do i need a divorce?

Question

i have remarried and im now a stepdad to a 15y/o boy and a 7y/o girl. i do my best to treat them like my own(i have a 10yo son)but i cant.whenever im with them i yell at them i call them stupid,ugly,retarded and any other mean word tht i can think of at tht moment.i feel very bad about this.last month i walked in on my stepson crying and have since seen cuts on his wrist.even though their mom truely makes me happy i have been considering a divorce just for the sake of her children. should i go through with it?

yes she does know about this. she is often in the same room when it happens

Answer 1

You either need to get away from those kids NOW, or seek counseling immediately!

Answer 2

First off, what ever you do will affect the children, divorcing will not necessarily make it better. One question, how has it been dealing with children older than what you have experienced with your own? I ask this because I once use to care for a small boy who was 2 and I had a one year old boy myself. I just assumed that the boy should have been more advanced that what he was, and now that I look back I see that wow, he was only two, did I handle everything right or was I angry over something else. So first I would ask you are you expecting too much from a 15 year old boy? Do you know how to handle teenagers? What were you like at that age? Most boys are very naive at that age. Plus how does your wife treat you and your authority within the family? Maybe there are more things to this whole situation than you realize and it is just coming out in your words, words that are used to startle and daze everyone into seeing that things are not right, they need to listen and won't hear you unless you are just down right vulgar. Sit down with the family explain that if children tell there siblings they hate them, they all know that they are family and that it is just words, that they love each other no matter what. Tell them when you use those words it is not how you really feel about them, you just get so frustrated..... Then work on fixing it, go to counseling if you have to. The last thing that you want is a child to hurt himself, besides if you feel like a bad father to one child it will naturally flow over to your biological child. Could you live with yourself if a child committed suicide because they felt unwanted? It may be hard but try everything, if all else fails then yes, leave

Answer 3

Yes... or at least a separation until you can get some help (therapy, a kick in the butt,etc) for this problem. You are doing these kids a major injustice. What you are doing can cause them to have major self-esteem problems in the future. Children do not ask to be in the situations adults sometimes put them in. What if someone treated your son like that? I'm sure you'd be pretty upset! What does their mother think about how you treat them? Speaking as a mother, if my husband treated my children that way he'd be gone!!!!!!! If you truely loved your wife, it would never even cross your mind to treat those poor children that way! I hope you get the help you need. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Recognizing that you need help is an important step. Next, you need an attitude adjustment. Seek counseling. Change your lifestyle. Be a leader in the family instead of an abuser. Make a schedule of activities and lead in the group participation. Go for walks together. Ride bikes. Play and read together. Pray together. Eat meals together. As you do things together, you will change your attitudes and behaviors. You will also learn to interact with your family members in more appropriate ways. Get counseling for yourself and the rest of the family. Divorce is just another way to run away from a problem instead of correcting it. Correct the problem now and enjoy life later. The alternative is to suffer until the problem is corrected without regard to divorce.

Answer 5

You don't have to get a divorce, but you should leave the home and get help. I think in some way you might hurt these kids. I mean physically. You are already abusing them emotionally. That 15yo boy could do something destructive to himself or another family member. Maybe even you. All children deserve the chance to grow up in a stable, happy and healthy home. I'm wondering if these kids have a dad? If so you might want to think about what you would do if some Joe hurt your child.

Answer 6

Why let your wife pay for the bad things you have done? Is there a particular cause for your mean behavior? What's the problem with treating them nice? Maybe you can start by bringing the whole family (your wife, your son and her children) to somewhere and spend the day there together. Talk to her children when your wife is around, so she's watching you and you can't go haywire.
Should things get worse, seek professional help.

Answer 7

What you need to do is really ask yourself if it is the kids that bug you or is it really that you dont want to be with the mom. You said she makes you happy but you didnt say that you loved her. You might just be using the kids for an excuse to get rid of the mom. Be careful because that 15 yr old boy is going to grow up and could knock you on your *** one day. What ever your problem is dont take it out on the kids. Its not thier fault that you are not thier dad and they have no choice in the matter about where thier mom is they have to be. You married her knowing she had kids right? How did you get along with them when you were dating? I cant believe that the mom hasnt knocked you on your *** for treating her kids like that. I know I would of had my old mans things packed and at the door if I heard him talking like that to one of my boys. She should be the one considering divorce or getting you some help.

Answer 8

Been there, done that, I had an abusive step-father and if I wouldn't have gone to jail, I would have killed him. I had such a disfunctional childhood that lead to a disfunctional life. Any man that bully's children around doesn't think much of himself and has to show that he is a MACHO MAN by talking down to others. You need IMMEDIATE counceling. Why do the kids have to suffer? Do you talk that way to your child? If not, why? You are damaging their lives and names stick like crazy glue forever. I am in my 50's and remember every single word that bastard step said to me when I was 6,7,8,9,10,11,12, finally at 15 I ran away because I couldn't take anymore. What does their mother say when you are doing this? I would have thrown your *** O.U.T............. Get help immediately or YES get a divorce.

Answer 9

How stupid, ugly, retarded and mean are you that you can't controlled your ugly temper, face, actions and words?

Get a grip on yourself! Learn how to be a man for goodness sake ! You need some help badly.

This kind of treatment to a woman's children theat makes you truely happy? You must be some kind of fool. A real winner she's got in you!

Answer 10

Of course you should go through with it!!! If you yourself are seeing what a bad father you are being to those poor children and I put the inficise on bad father than you should get out forget even seeing a doctor about your messed up ideas of how children should be treated...do you treat your own child like this...? or is it just luck of the draw that you treat hers like that and if she is present while all this abuse is happening than she needs to be taken out of the picture to...shes weak a momma should defend her children against even you her husband man I cant even describe the uneasy feeling I get even hearing this story....please for there sake get away and make sure that the poor boy gets help and you better hope to God you havent done permanent damage.....I hope for your sake that they dont report you that comes with a prison term....you suck...Angel

Answer 11

You are verbally abusing them. You are probably verbally abusing their mother as well. Sounds like she is allowing this to happen to her own children, so she is either scared to stand up to you or she is figuring out a way to make a break from you. You are the one that needs some help regardless of whether you stay with these children or not. You must change. No one deserves to be treated the way you are treating these kids.