I been married a few months and I'm trying to get past being so far away from home, dealing with his demanding job(i spend alot of time alone), feeling like I'm being underestimated on my abilities to handle things by his family (I had to grow up very early and them doing that really startin to get under my skin because no one has ever done that to me..i've a very capable person), dealin with issues that he has at work and stuff.... I totally understand his job but I really feel like his job has taken over and I am stuck tending to all the business crap and I really don't want to do it all. On top of it all it's like he doesn't get me anymore. Do all marriages start off this hard? I didn't expect it to be easy but this isn't just hard it's near back breaking. How do I go about handling all these issues when sittin and talkin about them so much has me to the point I just want to explode?
2006-10-26 17:49:19 · 15 answers · asked by Kata 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I can only speak for myself. When my husband and I got married it didn't seem to take very long for the shine to wear off. I felt like he was taking the "being the man of the house" role too seriously. I felt like what I did to contribute could never measure up to what he did. I felt like he didn't have time for me, and we weren't having fun together anymore. Too many other worries to handle. Loan, mortgage, bills, general everyday married people stuff. I really thought I had made a huge mistake! That 1st year of marriage was really tough. I felt like leaving him MANY many times. It sure was a time for adjustments. However it did get better. Once we ironed out some of the wrinkles and became a team, working together toward the same goals we were much better off. We have been married for 12 years now. I am so happy we stuck it out through the rough spots. compliments and acknowledgement go a really long way from BOTH sides. Just to know that your spouse appreciates what you do can make a huge difference.
As far as his family goes. That is HIS job to deal with them. He needs to reassure you that he has your back. Being a daughter-in-law is NOT an easy job!! just tell him that it would make you feel so much better if he would compliment around his family. It sounds like you are out numbered there. But once they realize that you have a good handle on things they will back off a bit. Right now they are probably still in the "is she good enough for him?" stage. Just be confident, polite AND PATIENT. They will soon see that you are capable of taking care of your new life.
Hang in there it will get better.
2006-10-26 18:18:09 · answer #1 · answered by Meli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine sure did and I tried to be everything everyone wanted me to be until I did not know who I was. And that is the truth! I finally decided I would do the best I could do and be true to me. I am in classes and taking care of myself. Familiy differences is the hardest part of all I think and I tried way overboard and they did not appreciate it, it was about 4 years I wasted I feel. I would recommend you to be nice as you can but have your own life, some friends and try to keep working on you and your husbands relationship. Tell him you need a life too, go back to some classes, join a gym, join a club where you will meet other young girls like a Sorority, they are just social gatherings of ladies in your age group, one meeting a month is for helping the community the other is to socialize. Find something you are interested in and go with it it will make you a better and happier you! Take care of YOU, if you don't WHO will, I can tell you in my case NO ONE until I took the bull by the horn. Good luck!
2006-10-26 17:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriages REQUIRE work. and a lot of it. Marriage is not an easy thing nor will it ever will be. It takes time to get used to dealing and coping with a person day in and day out. One thing my sister law told me and I found it to be very true throughout life. " Men are happy when everything is going okay at work, Women are happy when everything is going okay at home". .......... think about that........... that is very true. Men often get caught up in their jobs and one thing a man REALLY wants in a woman is for her to be SUPPORTIVE, and that requires a lot of patience. It really does.
Seriously, just hang in there and everything will get better over time. Just be patient and be as supportive as possible. Good luck.
2006-10-26 18:51:41 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not understand what you mean when you say dealing with his job. Didn't you know what type of job he had before you got married? I say suck it up its only hard because you are whining get a life and stop being concerned about his job let him do his job and you get a life if he doesn't have time for you then you are not that important to him so find someone that is convenient to fill in what's missing.
2006-10-26 17:57:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage can be hard and is full of sacrifices for each other. But both should be happy. Maybe you two should try seeing a marriage therapist. You can learn a lot about each other. Respect, caring and putting the other person first goes both ways in a marriage.
2006-10-26 18:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Left Alone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage takes a tremendous effort by both parties to make it work. You have a young marriage and all these changes are taking their toll. That is to be expected. My advice to you is to get a hobby or take a dance class involve yourself with activities to keep you from going insane. Do you have a friend to unload on? Keeping busy during these transitional stages really helps.
2006-10-26 17:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by sexmagnet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i must say...just about every marriage i know of is stressful the 1st yr. i have been married for almost 8yrs & i honestly thought we wouldnt get thru the 1st yr. i said the word divorce so many times it was pathetic!! and i too was far away from my family, over 2000 miles away & i got lonely alot because he was in the military. it wasnt a rushed marriage, we are actually high school sweethearts but when we got married it seemed like we didnt know each other at all... but here are, going strong into our 8th yr!and back in love...hang in there, it gets better!!
2006-10-26 18:45:30 · answer #7 · answered by huneygrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the adjustment period...
I would get friends or make friends. Keep his family out of it...they will just make it that much harder and report back to him everything your doing...and if he's that concern with you going to a movie or workout center or picking up a class...he'll find something a little closer to home.
Act like it doesn't bother you......or find deep within in yourself why it does. You'll get on a good schedule.........and then you'll wish he was gone on business.
2006-10-26 17:55:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is never easy, BUT, he seriously needs to look at his priorities, it sounds like he's putting his job ahead of you, and it needs to be the other way around. Because if he doesn't. He's going to keep working and working at getting better in his job, but end up neglecting you.
2006-10-26 17:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no a new marrage shouldnt be in this kind of trouble you need to move near your husband if you are near him but hes so far away your marrage is in trouble get counsiling have a hear to heart talk with him about how lonely you are without him start working to put it back together quickly and never let this happen again dont turn to alcahol or drugs or drepression get help and quick
2006-10-26 17:53:55 · answer #10 · answered by polkahaunis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋