Why does my husband look at porn and masterbate to it then trys to lie and cover it up?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have had a great sex life until this year. He would tell our friends that I was the one that always wanted to have sex. So I slowed way down to where we would do it once a week. On my times of the month I would give him a BJ knowing that I could not have sex just to try to please him. I have always been open, I have had a threesome for HIM and even done a Threesome with all women in front of him for HIM. So I am not afraid of Porn we have even watched it together. But here recently he has been looking at porn online and masterbating to it. Then he trys to cover it up, the other day I found 3 different masterbating lotions hidden. Our sex life sucks now too we only do it like 1time a month because I start it. He always says he trys but only when the kids are around knowing nothing will happen. He says looking at porn is my fault because he is horney and we never do it. I am ready to leave him tired of lies and I over reacting?

Answer 1

Okay usually I defend the porn watchers but in this case you are not over reacting. It is obvious something is going on with him. I don't know what or how to even prodict sence I don't know the neither of you. But my guess is he is either too lazy to engage or he is board. The other thing too is do you know what porn he is looking at. He may have a hidden sexual fantasy that is really turning him on and he is afraid to ask you for it or it is something he is unsure of how accepting you would be. I know like at a time I was all into DP and I must have watched hours of porn with that in there because the idea turned me on that much and my bf wouldn't let a female in the bed with us let alone another male. Anyway might be something like that. Try to find out what type of porn he is engaging in and then make the judgment. If it comes down to him being board, than hold your head up know it is you and find someone new who will treat you like the queen you are! I know I am probably not much help but hopefully some of my advice helps you out a little :-)

Answer 2

If a person feels trapped and believe it or not, embarrassed by the confrontation of a situation it's likely that they'll blame the confront er.
If he is feeling pressured he will not be able to perform and will be inclined to approach when he knows the answer will be no.
With porn mags his dignity isn't crushed, as in fantasy he has the control.
It's a shame that you got no pleasure out of the various threesomes. It may have been better to do it 'cos you wanted to, not to guilt trip him.
You sound a bit of a martyr..You know that expression 'come down off that bloody cross someone might need the wood for fire'.
Can't you just have sex for fun like some of the lucky ones out there.

Answer 3

If he does it as soon as in a at the same time, no huge deal, probably you would get into it in combination. If he does it very often - like a couple of instances per week - or in case your intercourse existence begins exchanging, I believe you may have a obstacle within the making. People do masturbate, it is vitally healthful. Some humans urged that he's sneaking round considering you do not adore it, however I am pondering if he's sneaking round considering he thinks he's being bizarre however looks like he cannot quit. I'm definite I'll get plenty of confrontation from others, however I believe if anybody is spending plenty of time with Internet porn, they ought to discover a existence. I do not believe it's the quality approach to categorical a sexual nature. The well information, tho, is he more often than not is not dishonest.

Answer 4

You are really over reacting! He's right, its his natural urges to have sex and you aren't giving it to him nearly enough! If you want to keep your man you have to suck it up and do it regardless of whether you are in the mood because men want it 20 times more than women do. You're lucky he's just using porn and hasn't found another woman. Granted he shouldn't lie about it but he might just be trying to protect your feelings. He can't help his urges.

You need to figure out what is going on in your life that has killed the sexual desires you used to have. I suggest counseling! But whatever it is you had better get to the bottom of it quick before you lose him!

Answer 5

You're not overacting. Obviously, something is wrong because he keeps hiding things from you. I would be direct with him and pull his card and tell him about the lotions and how you know he masterbates while looking at porn. It's not fair to you that he's been lying and covering thing up. In my opinion, when men look at porn and masterbatnig to it while they are with someone or married, it feels like cheating because he's thinking of someone else while pleasing himself.

Answer 6

Since you guys have been so open and honest with each other in the past this is kind of strange.

I don't think your really over reacting but you should set down and talk to him. Since your communication has been so good in the past I don't see why he would have trouble telling you the truth.

I know some men just like the way they do it better. They are rougher than we are.

Answer 7

Well have to admire your attitude towards sex, if I had to guess you two have lived out fantasies, where as most married folks they just stay as fantasies, so in my guess the whole lookin at porn and and slappin the purple headed yogurt thrower is a way of being in his own world with different fantasies, working on coming up with one to share with you again.

Answer 8

I have the same problem except I do not approve of the porn and he always gets caught lying to me about t I always find something. It makes me so mad especially when he doesnt need it. I do not think your over reacting I think he needs to stop being a pervert.

Answer 9

I do think you may be overreacting by wanting to leave but you do need to find out whe he is spending so much time looking at the porn and masterbating which is affecting your sex life. He should not be putting the blame on you. Seek counseling.

Answer 10

perhaps your answers lie in seeing a sex therapist. there's something he's not telling you. perhaps he'd open up more to a therapist. on the secrecy and the lying about it, "flying solo" can be a very private thing to him even if he's done it for you before and getting caught doing it is pretty embarrassing... i don't think that confronting him about it is going to improve your stagnant sex life... perhaps you should try to talk to him about it like you've asked us here and see if he'd agree to setting an appointment with a sex therapist. it could save your marriage.