I'm 26 year old light skinned Africiam American woman. I have 3 kids but am still attractive. My problem is husband refuses to give me any type of attention , no matter how much i talk to him about it his response is we're already married and why should he have to "date me" he was awasome before we got married but the day we said I do he stopped. I've let him know how I feel but he won't change, I know its not his responsibility to carry me emotionially but it would be nice for him to make me feel special once in a while. he hasn't given me anything for my birthday, valentines day ore even xmas in 5 years. We've separated on quite a few occasions but always end up back to gether because hes husband of the year until he gets back in the door then he changes back into the non caring person he was before. what should I do, I've already talked to him but that dosent help.
2006-10-26 19:57:17 · 16 answers · asked by Chava 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, you have to follow your heart. What's keeping you there with him? I know how things USED to be, but that doesn't mean a hill of beans if he makes you feel unloved and unappreciated everyday. Don't you deserve to be treated like the nubian queen that God made you to be? Even God says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, so if you don't realize this, then how will your husband? Another thing to consider: your kids see everything even if they say nothing. Do you want them to grow up and think that it's ok for a man to treat a woman (his wife, his rib, his gift from the Almighty) in this way? You have alot to think about but no matter what anyone ways, you are the only one that has to live with the decision. If you follow your heart and trust the Lord, you'll be ok. You are young, vibrant and beautiful and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. How do you want to spend it? Be encouraged, keep your head up and ALWAYS follow your heart. I did and it was the best thing I ever did for myself and my son.
2006-10-26 20:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have answered this yourself when you say that after a separation he is 'husband of the year' and then goes back to his old indifferent ways. He is not going to change.
If a man can't even be bothered to make a wife feel special on her birthday, or Valentines Day or Xmas for FIVE YEARS then i would say that he is saying 'You're not worth much - you're not worth a gift or a treat'.
Sweetheart you are terribly young- 26 is hardly any age at all. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this?
If serious talking to him doesnt change matters, then unfortunately you may have to consider a permanent split. It wont be nice for the kids, but better that than they see their mum treated with indifference for years and years and years to come.
Don't make him make you think that you are not worthy of attention and affection because you are!
2006-10-27 03:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by Caroline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to the people who tell you to leave him & find yourself another man, and that you deserve better, etc etc... Every marriage goes through ups and downs & if you go looking for someone else, after years of marriage it will just turn out to be the same... Work on what you have now, especially that there are children... if your husband keeps coming back after the seperation, it definitely means he loves you... don't keep telling him what you need, try to give him what you know HE needs, even if it is some space, and then you might get something back in return too. Also focus on other things that might bring you satisfaction outside your marriage, like a job, a hobby, friends or your kids for example... There are lots of things that bring happiness more than a man... when you stop focusing on him things will turn out to be much better in your marriage, believe me...
2006-10-27 03:18:04 · answer #3 · answered by Amina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Make a date one night a week for a movie and an inexpensive dinner out...if he doesn't want to go...go without him. Or, sign up for a night class at a local college...just get out and reduce all expectations of him to zero. See how far up he can climb from that position.
2006-10-27 03:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is time tested system of getting things the right way. Please follow the following in order:
1. Saam - Please try to tell him the advantages in behaving in a particular fashion.
2. Daam - Compensate him in some way if he does the way u want him to.
3. Dand or punishment - Punish him if does not co-operate with u. U may withdraw from or resent his company.
4.Bhaid - U play tricks on him.
2006-10-27 03:03:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You cant MAKE anyone love you, he is doing it in his own way. You cant change anyone, they have to want to change. it may be that he has just become too familuar ..do something different, gain his attention by sparking his interest with something a little adventurous
2006-10-27 03:10:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he even want to married to you still? If he does then maybe counseling will help. If not then i'm afraid you are probably fighting a losing battle.
2006-10-27 06:53:17 · answer #7 · answered by Snowflake25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect any real change! Once they have you any kind of love or attention is out the door! Women are romantic most men are not!
2006-10-27 03:42:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it were me I would leave him for good. Give myself the room for the right man to come into my life and treat me like I need to be treated. But I am not advicing you to do the same I'm just saying.
2006-10-27 05:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're not alone in the vicious circle of matrimony; endurance is what you need right now, he may be passing through some stress you don't know about. marriage is no bed of roses,i believe you can work things out if you really want to.
2006-10-27 03:32:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋