It is alwys little insignificant things I can't help liying about. I have hurt my wife so much, I couldn't bear to loose her I wouldn't want to live without her I want to and need to stop lying to her and hurting her before I loose her. If anyone can help I would appreciate it. I am desperate.
2006-10-26 23:13:21 · 32 answers · asked by midge 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to WANT to stop lying first.
2006-10-26 23:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't beat yourself up over it - accept that you have made mistakes/ lied in the past and resolve to change - count every time you don't lie a success, and learn to be honest with yourself. At the end of the day your wife will know that you are lying to her - most people do - so it really isn't worth it - she'll appreciate your attempts to change more than you realise. Nobody changes over-night and we all have our faults. Also, you have to change because you want to - changing just to keep another person is silly, and ultimately doesn't work - you may just be incompatible - I'm sure that she has her faults too and there are plenty of single women out there. You have to consider why you lie in the first place - whether it is because you feel that you've done something wrong, or whether you are afraid of what your wife will say/ think - if you can't have an honest relationship, sometimes it's better just to move on. Ultimately, you need to talk to your wife and be as honest as you can about how you feel - what's the worst that can happen?
2006-10-26 23:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by ticket2ride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously care very deeply about your wife as you say you couldn't bare to loose her. At the same time you say you have hurt her deeply.
Unfortunately, the ironic reality of life is that we often do hurt the people we love, because it is those people who we feel will accept us unconditionally.
You are clearly aware that you have a problem. You must now take action to resolve your issues, and within the comments that people have posted for you here, there is some very good advice suggested about what action you could take.
As for your wife, I would strongly suggest that you are indeed honest with her. If you truly care for her as much as I think you do, you should tell her the truth, tell her you are suffering yourself from your problem, and ask for her assistance and support.
As she has been hurt before by you, she may choose to stick with you, or she may choose a different path. However, if you love her as much as you sound like you do, you will give her that option.
There is real truth in the saying, "If you love someone, set them free and if they come back they are yours, and if they don't, they never were" (don't know if that's the exact wording, but you get the idea).
The reality is that you can then start working on yourself, and seek assistance and become a better person and continue your life path, to whatever that leads you to.
You are very courageous for admitting your problem, well done! Please continue on the right path, do the right thing and give your wife the respect she deserves - share your problem with her also, as you have shared it with everyone else on-line.
Good luck and remember life always gives back to you what you throw out to it. Treat your wife with respect, honesty and dignity and I have no doubt that if you do that, you will be able to move through your own problems and come out a better person in the end.
2006-10-28 15:46:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are telling the truth about your compulsive lying! That's step 1. Step 2 should involve actual mental health professionals, and not some insomniac college student.
Assuming you came here because you can't get professional help, I will try my best anyway. Please note that any sane person will stop reading, because the odds are I will make things worse. Have you told your wife the truth about your compulsive lying? Try that if you have not already:think of it as practice. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
Also, tell me more about why you lie. My magical powers of peternaturally accurate random guessing tell me that you don't really know why.
People usually lie to gain control of another person, or for the thrill of lying and getting away with it. If you feel a need to lie utterly and completely to someone, use the web as a substitute for your wife and make up an identity! There is a sport you will enjoy at this site http://www.419eater.com/ that consists entirely of lying in the name of justice. More constructive than lying about stuff to your wife.
If you are the type of liar who seeks power and control, try something for that. Buy The Sims. See if wifey likes S&M (don't try this one first...). Cultivate a garden.
In the mean time, try roses, chocolate and an apology. And if she asks where you got them or something else you might lie about, write the truth down on a piece of paper before to show that you are sincere about TRYING not to lie. Not permanent (part of the charm of chocolate is that you can't have it every day), but gifts and an honest effort to fix whatever it is have saved more relationships than you coud imagine.
2006-10-26 23:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by Acraz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this is the 1st. i ever seen where someone wants 2 break the habit of lying.. i use 2 date a guy, that would tell the truth, if he had 2 lie 2 do it.. and the lie's is what made me walk away..you might not find a instant cure today in answers, but it's good 2 know it's on your mind 2 want 2 change.. and like a baby, you need 2 learn all over again how 2 crawl, before you walk.. take a deep breath and give a little thought of pure honesty, before you answer your wife next time.. and if you mess up and start 2 lie,, stop yourself and say 2 your wife, let me try answering that again.. it's gonna take some training, but you can do it : )
2006-10-26 23:34:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that you say you're a compulsive liar the very fact you wrote that you can't live without your wife (LIE) and that you can't help living your lies (LIE) and that you want to stop lying ( LIE) see I've read between the lines on everything you wrote even down to the "I WANT TO STOP LYING" (lie).
You are in control of you-----You are the one that is the LIAR----If you want to help stop lying then you are the one that needs to do that. Seek within yourself and ask yourself what is your PAY OFF for lying? Maybe you seek the negative responses or attention that you are getting when you lie. Sick as that is....Many people that LIE thrive on the negative responses and the thrill of thinking they're pulling the wool over someones eyes! THE FACT is------LIARS, CHEATERS, THIEVES, (in my book are all lumped in one category) I HATE THE LIAR and the CHEAT----have no use for them....
2006-10-26 23:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All u need to do is tell yourself that you must stop lying and try to stick to it. I know that when the lies started it was just those small ones, now it has become a habit but you know that habits can be dropped because it was picked up in the first place. So start practicing saying the truth by telling her about some of the lies in the past.
2006-10-26 23:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by nina-tess g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get help, lying has become a bad habit, you could tell your wife you are sorry for all the lies and promise that you won't do it again and mean it. Every time she asks you something stop and think before you answer and then tell her the truth she will love you more if you do, so think of her and how she feels betrayed when you don't tell her the truth. If you really love her then you can do it.
2006-10-26 23:19:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to theropy...my bro suffers from compulsive lying too....the only help I can give is that.....ask yourself why you lie? Do you lack excitement in your life? Probably not...you may just percieve it....you have just got to learn the truth is much more rewarding and exciting than any lie....truth is less hard work than lying. People who seek drama in their lives usually lack it...because people grow sick and tired of dealing with it so dont want to be around you....people who just get on with their lives get loads of drama becuase people like other people who are sorted...and so things get exciting. Lying could be due to lack of self estiem (spelling not my forte)....you want to impress...be yourself...be attentive that is more impressive than fiction. How may times have your heard people talking about the proverbial fish that was this big getting away and not being impressed.....but being enthrawlled when someone tells you a truth......
2006-10-27 00:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by michael s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a wife with a husband that does that as well. But when I catch him I make him apoligise and do the right thing. You need to do the right thing by your wife. If she is the one for you, you need to be honest with her. Do you truely love her? To a woman even the little lies are hurtfull sometimes more then the big ones. Give your self a punishment every time you lie.ie put $5.00 in a jar,and go tell your wife what you did.
Good luck. (self disapline)
2006-10-26 23:32:14 · answer #10 · answered by Char 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you lying about? Is it something that would have an impact on her life? Is it financial issues? Perhaps looking at why you feel you have to lie (spending more than you should, owe more money than you let on) you can break the ppattern and be honest with her. If its something major like a cash crisis, you are gonna have to discuss it with her at some point.
2006-10-26 23:17:38 · answer #11 · answered by Emma W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋