If you enjoy marking up papers (this is only 5-sentences!), I would really appreciate your help!?

Question

I'm writing a character analysis from The Great Gatsby and I chose George Wilson; here goes the intro:

"In Francis Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 novel, The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald renders the portrait of George Wilson, an emasculated peasant who signifies the adversity of the American working class and an innocence lost in a country corrupted by wealth. Wilson’s naïveté makes him both oblivious and passive. Although his wife’s adultery is apparent to those around him, George remains unaware of it until the very end. When he finally realizes what is occurring, he is misled by the wealthy Tom Buchanan, and by his own compliance/passivity, George blames the wrong man for his wife’s death. George Wilson’s stunted personality is evident in his struggle to make a living, his relationship with his wife, and ultimately in his death. "

Is it bad? I wasn't sure if it made sense to just me or what..any input, critique, help, suggestions, word choice?--I APPRECIATE ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY!

Answer 1

Well, you have created some seriously looooong sentences there and the reader gets lost half way through. It also reads like several unrelated sentences stuck together- there just isn't any flow from one to the next. Ideally, the first sentence of your paragraph will introduce the topic for discussion. All of the following sentences support it, and the final sentence sums them all up. I'm not sure what the adversity of the American working class is, or the innocence lost in a country corrupted by wealth is supposed to mean. I'm really not even sure why you consider George Wilson to be an emasculated peasant- especially since there really aren't any peasants in the US.
I suggest you start with a basic outline to help you organize your thoughts and ideas. Since you have already identified your character, the next step is to identify his major characteristics. These are personality traits or attitudes that we learn about the character. Be sure you identify traits that are different from one another, not just different aspects of the same trait. For instance you would not say a character is smart, intellectual and well educated, because these are just repetitive and too similar to one another. Once you have identified a few traits, you need to find specific examples that prove each trait. You need to present the examples in terms of words, thoughts, actions or descriptions that led you to identify the characteristic/trait. You want to prove it is consistent, and not just a rare case of acting- so you need to look for at least two examples for each trait. Finally, you need to assess the character do determine if he changes or develops, or if his traits remain consistent throughout the story.
You didn't say how long your character analysis was supposed to be, but most often they are not simple one paragraph things. Usually the character analysis essay is of at least 5 paragraphs. In the first paragraph, you state the story title and author, and lead to the essays topics, then state your thesis. The thesis is your assessment of the character's traits. You would also state if the traits remained consistent throughout or if there was a change. If a trait changed, you would link the changed traits together in the paragraph that deals with it later.
The first sentence of each of the next three paragraphs would be introducing one of the traits you listed in the first paragraph. Then you would list the examples you found to support that decision. If a trait changes, you would have the trait that changed and what it changed to in the same paragraph, with the examples to support it. In the final fifth paragraph, you would sum up by restating your thesis and the characters major traits and stating if there was a change or not.
I think you have already determined that your character is naive and passive, so you really only need to find one other trait to have your start. Is he mislead because he is naive or because he is passive? Why is he oblivious? Is it from naivite or because he wants to be? How is he compliant? Is that possibly another trait?
As big a pain as outlines can be, they really are a big help to organize your thoughts and information. If you start with the basic outline I have given you and fill in the blanks, most of your analysis will essentially write itself. Even if you are not required to do five separate paragraphs, following this outline will help you organize things in a much more sensible, and easy to follow manner. Remember, you must state your ideas in a logical sequence and support what you say. If you can't support it, you can't say it. Watch your sentence length, and don't get to carried away with the big words and fancy terms. Emasculated peasant conjures up images of a poor Russian farmer with no cajones. The American working class may face adversity- but doesn't possess it, which is how your sentence currently reads. And a character doesn't signify anything, they do however represent things. A sign signifies things, people represent them.
Hope you find some help in all this. I learned it the hard way myself, and have had lots of practice since helping my children with their work. Just try the outline, it really does help a lot. Good luck!

Answer 2

The 'Great Gatsby' is a 1925 novel written by Francis Scott Fitzgerald, who renders a portrait of 'George Wilson'.
George Wilson is an emasculated peasant who signifies the adversity of the American working class, George is an innocent lost in a country which is corrupted by wealth!!!!

Sorry I got fed up after reaching this stage!!! I didnt realise this was hard work, and I'm not really into hard work!!
Don't ask me why I have re written as above, it just seems to have more 'flow' that way?? (But who am I to judge)??
OK then I will anyway because you have asked!
I think its OK but just needs 'touching up' a bit to get the 'flow' flowing!!
As I have mentioned before on this forum, I am not into all these Verbs, Adverbs and all the other fancy definitions, If I am reading a book that has no 'flow' I just stop reading it, I hate having to backtrack to work it all out, yes I probably am a 'thicko'!! (But very nice one)!!
Hope this pathetic little effort helps a bit?
Keep at it and good luck!