Wife considers us separated, but still lives in house.?

Question

My wife told me she was leaving me 6 weeks ago. She is still living in the house and says she can not afford to leave yet. She conciders us seperated. We have a 3 year old. I am trying to save the marriage. I am going to a marriage therapist. She refuses to go. She has told me she is heavly leaning twoard devorce. I think we could have a great marriage again if we work at it together.

Is it wrong of her to stay at the house if she told me she is leaving? She has family in the area that she could go to. I don't want us to seperate or divorce. I do not understand why she will not try therapy. Her family even supports us trying therapy.

We had some problems,we both tried to work on them and also money got really tight. Then she started playing an online game for hours each night (5-10 hrs a night) to avoid me and would not talk with me.

I love her and want to work it out. I am not saying I am perfect, I am not, but I think I am not that bad. I am learning a lot about me and about her from therapy. I can now see we started to alienate each other. She me then me her after feeling rejected. Not realizing how bad off we were, I did not suggest therapy sooner.

Answer 1

Hi, I am 22 years old, and going through just about the same thing. My husband cheated on me and has lied to me for over a year. I just can't take it anymore, I have tried be he don't seem to want to work on things, he just wants them handed to him. So, I told him that it was over and that I wanted a seperation. That was almost 4 weeks ago, we are still living together. I have family here, but I will not go and live with them because they knew that he was cheating and none of them told me. I have 2 daughters 4 & 2 I have been a stay at home mom the whole time, I have been trying to find a job but I can't. Plus I live in a small town and there is only one daycare and It is full.

I don't know what happened in your marriage, but I can kinda understand what you guys are going through.

If you want to chat contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

Once a woman gets to the point that a relationship is over, you are basically wasting your time in trying to salvage it. Just let her go. She is probably confused and emotional about something and she needs to figure things out for herself. She is being selfish and she is only thinking about her needs - she is not thinking about the family at all - you or your child. I know because I lived the exact same scenario. I was the one who left then I filed for divorce. A few months after the divorce came through, guess who was on the phone crying to me telling me we shouldn't have divorced, etc, etc, etc! That is how they are - women that is. I know this sounds cynical but divorce is epidemic now in this country and families are breaking up left, right and center primarily because women are requesting divorce (approx. 80% of divorces are initiated by women). So let her go - don't speak with her - ignore her. Just be civil and do what you need to do. Either she will come to her senses or she will leave. Even though you still love her, her interest in you is pretty low so why waste your time with someone like that. Take care of your child and yourself and ride out the storm. Once she leaves - if she does - take some time to recover (don't jump into another relationship) and see a therapist to maintain your sanity during this period. You will get through this - I did and in hindsight I have no regrets about the divorce. As a man, you should never ever want a woman who doesn't want you brother. There are too many good women out there and I am sure there is one who will want you just as you are. Good luck.

PS

The marriage builders site is a good site on marriage. I went to a seminar with my wife but it was too late for us. I think it is too late for you but if you can get her to go, there might be hope but I wouldn't even bother. Just read it for your own edification. Once a woman starts to shut down communications, you are dead with her. So just move on and don't worry - there is life - a darn good one too - after divorce - but you have to be cool and not let her get to you (it is hard at first because men are more direct and cognitive in general but it works)!!!!!

Answer 3

She's not trying to save her marriage. Living in the same house and saying you and her are separated is the most ridiculous thing she could say. Since she's made it perfectly clear she doesn't want this marriage, put her out.

Answer 4

some people are just bullheaded. if she dosent want to be with you then she should get the hell out . if its really that serious then she can go stay with her family. is she cheating? if so you dont deserve that and she doesnt deserve you. i'll be your wife, my man of 5 years is pissin me off by hangin out all night call me 867-5309 Jenny LOL. I think she wants a divorce if she wont go to therapy. I think any marriage is worth salvaging, especially if you truly love her and she truly loves you. what are her reasons?

Answer 5

Charge her for half the bills even if she's broke. Tell her she'd have to pay them if she leaves anyway and you'd be renting out the room. Also tell her you'll give her a break on it if she goes to marriage counselling.

Answer 6

If she wants to stay its because she is just stickin it to ya! Put the crib on the market and start your road to recovery. Go out and get some and start the process. Where the heck are your boys?!

Answer 7

I hate to tell you but she's made up her mind. Her refusal to go to marriage counselling is evidence of that. Maybe she is so quick to call it seperated cause she has already found someone.

Just my thoughts.

Answer 8

You getting therapy is great. If she won't go with you, ask her to please to go someone else by herself.
You didn't mention why she is separated. This is all about you and how good and how hard you are trying. Something set this off. It takes two to marry and two to stay married. Get off the the Martyr Me merrygoround.

Answer 9

she obviously has no intention of saving the marriage you should speak to her about either you or her moving out. If your separated you shouldn't be paying all the bill she is responsible for half

Answer 10

say goodbye and good riddance. it takes 2 to make a relationship no matter what you will not make her do anything she has to want to. kind of like a drug addict that goes to rehab for parents sake and not self will never succeed. good luck. by the way kick her *** out it is not your fault she is not financially ready, be as big of an a s s as she is being stupid.