can't get husbands ex-wife out of my life advice please?

Question

been married for 6 months and wondering if i made the wrong dicision. My husband is great its his ex-wife i can't stand. she hates me because i married her husband.She keeps close tabs with his family calls and chats,gos over and visits...which would be fine except she spends all her time talking about me or my husband and how awful we are.This just causes problems with his family and us as she is very manipulating can cry REALY well and spends all her free time trying to get everyone to take her side and hate us. My husband says just to ignore her as thats just the way she is and will not change. Unforchently they have a 5 yr. old child together so she will be around for at least 12 more yrs.I know i should be the better person but she just knows how to get under my skin.My husband will not say anything to her as he does not want to start any trouble with the ex because of his son.His family said she will always be welcome in thier home because she is the mom of thier granchild.

Answer 1

If I was your husband, I wouldn't tolerate such behavior from my x. Your husband isn't putting you first. He's following the path of least resistance. He should not allow this from his x-wife. Just because they have a son, doesn't mean that she is allowed to invade and corrupt your marriage, but it's up to him to put an end to it. If he won't then yes, you may have made a mistake, where the only way to get him to get off dead center is to explain that this either ends now or you're gone. If he won't budge, then you'll at least know that his vows were contingent upon other circumstances, where being a lesser priority isn't going to work for you. Better to end it now than later, if that's what it comes to.

Answer 2

When you married that man with a child you had to realize you were marrying into issues. For the child's sake, you need to get along with the ex. The child needs to see healthy relationships and it is your responsibility as a new step mom to show that child those relationships. Pretend the child was your own biological child and make decisions from that standpoint. It seems to me that you should have been encouraging your now husband to work on his marriage when he was dating you!! She really shouldn't know any information about you and your husband unless he is telling her. She does have a right to express her personal opinions just as you have. They have a five year old and will be around for 12 more years, but you need to check the statistics, you may not be around THAT long. The statistics for second marriages are not that great, especially when kids are involved. Your husband could be saying to ignore her, when in actuality, he should be encouraging a solid foundation for his child that the two of you could actually have. Is he ignoring her, she should be your friend. Your HUSBAND is not the great guy you think, he gave up on his marriage when there was a child involved. Any relationship can be repaired if people are trying, if he was busy dating you, do you think he was trying to repair his marriage!!! Bottom Line - If he walks out on a child ... he will walk out on you!!!!!!

Answer 3

Well, you're off to a good satrt - recording the phone messages. A lawyer will tell you first thing: document, document, document any and all criminal behavior. Harrassment is criminal. Assault is criminal. And on a personal level, that this woman would do this to the father of her child - in FRONT OF THE CHILD, no less - is criminal. All you can do is get your ducks in a row before you go to court. Keep recording those messages. Get yourself a notebook, and write down detailed accounts of any and all incidnets where she is physically and/or verbally abusive. Use your cell phone to record her in person outbursts, and film them if possible. The more evidence you have that this woman is, indeed, bat$hit, the easier it will be to get her out of your lives. If you are dilligent about this, it is a signal to the court that youa are not lying, that you are not doing this because you have an axe to grind - but because this woman is breaking the law. Boy, do I pity her son. Be as good to him as you can - another good sign in court, and it sounds like he could use a stable, positive female influence in his life. I hope you get what you're after and that the boy can cope with all this drama. You all have my sympathy.

Answer 4

Ex wifes should not be apart of the new relationship. Its not healthy or respectful to the new partner. She should not be involved in your life at all. The only relationship he should have is with his child as the child is only 5 the ex would have to have some input although as the child gets older she should back off and allow your husband and yourself develop your own relationship without her input. You will never be able to have a proper bond as long as she is involved as she obviously dislikes you and will not encourage that bond. Try and spend as much time as you can concentrating on the child and building a relationship with her. As for your husband going over there all the time maybe he should go to pick up the child and take her/him to a park rather then visiting at the ex's house. The ex needs to let go and stop relying on your husband for emotional support.
Good Luck

Answer 5

It's obvious that some boundaries need to be set here. Your husband needs to talk to his ex-wife to tell her that she needs to respect your new marriage.

Your husband's family will draw their own conclusions. If invited to a family function, I would call ahead to see if the ex will also be there. If so, decline the invitation. Your marriage is the most important thing, next to the well being of the child.

As far as your step-son is concerned, be as gracious to him as possible. I wouldn't bad mouth his mother for anything. This would only add fuel to the fire.
Sooner or later, the ex (hopefully) will meet someone else and let go of your spouse.

When all else fails, seek professional counseling.
Good luck.

Answer 6

In this one, you should just wait it out and be the bigger person. She's never going to like you but for the sake of the child, you need to try to be patient with her. She may tire of her games after a while, particularly if she finds a new man. I know it's unbearably irritating and she's a complete manipulative monster, but the most you can do is comment on how sad it is she's unable to get on with her life. Don't counter by saying bad things about her, but simply point out when she's wrong about what she says about you, and then repeat it's so sad that you figure so largely in this woman's mind.

I heard from my grown adult daughter that my ex (whom I divorced five years ago and never see or speak to) does nothing but talk about me when she visits, and if she tries to change the subject, he finds a way to bring it back to me. She realizes it's really sad and pathetic, and I can only wonder how the woman he lives with now feels about it that he's a broken record about me after all these years. People will eventually tire of your husband's ex's whining and will recognize it for what it is. Just be sweet, kind, wonderful and they'll soon know what's going on.

Answer 7

I feel for you, I've been in your shoes. My husband's ex cheated on him, divorced him, and married the other guy ten years ago. When we first got married, she made life absolutely unbearable for us.
She kept his son from him every chance she got because she didn't like me. She was just fine until he found someone else. It's been a struggle for several years, but I must admit that it has gotten easier. When the ex realizes that your husband isn't sticking up for your welfare, she is definitely gloating. My husband fortunately has stood up to his ex for me. I have stood up to this woman also on more than one occasion. You have to stand your ground, too, for your own sanity. She retaliated by keeping his son from him on my husband's visitation days. She always told him that it was strictly due to me, thinking that my husband would take it out on me, but he never did. Fortunately my husband's family wants nothing to do with her. That's a big problem when there is bitterness in a past relationship.
My ex's family and I are still close because I wasn't the problem in my marriage break up. I get along great with my ex's wife because we weren't competing against one another.She wasn't the cause of our divorce so I had no problem with her. I don't know what your situation is.
Obviously your husband's ex feels like you and she are in competition for some reason. She has the problem. If my ex's current wife felt that she had to compete with me for his family's attention, then there might have been problems, but fortunately that didn't happen. Each situation is different. Above everything else, Hon, keep his child feeling secure with you and your husband. The child will see, as he grows up, the love that you can give him. My husband's ex has bad-mouthed myself and my husband to his son for six years and now his son is 17 years old and is saying that he sees his mom for the person she is. He is comfortable with his dad and I when he is here and that's what matters. Give his child a loving, stable home and eventually she will lose interest when she realizes that she's not going to cause any friction between you and your husband. I know how hard it can be. I almost gave up my marriage more than once, but realized that this was what she was aiming for. She even called my husband once, after we were engaged, to try to get back with him. It's like, they didn't want them, but they don't want anyone else to have them either. If you had told me five years ago that I would still be in this marriage with my husband after all the problems his ex caused, I wouldn't have believed you. You hang in there if you love your husband and everything will work out. Also, it sure doesn't hurt to pray about it. The Good Lord will most definitely help out. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

I know how you feel as I am in a very similar situation. What is it with these women..they are called X's for a reason...it is especially hard when children are involved because then they start manipulating tactics with the child. I hope that your husband would express to his parents how much it bothers you that they allow her to run yall down...bringing the grandkid to visit is one thing but allowing her to dog you out is another.

Just to let you know, ive been trying the killing her with kindness technique..i dont know if its working or not..we dont see if shes going crazy behind close doors or not...lol..but she still drives me crazy but she doesnt know that because i always have a SMILE....i hope your situation gets better..x wives are a *****!

Answer 9

Tuff spot to be in but you're not alone. Unfortunately you will have to learn to live with the situation. I think it's important not to bad mouth her, she obviously is able to gather the troops when necessary. Your husband left her and chose you to spend his life with, think about that when she gets under your skin. His family may be nice to her because of their grandchild and they certainly are not going to take up arms against their own son where she is concerned. It may look like she's swaying them but blood really is thicker. Eventually she will burn that bridge. Kill her with kindness it's the best defense I've found and will make it obvious she's manipulating. Six months???? You're still a newly wed, enjoy your husband !

Answer 10

First, you did not marry her husband, you married her ex-husband :)

Your in-laws should not allow her to speak about you or your husband. The life you two share together is none of her business and they should make that clear to her.

They may be afraid to stand up to her, fearing that she will not allow them to continue seeing their grandson or nephew.

As bad as it makes you feel, she will be welcomed to their house. There should be a limit, if it is not regarding the child then she should not be included.

The sad part is, you are letting it get to you, DON'T. She is the miserable one because she is still holding on to her past, she refuses to move on and she will always be unhappy. Don't let her make you unhappy, just remember you have what she wants.