how do you get over an abortion?

Question

i had one 5 years ago and was kind of pushed into it (and regret it) but every day i think of him and how he would of been now

Answer 1

It sounds as if you was pushed into it and if you had your way you wouldnt of had an abortion. You sound like you are a loving and caring person. Lets just hope you never make this mistake again. Loosing a child if its an abortion or a miscarrage and you are a loving person you will always remember this child and you will always greive for it, but you need to learn to move on. I lost a baby when i was 6 months pregnant and it has been 15 years and i still grieve for him and i never even got to see what he looked like..Its hard you just have to pull your self together and move on..Having another baby wont help, you will still miss this one you aborted.But you still have room in your heart for more babies..I have one living child and i love the one i lost as much as i love the one that is living..There are no words to help. But there are groups to help you coop with your loss..This is the first step to starting the grieving proses talking about it...God bless you and take care...

Answer 2

You should see a counsellor and a pro-choice one not one who is biased and going to make you think you did something wrong. It sounds like you have a little bit of depression. I had an abortion too but, I chose to have it and don't regret it. I grew up listening to a lot of that stuff about women regretting abortions (had a very religious and antichoice upbrining) so when I went in to have my abortion I made a decision that I was going to move on. I also struggle with depression (before the abortion) and I know that living in the past is always going to make you feel worse. You have to appreciate what you have now not what could have been. If you are looking for an unbiased psychologist to help you deal with this, get a refferal from planned parenthood or another pro-choice group. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think the first thing you have to do is to understand that it was not your fault. You would not have chosen to do it but you were forced. You will ALWAYS think about that baby. He or she was a part of you and always will be. I lost my son 6 years ago and not 1 minute goes by that I don't think of him. You have to stop beating yourself up...it's not helping you. I also think you could use your story and how you feel to help others that may be thinking about abortion. People assume that they can have an abortion and forget about it but you are proof that is not the way it is. To sit and think what he could be today will drive you crazy. I know it may seem like you are in a no-win situation but doyou know how many women want to have abortions..you can talk to them and share your story. Maybe you can go volunteer at a pro-choice center. Don't every assume that because you had an abortion your life is messed up forever. There are always people who need friends. I think that if a day went by and you didn't think about that baby, I would think something is wrong. You will make a great parent some day. You may need some counseling to get over this and there is nothing wrong with that. I wish you all the best and remember you are not a bad person..

Answer 4

You should not regret it. You were not ready to be a parent. It would've been selfish to bring a child into the world with one parent not ready and the other parents pushing for the baby to go away. He would've been screwed up is what he'd be. And you don't really know if you'd be wanting it this badly if he was born... you might resented the unwanted child who'd burden you for 18+ yrs. You must've partly not wanted a child to agree to the abortion in the first place. And there's nothing wrong with accepting this, taking control of your own life, and not letting others judge/control you.

Think of it this way: do you what "what if" every time you use contraception?? Each time a person has protected sex, they may be preventing a life from being born. What of all the babies you didn't have because you used birth control?

You need to accept what yuo did what the best you could at the time. You should stop blaming yourself. Stop buying into the "abortion is evil" line. Nobody knows what it was like to be in your shoes 5 yrs ago.

Answer 5

Honestly I don't think you get over anything like this, but u have to accept it. I'm so sorry that someone would push u to do something like this. I do have one advise, don't dwell on it. The more u wonder about the what if's and the maybe's you might forget to go on with your life and have more kids, and it's not good for u anyway. Accept it now and move on with your life and remeber their are a lot of single mother's out there and they make it. If the father doesn't want this child then u raise him. (A lot of brillant people in this world today were raise by just one parent.)

Answer 6

One should not live their life in regret. You can't go back and change things, so try to reflect back on how you got pushed into that situation and learn from it. Don't let yourself get pushed into something like that again.
Perhaps you can get some closure talking to friends or maybe some sort of group therapy.

Answer 7

I had one at age 20 (41 now). I didn't want to do it, but I was unmarried and wasn't ready in any way to have a baby. I went on to have my first child (of 3) at age 24. I have never regretted doing it as my life would be completely different.

Answer 8

You should have had deppression pills at the start maybe you still need some but the best cure is when you have more children who need your love then it fades away as your to busy bringing them up ..Every one regrets some thing in their life yours is by far the hardest but still you can get over it and enjoy life.Smile have a nice day.

Answer 9

Well, you can try to have another baby if possible. Once you do have another baby, your attention will be diverted towards this child. You can't really live in the past because you don't know what this child would have been like, but you can plan for another one and plan for what he/she would be like. At least you'll have a better window of certainly knowing that, that baby is in your stomach and waiting to come out at some point.

Answer 10

I think after 5 years it's time to let go. You've done the crying, the griefing, etc, and moved on. If you are still thinking about him, then is something missing in your life today. You are not being fulfilled as a woman or a mother.