This is my poem please read and give me feed back:
How does one move on from the past she's tried so hard to leave behind?
Anguish, disgust, pain, it all engulfs her tender heart so fragile.
She's been broken and abused, lied to and confused, stabbed in her heart.
The past can not be forgotten, always haunting her, taunting her
She didn't ask for it, she didn't want it, but now she feels it
so nauseous and tormented, she feels so violated.
The sin is their's she knows, but her heart is heavy with memory.
The abuse is over, of that she's sure, now she must move on and let go.
-Meghan
2006-10-26 14:21:19 · 10 answers · asked by University Girl 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
God Bless You Megan.
Jesus suffered all the rejection and abuse on His way to the cross. He knows what pain and anguish is.
Please unite your sufferings to the sufferings of Christ for the salvation of souls.
2006-10-26 14:36:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get rid of the she's and hers for a start
it is a good start just needs some refinement
I took from your poem
and wrote this
hope you don't mind
How does one move on
To leave the past behind
Anguish disgust and sorrow
A heart engulfed
How to get to tomorrow
Broken and abused
Lied to and confused
Can’t be forgotten
Haunting, taunting
Nauseous, rotten
It was not wanted
Sickness and violation
Though not to blame this is known
Still there is the shame
That won’t be undone
Can there be a day bright and new
With skies of brighter blue
How to get to tomorrow
to heaven from hell
to freedom from pain and sorrow
2006-10-26 21:25:40 · answer #2 · answered by crct2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it, I like the whole meaning behind of how you could be in so much pain but in the end she was able to let go and move on. I think a lot of people can relate to it, in one way or another. Its original too, LOL
2006-10-26 21:25:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've done a beautiful job. I'm just wondering if you're o.k.?
there's so much pain and emotion in your writing, I can't help but wonder if the poem is about you.
2006-10-26 21:33:37 · answer #4 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess its pretty good, but if there's anything that's been done more than love in poems its vauge professions of angst, and many poets have done it much better.
2006-10-26 21:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by DonSoze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great poem i give it a 9 out of 10 mostly casue the pity me kinda thing is way over used(im talkin generally in life not just in your poem)
2006-10-26 21:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by chipmunk 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The poem is good because it explains the different emotions that one would nothing of if they didn't experience it themselves.
2006-10-26 21:32:51 · answer #7 · answered by eddygordo19 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meghan, I think it's poignant. I really hope you have someone to talk to who can help you through this. It's very telling...Please find someone you can trust to talk to.
2006-10-26 21:25:00 · answer #8 · answered by Lori L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it should be broken and bruised, lied to and abused. cos confused isnt a verb or whatever
2006-10-26 21:26:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it.
2006-10-26 21:23:13 · answer #10 · answered by Ryan K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋