My husband of 2.5 years refuses to work around the house even though he is not currently working. He sleeps in until 2pm and is up until 4am playing video games. I get up at 8am with our 18monthold.
He has recently started cutting me off in discussions, saying, "I'm done" and walking away. This is when we are not even fighting or tense, just discussing something, like rearranging the office furniture. Everything has to be HIS way, NO compromise.
I want him to get healthier. He is very obese and has gained 40 lbs over the past 2 years. He has an awesome gym membership provided by his work, but refuses to go. I try to cook healthy meals. He will go in and cook something for himself or go buy fast food rather than eat what I have cooked. He drinks coke and eats junk food all day. We do the grocery shopping jointly. If I put up a fuss when he puts it in the cart, he starts in about how he is the one that is paying for it anyway or he just walks away from me.
He refuses counselling
2006-10-26 11:06:02 · 14 answers · asked by Mommy Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wanted to clarify but it wouldn't give me room. He receives a salary, but only works 4 months in the summer as a Stationary Engineer. Rather then get paid a bunch for 4 months, and not having any money for the other 8, he receives 4 months' salary spread over 12 months. Right now he is not working. Hope that helps clarify it.
2006-10-26 12:53:02 · update #1
Behind every good man stands a good woman, sometimes it takes a strong(er) woman. A man may be the bread winner, and that's his part. That in "no" means gives him the title of family decision maker. The woman's part is to make decisions that impact the home, the health of the family, etc.. If you're not doing your part, and giving that authority to him.....you may find yourself in an unhappy, unhealthy situation for years to come. Don't be a dominating b*tch, but you need to take control over your family lady. By the way, your being the mother of his children overrides anything he provides to the family -- "Queen Bee". Just don't take too much advantage or he'll soon feel the same way you are now. You can change this situation to work better for you and your family....it's up to you. I hope this made sense, Good Luck in working it out in your own way......
2006-10-26 11:30:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my guy tries that "I'm done" cr@p, I don't stand for it. He hears "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" from me when he starts spoutin off at the mouth. Men will try and get away with anything - how much you allow is how much you'll get.
Don't accept ANY kind of verbal or emotional abuse from this turkey - he's not your dad, who the hell does he think he is??? When you cook, cook for yourself. When you shop, go by yourself and shop for yourself. Keep you stuff in one cabinet, and his in another. Yes I'm serious. Make your stand before there's no stand left to make.
And tell him that if he doesn't cut the cr@p in 30 days you are moving out. Put a red circle on the calendar and stick to it. Don't be available for his little ignorance or abuse parties - do things on your own, even if it's a book. Start building your own life, even though it may suck at first. Then in 29 days when you're not suprised nothing has changed, move out and on to a better life. See if he changes his tune once you're gone. If not, look at the nice life you've built for yourself. You don't need that putz in your life to be happy. Good luck to ya sister
2006-10-26 11:25:26 · answer #2 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to be a stronger than you are being right now. You are allowing him to order you around. You need to start laying down some rules and stick to them. Do not allow him to have as much control as you are giving him. Take away the keys cook healthy meals throw away all of the junk in the drawers and cupboards. When you eat healthy you feel better so this will at least be a start. Take his video game system and pawn it or give it to a thrift store or some needy kid. You just need to take more control than you have. Be strong your a woman I know its in there somewhere.
2006-10-26 11:11:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea, he certainly is dominating. If you can't open the lines of commuication with him, I think you're best to leave him. He's done just about every bad thing he could possibly do, and I get the impression things are only to get worse. You care about him a lot but I don't think he cares nearly as much about himself as you do about him. Communication is the key to marriage and if it's not there, I really don't see any reason to continue such a marriage. Before you leave him, try to get him to go to counseling, because I've seen many cases which worked out for the best. But if that does not work out, the best option is to find another husband who'll treat you much better.
2006-10-26 11:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am confused...you said he is currently not working, but that he has insurance a gym membership from work... Anywho, if he isn't working, and he has gained so much weight, there is a chance he could be a little depressed which could make him act this way. It sounds also like he has some resentment towards you for some reason!! He needs to get his stuff figured out. try talking to him calmly and see if you can get him to open up. he has got to realize that a marriage can't work without communication.
2006-10-26 11:11:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's terrible.
The sleep till 2pm is disgusting he's not participating in you or your childs life. Is he unhappy with you or is it that he is unhappy with himself. Try sitting down and talking to him dont tell him what to do ask him what you both can do to make things better. As he not working at the moment maybe you could both sit down and work out a roster to help with the house work.
2006-10-26 11:16:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One: Open your own bank account that way he has no access to money he doesn't make. This does not mean that you should not give him what he needs.
Two: Take the video game system some day when he's gone and throw it out
Three: tell him i'll kick is azz if he doesn't shape up, and that i'll take the wife he takes for granted and pleasure her all night
2006-10-26 11:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by harry_potter_kid 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed...maybe you need to give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are going to leave with the baby unless he goes to therapy...even if you don't mean it! Anything to get him to go! Kind of like an intervention type threat...it just might work!
2006-10-26 12:21:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed. He needs counseling. He needs a mental health evaluati on. Put your foot down. Your marriage may be at risk.
2006-10-26 11:47:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when it comes time and the time will come, for him to work in the bed room. You too should refuse, he's only doing what you're letting him do.
2006-10-26 11:15:55 · answer #10 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋