My husband has cheated in the past. We have worked it out and been through counseling. He's been going out every Friday night - he PROMISES he's not doing anything wrong. My question is do I set him up by having a girl he doesn't know go where he's at and try talking to him, make passes at him, etc. I know I will run the risk of him cheating - but at least I would know if he really was committed to being with me only. If he cheats again he knows I am out of here, with the kids. He says he hasn't cheated in 4 years. Do I set him up? What are some of the things I should have the girl say or do to really put him to the test? And where in Gods name do I find someone willing to do something like this? I just don't want to waste anymore time with him, if he's not really going to stay faithful!
I asked this question earlier today - He goes out after work (he gets done around 11 pm), so I can't go w/ him. Can't hire a PI without him knowing I took money. Can't follow him - kids sleeping.
2006-10-26 16:24:53 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you have any friends willing to do it? There's nothing wrong with testing him and you're right you SHOULDN'T waste anymore time with him. Of course he will say he hasn't cheated, I'm sure he's said that before. It's hard for people to change, you either think cheating is wrong or you're okay with it. Do you believe that he has truly changed? You won't know until you put him to the test. Good luck girl!
2006-10-26 16:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about this....why is it that you can't trust your husband even after the counseling? Obviously he is still continuing to show behavior that you recognize since the last time he cheated. You don't need to send a friend to try and get him to cheat with. If you have a friend they can easily find out where he is at and just watch. Most likely the behavior of his that your familiar with is starting to show again. Digital cameras are great and small. While your friend is spying you can go ahead and have her take unnoticed pictures. By the way...keep in mind if you live in Californina it's a no fault state. Meaning if he is caught cheating on you, you can't use it as grounds for a divorce. Sorry been there.
2006-10-27 00:02:57 · answer #2 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do women have all the signs in their lap of a cheating man, yet they don't leave? Do you really want to catch him red handed? I mean you could call Cheaters I guess, but honey once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. Married or not. Instead of wasting your time setting him up you need to be setting you up an extra account and stash some money away, get a divorce with alimony and child support. How do you know he hasn't cheated in four years? Girl a man will promise you he ain't sleeping around with you on the phone and in the bed with another woman. And u runnin the risk of him cheatin sittiin here on yahoo answers wondering what you need to do! Use your women's intuition.... God gave us that much, use it!!
2006-10-26 23:36:31 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you, no woman should have to live like this. Either, you come to terms that he is a cheater, and live with it. Or do something about it, by kicking his a-- out . But to waste your time and energy on a game of cat and mouse is absurd. I understand you want answers, so get a babysitter and join him for a "surprise" drink. You'll be able to tell right away if things are on the up and up. By the way get decked out, like your just out for a night of fun. Tell him honey," I'm here so I can have some fun too". Turn the table around, they just love that. But by going in like a frumpy house wife(not saying you are) with a score to settle will just infuriate him. He will think your out to bust him. And what ever you do (do not) lose your cool. Once you get your answer, enjoy your relationship once again, and leave the past in the past or hire an attorney.
2006-10-26 23:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by Aces 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea.
Honey you either trust him or you don't. If you don't, and I don't blame you if you don't, you should never have taken him back. What kind of life is this for you and your kids. Don't you deserve better? Aren't you worth more than this. I know you are. We are all human beings, we ALL deserve more.
If you have worked it out, then trust that. It sounds like in your mind you have doubts. If you have doubts, quite often you are right to have thise doubts. Maybe you and the kids need a fresh start. As a guy, I want to say that him having sex with someone else doesn't mean he doesn't love you. But he might not respect you or the relationship enough not to take the risk of losing it.
Either way, unless you haven't been there for him sexually, or are guilty of the same things (cheating) yourself, he's most likely not worth any more of your life than you've already given him.
2006-10-26 23:35:11 · answer #5 · answered by messier 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not secure enough with what he says then yeah go ahead....but you need to be very careful so that he doesn't find out what you are up to because then that will one piss him off and two possibly hurt you more than help you. You should find someone that you work with maybe or ask some family members if they know someone that they trust and would be willing to help you out. The girl should pay attention to how he acts like if he is interested in meeting other people or if hes there just to relax from work...does he wear his ring? Then she should just conversate with him and eventually be like so how about we go out sometime? If he says yeah then there you go but if he says no thats when she should ask him if his wife is jealous and if hes cheated and if he would ever cheat things like that....basically the girl should act, talk, and dress like she wants him...think about how you would try to lure someone into bed with you...think about things that you know your husband would like to do or have done to him....Push his buttons until he can't be pushed no more....Every woman knows how to do this just some are better at it than others....Good Luck...and for your kids and your marriages sake I hope that the other woman has no luck!!!!
2006-10-26 23:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by xxsanchabonitaxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've said it before and I'll said it again once a cheat always a cheat unless there has been a 100% change. Your husband does not seem to have changed. I wouldn't waste my time trying to set him up. You answer you own question he goes out after work, don't come home until 11pm. What kind of time is he putting in with his wife and kids.
2006-10-26 23:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by Ellen J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do they have to flirt with him and cheat with him? Why can't they just follow him around? My god is it really that hard to figure this one out? "Gee, the only way I'll know if my husband is cheating is if my best girlfriend screws him." (coo-coo finger circle by temple)
The vey fact that you want him followed/tested plus his going out alone/swearing nothing is going on means 2 things: [1] you already suspect him which means you still have trust issues that he is doing nothing to make better and [2] he's probably getting some strange trim again.
Forget the promising and pleading - 99% of cheaters never change. Time to move on -- just don't rush into the next relationship.
2006-10-26 23:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my bf cheating. I am having a hard time trusting him, but the advise I was given, was to try to trust & hope it doesn't happen again. I went through constantly accusing him of seeing the same chick every move he made. Someone finally made me open my eyes when they told me that constant accusations will eventually push him to repeat cheating again. Just pray & trust that his apologies are sincere. Don't go looking for something you really don't want to know. Nothing stays in the dark & "God don't like ugly"... so if he is still continuing to cheat, it will eventually come to the light. Believe that!!!
2006-10-26 23:33:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look this is my point of you with marriage and everything in life
if you can not trust someone don't do businees with him, don't let her/him watch your children, don't deal with that person
in other word you can't spent your life worried about a man fidelity
you need to either trust him or not
but don't play that game with him
since their is a trust issue going here talk to him explain how you feel and make an appointment to see a counsolor
if it is too much for you guy to this to save your sanity and marriage than it is time for you to move on (divorce)
Good Luck
2006-10-26 23:31:57 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋