I was unknowingly the mistress for five months. and for the last 3 months of that ordeal I felt paranoid, insecure, confused, and unhappy. I lost weight from having lack of an appetite. I personally believe that If I had stuck around with him after I found out that he was married I would have lost my mind completely. I feel this sort of situation is detrimental to one's mental and physical well being. what do you think?
p.s. This guy was my first boyfriend ever. I'm 23 and he's 26. I never slept with him because I am waiting til marriage and I also never kissed him, because I kept wondering if there were other girls. What a bad way to start off you dating life huh?
2006-10-26 12:28:03 · 34 answers · asked by Bu Tran 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
During the last three months I just felt that he was hiding something? I just thought maybe he was seeing other girls on the side. And when i confronted him about it he finally admitted he was married but claimed that his wife didn't treat him right. Shhouldn't he had atleast filed for divorce before going out with other women?
2006-10-26 12:59:03 · update #1
honey you were not the mistress for two reasons
1. you didnt know he was married when you started dating him
and 2. you did not have sex with him thank God!
don't be down on yourself and be proud of yourself for keeping yourself for that special man he will come and you won't regret your decisions
2006-10-26 13:47:41 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You had a boyfriend for five months and never even kissed him?? I don't think that qualifies you as a "mistress," dear, especially if you didn't even know he was married (but why were you so upset the whole time if you didn't know he was using you to cheat?). "Girlfriend," "woman on the side," "the other woman," maybe.
But either way, yes, it's very unhealthy. But good for you for breaking up with him when you found out, that shows a healthy amount of self-respect. Don't let it turn you off from dating/romance/love/etc, though. Try casual dating, just going out with a variety of men without letting things get too serious... then once you're comfortable you can pursue something more intimate and long-term.
2006-10-26 12:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The saying is that we unconsciously fall into the pattern we grew up with. For example, if a husband beats his wife up, girls have a tendency to pick abusive guys, boys have a tendency to be wife beaters themselves. Therefore, you might want to look at what made you pick this guy---and what made you wonder if there were other girls in his life.
To start out with a nice guy, have him around for a while and then discover that he is married is indeed, very detrimental to one's well being. There really is only one solution: to break the relationship up and to leave him. However, I do see a lot of women who do not care if the man is married, in fact, it seems as if they are trying to wreck his marriage, so not everyone feels the way you feel about his.
I wish you better luck next time and truly hope that you will encounter a much better experience next time...good luck
2006-10-26 12:35:51 · answer #3 · answered by MARIANNE G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
glad to know at least you are still sensible to be able to tell what is right and wrong and praise you for having do the right thing in the relationship as well. terribly sorry that you have been so much deceived but it's not too late to kick this out from your life cause now knowing this relationship you should also know it's a sin to continue to do that and it's not really life for it. it's has been a tormenting time when you found out about the relationship and it will during the process of picking yourself back again after ending this relationship but it's possible if you want to make it happen. it just need to be decided. the way you sounds you are much wiser than many. be good and the best for yourself and not settle anything less than that for your own good and take care.
2006-10-26 12:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by - 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a conscience then yes, I think it is unhealthy to be a mistress. There are women out there who see no problem with being with someone who is with someone else. I on the other hand would be just like you, and would probably be scarred if I had found out that I was the woman on the side. I saw what it has done to countless marriages and I would never want to be part of that. Good for you refusing to stay in that relationship, and don't worry someday you will find someone who is worth waiting for.
2006-10-26 12:34:40 · answer #5 · answered by Courtney M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't know you were the mistress than what were you so upset about? Maybe the whole relationship was unhealthy. Yes I do agree that being the "other" woman is detrimental to ones health, both physical and mental. Good Luck in dating and don't worry not ALL guys are losers like this one.
2006-10-26 12:31:38 · answer #6 · answered by Alyss K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes a tole on your self-esteem. if you were unaware for a period of time, then it really can be devastating to your self-esteem. those who willingly begin a relationship with someone knowing that they are the mistress usually have low self-esteem already. they often feel empowered knowing they are a secret & the desired one... weird. but, anyhow, it is good that you recognize this and even better that you never did much of anything physical with this guy because that is even worse emotionally.
sorry this had to happen to you, but you should learn everything you can from this situation.
by the way, technically i would say you were not a mistress, because they are the ones who actually have sex. still, it is some sort of emotional affair that the man had with you.
every woman is too good to be cheated on... and so is every man.
2006-10-26 12:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by christy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is unhealthy because not only are u the "other woman"...which means u are only second best, but u have the potential to destroy a whole family. Obviously it takes 2 to cheat and the person u are cheating with is also at fault. It's good that u broke it off when u found out he's married because nothing will ever come of that relationship.
2006-10-26 12:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if what you say is true, I for one congratulate you for not bending away from one thing gals today don't feel as a moral obligation to the person you or they might marry. With all the different diseases floating around in this world today, the youth of today disregard any if not all of the warnings they are given and give in to what they think are normal everyday affects that everyone should be doing today. It's no wonder that marraige these days collapes so quick with the negative choice kids make.
I congratulate your parents and your up-bringing plus you especially for holding on the your better sense and morals.
2006-10-26 12:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by AL 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that it is detrimental to be a mistress, but wondering if there were other girls shows a lack of trust, although your instincts were right. I also agree that he should have at the very least separated from his wife before dating. I would not however let it put me off dating, just be a little more selective and trust your instincts
2006-10-26 14:16:50 · answer #10 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men don't usually leave their marriage for the mistress. I think things just get boring at home and they are looking for a little variation or thrill. Give yourself more respect than that. You deserve a man that is so in love with you, that you will be the only woman in his life. Don't give yourself up especially to this other man. If he does this to his wife, what do you think he will do to you. I never understood that concept. Women will be with a married man, and possibly fall in love with him. Ultimately want him to leave his marriage, but come on ladies, why would you want a man that cheats on his wife to be with you, for life? If he has such lack of character to do this to his wife, what makes you think he won't do it to you?
2006-10-26 12:42:21 · answer #11 · answered by june clever 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋