my 13 year old is shutting me out/ she tell me that i do not understand her?

Answer 1

My 12 year old step daughter is doing the same crap to me and her dad... it's the age, the changes etc... Stay as involved as possible, she'll come back around.

Answer 2

It is very common for 13 year olds to tell parents that they don't understand. In many situations it's true or is perceived as true due to a lack of communication.

When your daughter says this, sit down and talk. ask her to explain what she thinks you don't understand. Listen to what she says, giving head nods to indicate your listening. Try not to get mad. When she is done speaking repeat back to her, "what I understand you are saying is....". when she agrees that that is what she was trying to say...

tell her your view and why you are doing/ acting the way you are. So you can protect her, because you don't want ____ happening, because in your life such and such occured, etc.


Many times a good, what would you do if you had a child and s/he wanted to do ___, helps them get into the parents point of view. Other children might just use it to say, I'd let them do it. Which you would follow up with a, really? And have them explain why? When they are done, if you still don't agree let them know why. If nothing else it will have let them start thinking things through from a parent point of view. Be honest with them.

They may still not agree with what you are saying, but many times teens appriciate you taking the extra time and treating them like adults. Several times it will help open both of your eyes to the other persons views. Also many of these conversations lead into deeper and more meaningful conversations, that may actually be what is the root of the problem.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Did your mother understand you at 13? most likely not. In fact if I remember that far back correctly I did not understand my self at that age. All you can do is try and be supportive let her know that you love her no matter what happens.I was blessed with a great mother.I put her through hell and back.While I felt that she just did not "get me" I always knew that I could got to her with whatever Problems I had no matter how big or small.Now I;m not saying that I always did I just knew I could and that made all the difference. In the end I grew out of that no one understands me age and my mother and I had a great relationship. Good luck I hope this helps some.

Answer 4

That is a 13 year old. Going through her 1 of many stages. Give her the room she needs and tell her that you are here for her when she needs you. Give her time and let her know that there is nothing she can't talk to you about and that you are willing to listen to anything she has to say. You will get through this just stay strong. :O)

Answer 5

You probably don't understand her. What you do need to do is work hard to TRY to understand her. Becoming a teenager is hard...being in between a child and an adult...she needs you to realize that she is growing up. I always appreciated when my mother put me on her level and talked to me as an equal. Sit her down and tell her that you love her...and that you want to understand her but you can't do it unless she helps you. I had many riffs with my mother growing up (I am now 21) but now I can honestly say that my mother is my best friend and understands me more than anyone else in the world. If she doesn't want to talk to you now...let her know that you are there any time that she does. Good luck.

Answer 6

This is only a phase and she will grow out of it. She is seeking her independance. Although it's hard, all you can really do is be a supportive parent and let her make small decisions for herself. If you sit her down and say "I think you're grown up enough to make a few decisions for yourself. What would you change about our rules if you could?" Don't let her cross what you're comfortable with but be sure you atleast make a small attempt to loosen your parenting control. For Example: extending a curfew a little as long as she is honest about where she's going won't hurt anything and might help open up the communications for you. This will also prove that you're on her side and that you aknowledge she is growing up and you trust her ability to make good choices. Also know that one day she will wake up and realize that you're not the monster she makes you out to be.

Answer 7

think back to when you were 13. you probably did the same thing. try to show her that you can open up to her, and that you can be a friend also... maybe you shut her out too... in her eyes... maybe she doesn't feel that she can talk to you about things, b/c you won't understand... you've been that age before, just try to remember how hard it was for you... and take that to her... if you make yourself avaliable and open without judgement, you might find you two can have a great relationship, in time of course.

Answer 8

Probably you don't understand her. Remembering what it was like to be a 13 year old and actually being a 13 year old are completely different. But I have no clue on how to make things better...

Answer 9

Evil 13 is quite normal. The hormones are raging and all that stuff is confusing and everything to her too. Body is changing and so is her outlook on life. The best advise I can give you is to just be her friend. I know you want to be her mom, but what she needs a someone who knows her in and out, and who better to do that than mom?
Good luck, it will only get worse.

Answer 10

This is obviously your first 13 year old. They absolutely all do that. My daughter didn't talk to me from age 13-16. Seriously, I don't think she said twenty words to me in three years. Now we're good buddies.