Do You Feel More Marriages Would Survive If People.....?

Question

Lived together first?

Nope, I am not trying to justify living together before marriage. For what reason would I need to justify that? I don't do it, but some people do, and that's a fact. What i'm asking is, if the situations where people live together before they get married, result in happier marriages or longer lasting marriages than those that don't. Not trying to justify anything, just trying to understand.

Answer 1

If you would have asked me this a year ago I would have said absolutely NO!
Now, at the age of 38, for the first time I lived with the man of my dreams. I realized so much about him in the 9 months we were together. Things that if were not fixed, we would never survive.
I learned a lot about my self and the way we had so many differences. I have an engagement ring on my finger. I love him more than anything. We are still best of friends and are both working on many problem areas we have.
Our hope is to one day be together with all the ugly stuff removed.
So...although leaving "our home" was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I am thankful that we didn't get married at this point in our life.
With all the problems we both realized we had and the healing from past relationshipsthat is so needed, I know without a doubt we would have had a failed marriage.
If we never marry, yet that is our hope someday, I still have my very best friend forever.
A marriage would have been a disaster ending in what probably would have been a heated divorce.
Hope this is helpful,
T

Answer 2

Actually I think that's why the divorce rate is so high. Too many do live together before marriage. I saw a study that said people that lived together have a higher divorce rate than couples that didn't.

Here's part of it:

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2003-08/ps-ltb080403.php
The Penn State team compared data on 1425 people married between 1964 and 1980 when cohabitation was less common and between 1981 and 1997 when cohabitation was more common. They found that, in both groups, cohabiters reported less happiness and more marital conflict than noncohabiters. Also, in both groups, couples who lived together before marriage were more likely to divorce.

and a link for another study:http://www.pobronson.com/blog/2006/06/will-this-marriage-last-does-living.html

Answer 3

No, I think more marriages would survive if people knew each other first! To many people get married and then figure out that they don't share the same morals, values, and opinions on many other things! One person may want 5 kids and the other 1, after the wedding is a bad time to talk about such things! Another example is what religion your kids will follow. Another is your political outlook! All these things are important. You don't have to live with someone to know them! But you should definitely take the time to know them!

Answer 4

I think it is your prefrence either way! I am LDS ( morman) and we belive in not living with someone before you are married, and I am getting married in a month and it is hard to not want to be with someone all of the time, but I think if you really love the person then no matter how diffrent your lives are at home when you get married if you relly love them that much you will compromise on the way that you do things in your home together, but some people are the kind of people that have to live with some one first and there is nothing wrong with that either

Answer 5

statistically, marriages in the use fail more often if the couple cohabitates first. I know this is statiscitcs for first time marriages. But it all depends on the reason as well. First, statistics show that if a couple cohabitates before marriage with the reason being a "test marriage" it would be more likely to fail. But, if its for reasoning of financial issues like saving up before the wedding or out of convenience, not as a "test marriage" then it would be more likely to work. I am divorced, i didnt live with my husband before we got married, we had seperate places, but..hey it didnt work out. Its been almost 2.5 years since the split, and i have since met a wonderful man, and we are living together, hapily. We decided to cohabitate because of financial reasons, that and we get along great as friends as well. We're deeply in love with eachother. Someday i do hope to marry him. But with statistics there is always an exception to the rule. I believe it all depends on the people, time, and the reason.

Answer 6

Based on my own marriage of twenty year, living together two years before marrying, I can say YES ! But thats just my opinion, I think no matter what, it still all comes down to how ready people are to just 'bail' on problems rather than try and work things out. Of course some things are just unacceptable, but all in all, a trial run of how you would get on together may lead to many years happily married or scare you away from it altogether !!!

Answer 7

Living together undermines commitment, since it's assumed that if one person finds enough faults in the other, he's free to leave. However, successful marriages are not the result of a lack of annoying qualities in the other; they are the result of choosing to love and forgive the other daily, with all of his or her imperfections. It is the ability to sacrifice that holds marriages together, not the absence of nuisances. Couples who refuse to cohabit before marriage and refuse to engage in premarital sex seem to have a better understanding of the notion of sacrifice than couples who give in.

So, the desire to "test drive" a marriage demonstrates a lack of understanding regarding what makes a marriage work. It also shows a real lack of faith in one's love for the other. In one sense, the couple is saying that they desire intimacy, but on the other hand they want to leave a way out if the partner doesn't measure up. This sows seeds of doubt and distrust from the start. Some couples seem to be under the impression that a good relationship won't have disappointments. When they marry and the disappointments come, they often bail out.

If things are running smoothly for a cohabiting couple, they may head toward marriage, thinking, "Well, we haven't been fighting much lately, and after living together for this long, I sure don't want to start over with someone else. Why don't we just make it official?" These couples often find it difficult to explain exactly what marriage is. You go through a big ceremony, get a piece of paper and new Tupperware, and go back to what you were doing before. This undermines the meaning of marriage as a covenant that two people make with God. Since they think less of marriage, they are less likely to work tirelessly to preserve it. Even when cohabiting couples do not end up marrying (85% don't), their breakup can be as wrenching as an actual divorce.

Answer 8

Living together first is a small negative in the long run. Most break-ups have nothing to do with the prior living together. Living together may sour other family members making a later breakup a little more likely.

Answer 9

I think it all goes back to the couple. My sister lived with her husband 7 years before marrying him. 3 years into their marriage they somehow lost the love. I can't really say either way would prove whether a marriage will last or not.

Answer 10

Nope I dont think that. There is a difference between being married and being together and being boyfriend/girlfriend and living together. I dont think that its a good idea. And actually statistics show that people who wait until they are married to live together are more likely to stay together rather than not. There are just different feelings between the two and it really isnt about the peice of paper.