This is my poem please read and give me feed back:
How does one move on from the past she's tried so hard to leave behind?
Anguish, disgust, pain, it all engulfs her tender heart so fragile.
She's been broken and abused, lied to and confused, stabbed in her heart.
The past can not be forgotten, always haunting her, taunting her
She didn't ask for it, she didn't want it, but now she feels it
so nauseous and tormented, she feels so violated.
The sin is their's she knows, but her heart is heavy with memory.
The abuse is over, of that she's sure, now she must move on and let go.
-Meghan
2006-10-26 14:21:53 · 7 answers · asked by University Girl 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Sometimes it is easier to express deep feelings in a peom.
Hang in there. Jesus is loving you through it all. He suffered and knows what abuse is like and he did it all because of His Love for You.
God Bless You,
2006-10-26 14:34:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fairly good poem.....watch your pace...fine line between substance and melodrama.
soften the edges at bit....in parts the words themselves take over what could be better delivered through essence. By this I mean, that instead of flat out telling us about these emotions....let us feel them (pain and anguish are mere words, but what does pain and anguish feel like? look like? sound like? etc.) Don't be afraid to experiment with descriptive imagery-the language of the soul...sublime, mysterious etc. )..also your ending is a cop out. That's it? all that pain and then ...just let go....? you cut the reader off...fix your ending so that it tapers off and remains with the reader after the last word is read....
sometimes less is more. Thank you for showing that a poem DOES NOT have to rhyme to be a poem. keep up the good work!
2006-10-26 21:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by Pie's_Guy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is very heart wrenching. I feel it more suitable to a journal entry, but that is just me.
How to move on,the past so present.
Anguish, disgust, pain...engulfs my fragile heart.
I am broken~abused~
Lied to~Confused
My past stabs my heart, this taunting memory
Forever Haunting me.
Unbidden violations, torment and desecration.
This ghost named sin cloaks memory in darkness.
The crime is spent, of this I am sure....
Freed to shed this cocoon and leave it buried in earth...
Rising beyond guilt, resurrected to fresh birth
Just a thought...I do alot of work shopping in school when it comes to composition....I love poetry.
I in no way am making light of the situation Happy. I just want to help you move beyond it...transform it , honest
2006-10-26 14:51:32 · answer #3 · answered by GiGi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a great poem. Short, but powerful in its own way. Can I suggest something? One of the best places I've known to post poems and get people's oppinion of them is www.allpoetry.com. I'm a member (sort of inactive, though) but you can post, read other people's poems and works, comment on them and yada-yada. It's a great place. I'd suggest using it over yahoo answers because its a little more designed for that. But back to the poem, great job.
2006-10-27 01:47:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a GREAT poem, it's compelling and very sad honey, if this is a reflection of what's happened in your life, know that all things work for the better for those who love God, I know you do in some way and He is watching over you, he loves you. He loves all his children, all who are hurting.
2006-10-26 14:38:41 · answer #5 · answered by You are loved 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem's great, and I feel bad for you. Sounds like some viscious people have done some bad things to you, but you're ready to start something different for yourself. I'm routing for you!!
Remeber, it's hard to let go...but not impossible.
Take Care.
2006-10-26 14:32:13 · answer #6 · answered by dazedandconfused 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is great...keep it coming honey. But I hope you havent really suffered this bad. try writing sometthing a little happier to make you feel better
2006-10-26 14:29:52 · answer #7 · answered by tearsnomore2005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋