I need help! I am pregnant, what should I do?

Question

I have dated my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, but I know he is going to be very upset if I tell him the bad news! I don't know what to do. I have been on bc for 2 years and never had any problems, my bf and I have been rocky for a month, and because I have been upset and under stress, I forgot to take some of my bc pills last month. Now, I feel like this is all my fault and he is going to kill me... wait! not just him, everyone! My mom, my dad, my family, everyone is going to be so upset at me, because I let it happen. But, I swear, I want kids, but not right now. I am going to school and working full-time. I can barely support myself, what am I going to do with a kid? I want to have an abortion or give it up for adoption, but I have huge doubts. I am sad, angry, freaked-out, scared, excited, shocked! WTF? I don't want a kid, why am I excited? Why am I having doubts about abortion? What are the odds that I might not get pregnant later in life if I have an abortion? What should I do? HELP!

Answer 1

In this modern day and age a termination of a pregnancy is very safe and there is nothing to indicate you will have trouble with further pregnancies. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that you are pregnant. Feeling guilty will solve nothing, you are pregnant and having recriminations will just make you sit on this problem for too long. It needs to be dealt with right now. You and your boyfriend need to work on this problem together.

I just read some other answers and I have to say there are a lot of ignorant answers out there...there is no proof that it doubles the risk of breast cancer...it is a phalacy and people should not quote stuff they know nothing about. How on earth could a termination cause breast cancer....even the professionals cannot say that it does.
This question is quite close to me right now because I went with my friend yesterday for her to have a termination. They did an ultrasound and found out she was 19 weeks pregnant....too far along to have this kind of procedure. When I was sitting in the waiting room there were two couples there....young couples, the father of the embryo was there too, supporting his partner. It was a good thing to see. They werent stressed, they just came to a decision together....and that is what you need to do. You definitely need support.

Just to ease your mind, if you do a termination early enough, it is just a mass of cells, there are no nerves...it doesnt even look like a baby. It is when you start thinking about it as a baby is when you will get into trouble. Having a termination neither hurts the mother, neither does it hurt the embryo. It is a very safe procedure, done in very sterile surroundings and the staff at these clinics are just so very nice....but you need to get it done early on in the pregnancy.

It is only early stages yet, and you do have a little bit of time to get your head around it. You would have at least the next 2 weeks to decide what you want to do...but you need to make that decision with your boyfriend...he needs to be included. If your boyfriend will not sit down calmly with you, then you need to tell a close friend...a friend who will not judge you, but listen and help you decide what you want to do. It is a very scary time for any girl/woman to make this kind of decision, so you cannot make it lightly. You cannot have regrets afterwards because it is useless and damaging to your mental health. This is your body. This is your choice. This is your future. Dont let anyone tell you any differently. No-one else is in your situation therefore no-one else has any rights to tell you what to do...it must be your choice....well your's and your boyfriends choice. If your boyfriend will not sit down and talk sensibly about all the options, then I would really have doubts as to whether I would want to be with someone like that. Two people make a baby...yes, you forgot to take a couple of pills, but that didnt mean you deliberately wanted to fall pregnant. It is not your fault, you made a mistake and guess what....we all make mistakes because we are human beings. Dont beat yourself up over this. Talk to your boyfriend and come up with a solution. Be calm because when you are under stress then it is very difficult to think clearly...that is why you need someone to help you put your thoughts together. Dont wait too long otherwise the confusion will just get worse. Maybe your boyfriend wont be angry, maybe he will think highly of you for respecting him and including him in this decision. Sounds to me like you think you are too young to have a baby, so if your boyfriend knows this then why would he be angry with you. I could understand it if you wanted to have the baby, then he would probably feel angry with you if he didnt want a child. Talk to him...find out what he would like to do and as a couple come up with a solution.

Good luck, its a terrible situation for any girl to find herself in. But its not the end of the world and you can go on and live a full and wonderful life if you choose termination. You will go on to have another 10 babies if you want to, but only when you are ready and are in a loving and supportive relationship.

Answer 2

I know you've heard it all before, but I'll tell you again just in case...

1) If your boyfriend will get angry about it, all he was there for is a ride. If the child is unwanted then let him help make the decision with you... you must tell him;
2) Assuming you are over 18, the need to tell others is predicated on your conscience. Most parents won't get mad (I didn't), but they will expect the guy to take responsibility. This is the difference between being a male and being a man... a man assumes his responsibility like it or not;
3) It's amazing how protective dads get when their little girl gets pregnant, so unless you want to chance good ol' boyfriend getting an earful (or more), you must talk with boyfriend and get plans made before you let it out to your parents. Make sure boyfriend is there if you break the news;
4) Babies are not bad news. If you were prepared to have sex then you should have been prepared to give life... after all, that's what sex is for....right?
5) If you choose to have an abortion, he should pay half, you should pay half. If he refuses take him to court... small claims court is about $150. If you both choose to keep it, then make damn sure you get a court order for child support immediately.
6) Next time, either cross your legs or tell him to bend it in half and stick the snotty end out.

Answer 3

First of all calm down and think. If you don't want this baby give it up for adoption now. If you do want it then have the baby. You are never financial ready for a baby. You will be able to get pregnant again if you have an abortion just make sure you are ready for that. It is a life long decision that you live with forever. It is always in the back of your mind. If you are over 18 then I would talk to your boyfriend and see what he says. If he wants nothing to do with it or you then you have to decide if you want to raise a baby alone or not.

Answer 4

Well for starters its not the end of the world. Just because you have a kid does not mean that you still can't do what you want to do in life. It just makes things a little harder, having a child was the best thing that happened to me. It just made me more responsible. And it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders so I know that everything will be okay. As far as your boyfriend I guess it's time for him to start saving. And even though your parents maybe mad at first sooner or later they will be happy. I don't think that parents can be mad at us forever. Be happy that you are pregnant there are people out there that can't get pregnant. ADOPTIONS AND ABORTIONS IS A BIG NO. YOU PROBABLY WILL HATE YOURSELF IN THE LONG RUN!!!!!!!!! Good Luck

Answer 5

DONT LISTEN TO ME-
LISTEN TO YOURSELF-
I'M JUST GIVING ADVICE

Now you are excited clearly because your pregnant. And your boyfriend has to know about this, everyone should (family). I know for sure if my girl friend had an ABORTION WITH MY CHILD, I WOULD FREAK! What I personally think, you should do tell everyone you want to know about this, personally alone maybe over phone if you want. Then give them a week or two and then get all of them together and discuss your feelings and their feelings about this. If you got them all together and then told them you are pregnant on the spot, everyone would freak out and yell and complain...but if you tell them each separately and give them time to think it over, THEN get them together to discuss this as a group I think is your best option. Don't do anything until the father is informed and he has had time to think about it. I wish you good luck and make the best decision for the child.

Answer 6

abortion is VERY damaging to your body and will double your risk of breast cancer, if you don't die from infection or a punctured intestine in the first place. also, abortion will make it more difficult to concieve later on. please, put your baby up for adoption. there is a childless couple out there right now who would love to take care of your baby. and tell your parents--once they get over the initial shock, they will support you. good luck and god bless.

Answer 7

trust me, everything is very scary when dealing with this. you will go through virtually every emotion possible. I did too, but i PROMISE, the second you lay eyes on your baby (ultrasound) or hear the heartbeat, you will fall in love INSTANTLY. then nothing else will matter, and there is government help for single mothers. Keep me posted!!!!!

Answer 8

Please check out a local resource for immediate guidance. It's great that you are able to ask for help; but you need something more than Yahoo answers.