in the past while making love, he mentioned how's your "penis" feeling and bring your "penis" around here. He has been struggling with ED and I wonder is he a gay man pretending to be straight? Should I divorce him?
2006-10-26 18:41:36 · 29 answers · asked by whatsupwithhim 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I don't beleive anyone is gay or straight... I believe it is the person that you fall in love with. Maybe, however, your husband has had homosexual relationships in the past or has been molested... somewhere or somehow something has happened. Don't ignore it... we're talking about your marriage and the rest of your life. You need to confront him and keep at it. If he won't fess up, then you need to consider whether you're willing to stay in this relationship. If he is willing to confess whatever is in his past, than you two need to decide what you two want to do. Maybe counciling is the best thing for you- if you two are both equally devoted to making things work. If not forever, it may be best to part ways. That doesn't mean you stop loving each other, but you deserve what you need and want and so does he. Good luck!
2006-10-26 19:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by tiyona17 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
2
2016-07-18 23:05:49 · answer #2 · answered by Delphine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may not be gay at all.
You mention the fact that he has been struggling with ED. Now depending on his age, that can hit some guys very, very hard .. and while some comments may be just words, reflecting the insecurities that are on his mind and weighing him down every day,..
- Are you now going to contemplate putting both yourself and him through the emotional turmoil of divorce, even though he hasn't actually done anything wrong? You do not mention any evidence or even suspicion of extra-marital affairs or wrong-doing here ..
Just the fact that he may be crumbling under the pressures that age may be bringing upon him. The least you could do, is ask him outright - when you are intimate together next time.
Take him into your confidence and ask him "Love, do you .. you know..sometimes have fantasies about us sharing with another man?" (Using the word "us" - opens him up to confide, and avoid using the word "secret" - it'll put him on the defensive!)
Even if he answers in the affirmative, what will you do?
Do you love him? Does he genuinely love you? Are you looking after him enough, sexually, - if I may be so blunt. And no, I'm not talking about just "mere penetration". You as a woman know that there is much more to loving sex than just that.
Think about these questions, and your response to their possible answers, before you ask him.
Marriage Guidance counseling was the best suggestion I've seen here yet..most of the rest are "judgements".
Good luck and God bless.
`
2006-10-26 19:08:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later, all men look at that stuff, dear. And do you know why a lot of them do so? Some are gay, some are bi. But then again, a good number of them just want to compare themselves physically with other guys. If your husband has been having ED problems, he might be very well doing just that -- checking out other guys to validate his own masculinity.
Also, he may have "penis" on his mind so much because his isn't working properly lately.
Still, I suggest you have a heart-to-heart with him and ask about his ED problems. Have you been encouraging him to ask a doctor about this issue? Have you been supportive of him?
You don't want to divorce your lifelong mate unless you definitely know he has strayed from the marriage or is about to put your health in jeopardy. And that, my dear, is where you have to draw the line and stop thinking about him so much and watch out for yourself. Be careful now. I am praying for both of you.
2006-10-26 19:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it some time, give it some thought, and for heaven's sake talk to the poor guy. Those of us who start out in straight relationships and then "turn" gay almost always had gay feelings in the first place, which we hoped would go away when we got into a "real" (i.e. heterosexual) relationship. Then we find ourselves stuck in a relationship with somebody to whom we're never going to be able to be the husband or wife that we'd imagined we would be. And this person (who we do really love) is going to be hurt because of our mistake. But it's a much more honest mistake than it appears, because we were lying not to you, the straight spouse, but to ourselves. It's a terrible situation, but the only culprit is a society that shames us gay people into trying to be someone that we cannot possibly ever be. So try to put aside your immediate anger, and remember that your discovery of husband's sexuality doesn't necessarily mean he's been lying to you about everything. Talk to him.
2006-10-26 19:46:47 · answer #5 · answered by Patrick C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is gay. And he is pretending to be straight. You should talk this out with him before considering divorcing him. Know why he lied to you all this time. Do you have any children? If so, then you best come up with a solution that can compromise both sides. I'm sorry, but it's just the blunt truth. Your husband wouldn't be talking dirty about your "pen*s" if he weren't gay in the first place.
2006-10-26 18:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't really know of any straight men who enjoy watching homosexual men go at it. I think only gay men like that. I believe there is a great possibility that if he hasn't already, your husband may get into a sexual relationship with another male. If I knew my husband was looking at gay porn, and asking me about a penis that I don't have, I would divorce him, but I can't tell you to do that, because only you can make that kind of call in your life. You know your husband. None of us do. So, it makes it kind of difficult to tell you what to do. We can tell you what we'd all do, but like I said before, the final decision must be up to you. If he is gay though, you will never be happy and neither will he.
Good luck.
2006-10-26 18:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is quite possible that your husband is gay. It is also possible that he is bi-sexual or possible still just curious as hell as to what gay men see in the act. If your husband is gay he may be of the type who is and has tried to deny it (and is losing). Best to try to get at the truth, diplomatically, such things can be resolved and leave behind good friends or they can fester and turn poisonous.
2006-10-26 18:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by Black Dragon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him directly about it. if you feel you are getting nowhere with that, then go to counseling. You need to be really honest. Do you love him? Do you have a relationship you view as being worth saving? What does your hubby really feel? It is easy for us 'answerers' to judge from a distance, but it is you and your hubby in the relationship and only you guys really know what's going on. Just remember i don't doubt this will be difficult for you, but the same will apply to him. If you make knee-jerk decisions now they may have a permanent effect!
2006-10-26 19:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by waggy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to ask him about his desires and fantasies, maybe he will be good with you using a "strap-on" on him.
But if he wants the gay thing then he wants it. Maybe his heart is torn as well. Perhaps he really wanted you to find the gay porn to make it easier on him. He might have figured that if you found it you'd automatically leave. You should try couples counseling.
2006-10-26 18:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋