I'd like to marry my boyfriend, but I feel that we are very good friends and enjoy many of the same things, but I dont feel like we lust after each other all the time like in the movies. We have good sex when we have it but it's not all the time, maybe once or twice a week . . . is this not enough? Or is this a good thing? I find him attractive and he finds me attractive we just aren't going at it all the time. People are always shocked when I say that we dont have sex everynight. Are we suppossed to be tearing each others clothes off? We make each other laugh and hang out . . . is this a good foundation for marriage? or are we going to someday want some big lustful relationship???
2006-10-26 16:38:08 · 23 answers · asked by Astrid Beau Bega Belda Calixte 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Friendship is the MOST important in marriage ...besides COMMUNICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!
While sex can be a slightly important part, it's not all there is to marriage. Lust is ONLY one set of glands calling to the other. In this day and age waaaay tooooo much emphisis is put on SEX!!!
It sounds like you are on track with your sex lives. Sex doesn't necessarily have to be "like the movies" which are very unrealistic!!! There are MANY, MANY couples who only have sex a handful of times a month and are happy with it. As long as you are both satisfied with your sex life as it is, then go for it!!!
2006-10-26 16:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by x_southernbelle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"but I dont feel like we lust after each other all the time like in the movies."
Comparing non-fiction to fiction is a clear sign you are not ready for realistic marriage.
Movies has actors/actresses. Actresses/actors....act. All about role playing another character and "fantasy".
"We have good sex when we have it but it's not all the time, maybe once or twice a week . . . is this not enough? Or is this a good thing? "
Those are questions to ask him. Does he want more? Do you want less? Do you both agree on equal amount? No one on here can say it is a good or bad amount. That amount whether is good or bad is based on your relationship independantly from other's view points.
"People are always shocked when I say that we dont have sex everynight."
Then you hang around the wrong people. Why discussing your sexual life with people when it is non of anyone's business to judge it? As long as you two are happy with it, then other opinion's shoudn't matter.
If you two are unhappy, then it is up to you two to find that happiness in sex lives. Not match it to "societie's" sex lives.
My fiance and I sometimes have sex twice a day or once a day or once every other day when he is home. Go a few days with out it. No big deal.
Sex doesn't come with a schedule.
You both seem too undeveloped in relationship to be ready for marriage.
Work on confience in the relationship before you two try to move on to marriage.
2006-10-26 17:54:31 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know everyone is different and lusting day and night you'd never sleep or get anything productive done. It's important to the relationship though to be 'lustful' of your partner...I think so anyway. A good foundation for marriage is many things, not just sex. Respecting and admiring each other and seeking and working on the same goals. Easy open communication with each other and doing the little things that really count. So get married already!! :)
2006-10-26 16:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being friends is the best part. HOnestly...I don't know one single person that has sex EVERY night. My husband and I are pretty into sex...ok...we're perverts with each other...BUT, we aren't tearing our cloths off, bumping into furniture like you see on the movies..I really don't think that exists. It looks hot on screen...but in reality...I would have some pretty nasty bruises! We might have sex every other day maybe 3 or 4 times a week (at least when he was here hes' overseas deployed) So, anyway...friendship absolute most important!!!Lust...that goes away very soon into the relationship. It turns into something different...I forget what they call it...but they do have stages of relationships...that whole butterfly effect doesn't last long and if it happens still its not as much. I still get butterflies when I see my husband...It happens randomly. Not like it did when I first started sleeping with him!
2006-10-26 16:57:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got it made, babe. Have you heard the saying, "if it ain't broke, then don't fix it"?
Totally...friendship is more important than lust in a marriage. you have built a good foundation of being comfortable with each other, and it sounds like you have trust going too. I think you can easily work the lust situation a notch or so if need be so that should not be a worry.
2006-10-26 16:47:05 · answer #5 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Friendship is a great foundation for marriage. Lust is something that comes and goes, it can be really strong and then get old, but friendship never gets old. I think that you have a great start to a long-lasting relationship thats based on something other than sex, as long as you are attracted to each other you will want to have sex...believe me...
2006-10-26 20:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by Lady A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you don't go at it like they do in the movies. Lots of things in real life are not at all like the movies. Then you wonder if once or twice a week is enough. Honey, ENOUGH is whatever YOU & YOUR PARTNER decide it is. Actually, you answered your own question already. Reread what you wrote "We are very good friends and enjoy many of the same things. . . " "We have good sex. . . . " "We make each other laugh and hang out. . . " Relationships don't have to compare to anyone else's ideal. Sounds to me like it works for the two of you. Go with it! BE HAPPY !!! :) :)
2006-10-26 17:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by hellyeah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say.............I had a marriage for 25 years where the sex was not much...............then met a guy who rocked my world, the everyday, clothes tearing kind of thing and he is handsome, intelligent, educated, classy and of course rocks my world, but 9 years later still can't hold a job and is a bi-polar alcoholic.
My husband who I left was the salt of the earth, a rock, a hard worker, solid citizen who just bored me.
OK now I am alone, my world rocker threatened again yesterday to commit suicide, lives with his parents at 42, needs a buzz everyday, has a suspended license, (guess why) has no car, no job. I still love him. He rocks my world. (I also feel very sorry for him now)
I see him when I go pick him up and he never has money, cannot hold a waiter's or fast food job.
Sometimes I wish for the security of my first husband...........Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Could not stand that any longer.
Hope you are not more confused than ever.........life is not easy.
2006-10-26 16:54:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pulease! Once or twice a week AND you both dig each other?! GO for it!!! That's an excellent foundation for marriage! As long as you are both happy with it, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. They're just making these comments based on relationships they know that don't have decent friendships like yours does. It's the friendship that gets you through it all anyway. That's what will keep you attracted to each other over the long term. Congratulations!
2006-10-26 16:45:19 · answer #9 · answered by kim b 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Being good friends with your spouse is very important. If you have that, you just need commitment and communication and you'll be fine.
Lust abounds in the beginning of a relationship but it fades naturally. It can come and go throughout the relationship too. If you are apart I'm sure you'll be absolutely burning to get back to him, that's lust. It's possible to still feel passionate after many years together.
2006-10-26 16:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋