You never know. I would rather be with someone more stable and someone you can communicate openly with. Hang in there and good luck.
2006-10-27 08:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like the marriage is over. He did his mid life crisis thing, probably had an affair. He is probably keeping his other woman on ice until you decide "it's OK honey, come home." But he will probably repeat this behavior later. Or he might keep the woman around anyway. Get out.
2006-10-27 07:00:23 · answer #4 · answered by Jack P 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband carried on as your husband.
Through phone bills, credit card receipts and calling hotels I discovered, not only who he was with, but how long they were together.
I took all of the evidence to my lawyer and divorced him.
With three children to support, I made the decision, we were better off with out the lies and heart ache.
It was a major life change and I have never regretted it.
Hope this helps.
2006-10-27 08:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While many will be able to relate to your feelings only you can feel the pain of what you are going through. Its all upto you to decide which road ahead you would like to take - my gut feeling says this guy dosn't deserve a second chanch . Move on and make a life for yourself and your son
2006-10-27 06:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by pakir poyum 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since it sounds like you are just done with this, I would say get out, start over without him. Life as a doormat cannot compare on the good scale with life as a happy human being.
(been there, done that and threw him out 23days before the wedding...best thing I ever did!)
2006-10-27 06:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by Star 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start over without him, by all means. You have already put your adolescent child through 2 years of this charade. It is your responsibility to provide a more stable home.
2006-10-27 06:56:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Where has the love gone? After all you vowed to love each other till death do you part..Anyway, perhaps because of your suspicions, the love was gone. but they have never been proven , right? Seek your heart and soul. do you still love him? if the answer is yes, then start anew with him. If it is no, then start anew without him. Good luck.
2006-10-27 06:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to decide whether or not you are willing to forgive him for treating you like that. Once you find the answer you'll know if you want to give him another chance.
2006-10-27 07:07:42 · answer #10 · answered by Sweetteach 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
therapy and counseling first. then you have to ask yourself the old ronald reagan question...are you better off before or after. this sounds incredibly selfish but this is a very valuable point ...you have your life and the childs to consider. divorce, like marriage is permanent. make sure you consider the acutal person. people have flaws and you need to allow for them. just like you put up with flaws in other people they put up with them in you...you just dont see them...think carefully and goodluck...god and many people out there you dont know or dont think about love and care for you ....remmber counseling and prayer.
2006-10-27 06:57:18 · answer #11 · answered by koalatcomics 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋