2006-10-26 16:58:51 · 21 answers · asked by theone 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There are two sides to this question, and it's a really valid question too.
The first is, is he ACTIVELY participating in gay sex with men while married?
If so, then he needs to come clean and let the wife know.
If not, then he needs to decide what level of personal deceit he can live with.
If he's happy and wants to stay married, then it's up to him.
If he's not happy and he's not making his wife happy, then he needs to be honest and tell her.
Now, the other side to this is if he's actively having same sex relations with men while married, there's simply no excuse. He's being deceitful and only setting his wife up to be hurt. That's not fair to her.
Any kind of sexual infidelity is intolerable in a "committed" relationship.
2006-10-26 17:48:40 · answer #1 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are talking about yourself... I know how you must feel...That is a hard decision to make.
I know it is because I went through the same thing!
As a kid and a young adult, I never had thoughts of being with another Guy sexually. I was always going out with Girls and enjoyed the hell out of it.
Then one day, I met a Guy at a new job...we became very good Friends and started to hang out all the time. At first, it was just your typical Guy "Best Friend" type of relationship.
It all changed when we were at his house one night and we were talking about different things. After a while, he came on to me and I didn't do anything to stop him. To my surprise, I enjoyed it.
That was back in 1985 and we are still together today.
Now as far as telling your wife...I think you should. It is unfair to her if you don't let her know how you feel. It will probably be very nasty at first like it was for me but in the long run, it would have been the right decision.
She deserves the right to get on with her life!
If it's not going to be with you, she must be told... so you can both move on. You say you are a Gay married Man so for all intents and purposes, your marriage is over.
I don't know if there are kids involved in your marriage but in my case there was my Daughter. My ex-wife was very angry with me for almost a year and kept me from seeing my Daughter.
Because she never stopped loving me, she did get over her anger at me and we actually became good Friends and I was able to see my Daughter again.
I'm not saying it will work out the same way with you but if you are 100% sure that you want to be with a Guy, you must tell her. You will not be able to hide it forever...At first I thought I could...I was wrong and you will come to know it too.
2006-10-26 18:52:06 · answer #2 · answered by MSJP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what the gay man can live with, and what's safe for his wife. If he's having regular sexual intercourse with this woman and also having sex with men, then she deserves to know that her safety may have been compromised and that she needs to be tested for STD's right away. If the gay man has not been engaging in sex with men, then it's really up to him to decide whether he wants to come out of the closet to the world and end his marriage, or if he wants to just continue with the way things are. Either way, professional counselling might be a tremendous help.
2006-10-26 17:06:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should definitely tell! You could be opening both her and yourself up to STDs and God knows what else. Why would you do that to a person? I don't care who you are-gay, straight, or otherwise instructed-but cheating is cheating, regardless of how you look at it. I was engaged to be married, and deep down I KNEW I was a lesbian, but I never once cheated on the man I was with. It was a relief when we broke up, though.
2006-10-26 17:04:14 · answer #4 · answered by Agent Double EL 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that people should be honest with their partners. When gay men marry straight women they deprive their wife and themselves of real honest loving relationships. That is not cool. Come clean and get some counseling.
2006-10-27 11:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his wife does not know about his other life, he should not be endangering her health by sleeping around with other men. He should tell her and end the marriage -- or stop sleeping around and stay in the marriage, setting aside his urges to be with men.
2006-10-26 19:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on what you want to do. If you want a true life, I would tell her, so you can live your life. If it involves your family, that depends on how you want to handle this in your life. Or you ready to be yourself or are you still going to lie to you family? I think your family is the most important thing in this, not your wife, you lied to her when you married her, now is the time to tell your family, they will help you through the rest.
2006-10-26 17:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by doris_38133 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not fair that she does not know. The gay's wife has been messed up ever so many years, so why mess up the rest of her life. It is not fair to either party!!!
2006-10-26 17:22:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wife deserves to know. The husband should not be a wimp and keep his sexual orientation to himself. If anything, the husband should not have married the wife in the first place.
2006-10-26 17:03:12 · answer #9 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He should be honest, its unfair to her. The gay man has chosen what he likes, let her choose also.
2006-10-27 01:07:02 · answer #10 · answered by Angelo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋