It is a crock of shite. While she is supposed to be submissive to the "head of the house" she doesn't have to honor that when the mate IS NOT what they call a "Believer or in the Truth".
Anything and anyone who doesn't agree with them are from "Satan". They are forced to go to meetings 4 times a week for their so called spiritual feedings but in reality it is a brain washing because they can't think for themselves and when they stay away from the meetings they get "weakened" so to speak.
The gatherings are few and far between. Kids are not able to particpate in anything and the witnesses don't provide adequate substitutions. She will be told that all of your marital problems are tests for her faith and that Satan is the enemy of marriage and that she needs to pray more, go out in service more etc...
You will be pursued until you give in and have a study of your own. Their beliefs will invade even your marital bed. Mastubation being considered "idolatry" , Oral sex is a big NO-NO and considered to be a HOMOSEXUAL act. It will permeate every aspect of your life. Witnesses are very self-righteous and judgemental of those outside of their faith. You can't do anything about her being a witness. But you are kidding yourself if you think that you will be able to raise kids in a divided household. Just try and put up a Christmas tree and see what happens. While no one can force you not to. Your wife will make your life miserable because this is a serious TABOO to a witness. They are disgusted by it and she won't want so called "brothers & sisters' to come over and see it. You have 2 choices. Become a witness or tolerate it but don't knuckle under and don't be conned by the "nice" people.
2006-10-26 15:32:19
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answer #1
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answered by GrnApl 6
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That sounds like a really tough situation Joseph. I really can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Don't let the immediate circumstances that you find yourself in cause you to loose hope. If you are going to be a player rather than a passenger in this situation then you are going to need to be very shrewd and careful.
I have a few ideas / suggestions for you.
1. Begin a serious disciplined systematic private research project looking at the Jehovah's Witnesses. I suggest that you also read a basic philosophy book like, 'Philosophy Made Slightly Less Difficult' by JP Moreland. You'll also find quite a lot of inmation about Jehovah's Witnesses in the field of Christian Apologetics. They have done some absolutely brilliant critiques of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Building yourself a reasoning, calm, careful mind on the subject will be an invaluable tool for you in the future, and especially if your wife is open to thinking through her beliefs rationally, you may be able to help her see things more clearly.
2. She seems to want to be close to her family, yet they will not fellowship with her if she is not a JW. That is manipulative and not right. Familes should love each other no matter what. You need to love her in a way that accepts her, her beliefs and who she is. You will win her with that love I think. It is of absolutely infinite value to have someone in your life who loves you regardless of of whether or not you are a JW. If her family will only want to be with her, listen to her and help her if she is a JW then they are using love as a weapon to manipulate her into believing something she might not otherwise believe. That is evil. Demonstrate and give her, real love, real accepting love. Do wonderful romantic, things for her. Take her places. Massage her back. Cook supper for her. Get her little thoughtful presents.
3. Hold off on kids. If you haven't had them yet and you can wait - hold off. Wait to see what happens over the next couple of years. If things do go terribly wrong, it would be tragic to have involved kids if you have had the choice not to. Divorce often seriously damages children involved.
2006-10-26 19:37:17
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answer #2
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answered by socrates4hemlock 2
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Okay relax and take a breath....now my wife was raised JW...then left. When she was growing up they still did the Birthday thing it just was treated as a party...not a birthday per say but a party that just happened to fall on someones Birthday. As for your worries that she will divorce you for a JW...IF her family is practicing the TRUE JW religion then she CAN NOT divorce her husband...for ANY reason. Only the Man can divorce...yeah I hear ya go figure. AND if YOU divorce her then she may NEVER re marry. Having said that a lot of the JW Church's are getting more in-line with the real world....but the TRUE JW religion is what I stated.
As for what you can do...I guess you will have to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Let her know that you have NOT forgiven them for Shunning her and ask her to show you where in the bible it tells them to shun those that are not of the faith. ITS NOT There...I have been down this road with my wife's family. This can be worked out....trust me.
Best of luck
2006-10-26 20:03:13
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answer #3
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answered by oldman 4
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Hi. I'm one of JWs. I don't think you need to worry to much about your wife. She studies the Bible and that will help her to become a better wife and Mom. You should ask yourself though, How can I be a better husband and father (in the future)? We JWs , as a family, read the Bible everyday and see how we can apply that to ourselves and how we can please God everyday. As a husband and father, it is your responsibility, to make sure that you are heading your family just like Christ does. A lot of problems will be avoided if the family studies the Bible everyday. With regards to celebrations, if your wife can't give gifts on b-days and holidays, she can definitely give gifts anytime of the year, in which there is no conflict with what we learned from the Bible. One can have a special day or multiple special days for his kids anytime of the month, that is you are free to give gifts to them but not conflicting with the conscience of your wife and what she learned from the Bible. In our congregation, almost every weekend we have small gatherings in one family's house, so there are ways to be happy. But the greatest happiness that JWs realize is the doing of the will of the Father, knowing and following Christ and by being spiritually conscious. Love and respect should always be in the family. How's your share in your family life about those two qualities?
2006-10-30 10:24:22
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answer #4
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answered by trustdell1 3
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I'm sorry you're upset, but allow a Great-Grandma
to try to shed some light on the subject.
I have 4 grown children, several Grandchildren & two
precious G-Granddaughters. One,turns 5 tomorrow.
Those little girls spend alot of time here with me & Pawpaw
and if they had their way would be here all the time!
We've never celebrated any holidays/birthdays,etc, yet we
have a 'rec' room set up for them with tons of toys, books,
a frig full of treats,etc, all for them. But, the important thing is,
these children know they are LOVED.
(We've read Bible stories to them & they enjoy hearing how JESUS loves the childen)...
Two of my 4 grown children are dedicated baptized Witnesses
following Jesus' commission to share the GoodNews of God's Kingdom
The other 2 are not JW's...One has been disfellowshipped
for MANY years,and keeps pursuing the same dream he had
as a teen (music) Finally has a band, which keeps him busy.
My other son also stays too 'busy' to be a Witnesss,
but phones me daily ( a very sweet son)
The two serving Jehovah ARE HAPPY
The ones 'too busy' are NOT.
Actually,JW's are the busiest people in the world !!!
And, the happiest ( joy based on a genuine Bible based hope)
Inspite of some disagreements, I continue to love & encourage my 'busy' sons as much as any Mother could.They know they are loved as well.
Surprise gifts are waiting at the door,at this very moment; including a set golfclubs for my 14 yr old G-Son,a comforter for my daughter-in-law & nice winterwear for my estranged son who's 'disowned me'. THAT'S what happens when the SWORD DIVIDES, as Jesus said...Matthew 10: 34-36 KJV
JW's are NOTcold-hearted, and certainly NOT anything to fear! You seem very fearful, yet admit your wife is happy. Her family is happy. But you are miserable.
The Bible clearly tells mankind HOW to BE HAPPY. You can be,
and I truly hope you learn to be. Agape, Mawmaw
2006-10-27 01:01:52
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answer #5
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answered by Merry 4
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Marriage is a commitment and you need to do all you can to stay true to that commitment. That does NOT mean you have to become a JW. In fact, you should start reading your Bible faithfully so you understand just where this church is off base, because they are in a big way. In the meantime, love your wife and focus on your common ground. If kids come, I agree that you should let them experience all the good things that come with celebrating birthdays and holidays. The Bible is full of celebrations. There is nothing that should suggest you avoid them. Let your family members be a big part of any children's lives, and make sure your wife always knows she is welcome. Your situation is not impossible. It will just call for alot of compromise. In the meantime, stay clear of the JW's.
2006-10-26 23:32:07
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answer #6
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answered by whiteparrot 5
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Be thankful. As one of Jehovah's Witnesses she won't lie to you, or cheat on you.
As a witness she is required to view you her husband with love and respect.
You are to be her 'head' and she is to support you.
The bible tells her that her conduct toward you should be "fine and without reproach.
I grew up not as a witness and had all the "special" occasions you say you will miss.
I've found the love and support of giving all year round is better than "because of a date"
If it destroys your marriage it will not be because she became a witness. Everything is better even if only one of you are doing what the bible says.
Side note, as difficult as it was on you and your wife by the "treatment" of her family. I can promise you it was just as bad on her family. That is why it seems they are pushy. They wish to make up for lost time.
If you have problems with her family, search out an elder you feel comfortable with and talk to him.
He will really be on your side, cause Jehovah hates a divorcing.
email me if you want.
2006-10-26 19:38:10
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answer #7
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answered by TeeM 7
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First of all you need to wear the pants in the marriage. Your wife has to recognize that while you are her husband, you don't have to put up with her ignorant family. Decide now if you can stand up under the pressure, if not get out. I know it's easier said then done, but waiting to make a decision could make it that much harder and cause you a lot of misery. It doesn't sound like you have too much of a problem with your wife, just her family and the problems that can arise if children are to be born. Think about it now. I wish you all the luck.
2006-10-26 19:40:52
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answer #8
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answered by Special K 5
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Man thats a tough one, but no person on here will be able to give you the answer. She had to know what this would do to your marriage before this. Maybe she is pushing you away, or hoping you follow her as a Jehovah Witness.
2006-10-26 19:26:26
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answer #9
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answered by e260aaw 2
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i know several people who were married and the spouse was not a witness .the spouse can practice the faith without putting pressure on the non witness. this can only work if there are compromises . ask your spouse to get the book of" reasons." this should help.
2006-10-26 23:22:51
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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