If you have an unhappy marriage or a failed marriage, what went wrong?

Question

Before you were married did you see signs now that you didn't see before? Did you marry the person for the wrong reasons? What were those reasons? What would you do differently this time? Any advice for someone who doesn't want a failed marriage is appreciated

Answer 1

In marriage, as in life, there are no guarantees. But the biggest and most vital thing in relationships is purpose, and the ability of the two considering entering into marriage, to communicate. If you both have the same kind of purpose, and are "on the same page" when it comes to most issues that concern you both, then it's likely that you've got pretty good chances to have a lasting marriage. However, there is an element of the fact that change is inevitable. But those who are willing to roll with the punches, and adapt to change TOGETHER will have a long and happy marriage.
But I say that there are no absolutes. Sometimes something comes along that neither were prepared for. What are your chances of handling whatever, WITH the person who is with you?

Answer 2

Marriage is a formal commitment. I feel that if a couple wants to have a family, then marriage is probably a good idea. It takes 20 years to raise a child, so the parents should be prepared to make that length of commitment. The formality of a marriage makes it more difficult to break things off after a simple fight and also forms a social contract -- most marriages are done if front of friends and family and serve as public indications that the two people seek permanency. There's also a religious implication -- it's a requirement for most religions and although that doesn't matter to some people, it does matter to others. Legal divorces don't need to be expensive battle, especially if both parties are adults. If you're going to get married, marry a mature person. If you're serious about the last sentence, then marriage probably isn't for you. There aren't many people out there who would want to be in a serious relationship without consummation. Good luck, though.

Answer 3

I saw signs of infidelity but chose to look the other way. i married for wrong reasons - being physically attracted to that person. If I could do it all over again, and this is what i have told my daughter so she can learn is this:
Know who you are going to marry. Ask the questions are going to matter down the road - example:
what religion are we going to embrace,
what faith are we going to bring our kid(s) up in, how many kids do we want,
what she expects from you as a parent,
is he going to be okay if you want to be a stay-home parent or not,
how are we going to share household chores, responsibilities,
where are we going to live
what are our long term goals
what his thought on infidelity
what happens to aging parents.....
You will have to think about stuff that matter to you and important things that will matter 10, 20 years down the road.
Good luck! i amsure you will be okay since you are asking a question like this! I wish I was mature enough to ask a q like this. I'd have saved myself from a heartache of a divorce.

Answer 4

I married not knowing the truth, she was dishonest and i found out 3 months in to the marriage, since then i knew she was not the one, but i felt i had to make it work, we were married 10 years and i can't recall any fun times, i should have hit the road a long time ago..........when the trust was broken, i didn't want it anymore

Answer 5

I divorce my 1st husband because he never listen,
he lie constanly and whe he get cut he become violent
I remarried since then to someone that don't like friend (unlike my X) to someone that only put his family first, listen and share his toughs, basically to a man
even tough he is younger than my X
my X was 14 years older than me my husband is 7 years older than mebefore I married my X i did not see any sigh because his family make sure everything say hidden form me they want to unload him on an unsupicious female
the knew he was a drunk
I married someone completly different

Answer 6

There weren't any signs that my ex-wife would lie & cheat. She was very into me, and we spent most of our time together before we got married....and had A LOT of sex. After the wedding, the sex dried up, I would catch her in one lie after another and then I caught her cheating. My only advice is to not just get to know your partner, but find out about their childhood and as much of their past as possible. I found out WAY to late in the whole thing that my ex had been sexually abused by a family member and that effected her behaviors a great deal.

Answer 7

I'm in an unhappy marriage because my husband cheats on me. He also lies about things. Before we got married, he cheated on me, but it wasn't as obvious as it has been since we've been married. I knew that some of his actions and lies were suspicious, but I didn't pay as much attention to them as I should have. I gave him the benefit of a doubt way too many times. I didn't listen to my inner voice which told me he was cheating on me.

Answer 8

i have nevered been married but i suggest you dont do it , there is nothing worse than having some whore you thought was a little princess change into a completely different person right after she says i do and then you wake inside of a court room litigating who gets the car , house , and kids. marrage is overatted and weak its makes me want to throw up

Answer 9

Marry for the right reasons,wait until your sure you've found the right guy.And don't do today what you won't do ten years from now.

Answer 10

too much time apart and I married too young.