family dilemma?

Question

My mum has decided she wants to come down to me a couple of days before the birth and stay till after. we have never been really close and she lives quite far away (150 miles). My cousin has just given birth and my auntie was there the whole time. This is why I think she wants to come down, so it looks good. She was down a few weeks ago for 4 days and exausted me completely, i was ready for a holiday when she left. I know i may sound a bit mean, she is my mum and I do love her, but I reallywanted a quiet 2 weeks after the birth for my partner and myself to bond with our first baby. I don't mind one day of visits by family from both sides, but thats it for 2 weeks. My question is do u think Im feeling this coz of mad pregnancy hormones and how do i tell my mum I would rather she didn't come down then? Should I just let her come down and live with it? I don't want to upset anyone and maybe im over reacting???

Answer 1

Sweetheart, your feelings are completely normal and understandable. Now yes there might be a little of hormone thing going on there but it does not change the fact you want to share this time with your baby's daddy and you and baby...my advice if you might take it is let her come because you never now she might come in handy (when you give birth and in convalescence you will know what I mean)...your time with baby this is something nobody can take away from you...You are mommy and you will be the only one who could understand your baby this is a time to get to know each other (you and baby and to bond) so if after your mom comes and you give birth you find that after a week you are pulling your hairs then be honest with mom, and tell her how you feel...I'm sure you will find the words to talk to her being you are going to be humble and filled with the love only having a child and going thru the miracle of birth can give you.
Best Wishes and Congratulations on your new Bundle of Joy God Bless!

Answer 2

If this is your first baby then I would tell her to come after you get home from the hospital. You will be grateful for her help after the birth. Just tell her you want to really bond with the baby so you will only impose on her services for a few days. That's a nicer way to put it. You can also say that you would like her to teach your partner how to handle and care for the new baby. So that the 3 of you can be a family. Promise to keep her udated, send pictures, whatever. Just help her to feel wanted and needed but only for those few days After the birth. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you are saying.You don't sound nuts, and the first few days after a baby is born are so precious.

But perhaps she could stay in a hotel nearby? I didn't think I would need any help at all after the birth of my first, but both the baby and I were quite ill and I needed a lot of help, so my in-laws stayed almost 2 weeks to help out. Take this with a grain of salt if you have friends nearby you can count on--but don't underestimate the amount of help you might need. And don't feel bad about thinking you might need help (I thought I was superwoman--big mistake!).

Answer 4

No matter what you relationship with you mom, if you want a quiet house the first 2 weeks you should have it. My husband and I did the same thing. We were nice about it. We announced when our daughter was born and asked that people respect our "bonding time" and asked that visitors come by only when we were ready. Not a single person was offended, not even my inlaws.
Most people understand how hard the first few weeks are, they will appreciate your feelings.
Best of luck!

Answer 5

I had a similar situation this past winter, I gave birth to a baby boy in December 2005. Prior to this my family and I had a huge falling out. Both of my parents were there for the birth however. It put a very tense mood on me through out the whole day and I would have preferred they just stayed away. Since the birth I have seen my mom once and dad three times. And always still very strange to see them. The day your baby comes you do not want anything adding extra stress. I would suggest you find a caring way of telling her to just stay away.
Best of luck and early congratulations!!!

Answer 6

I think you should tell her exactly what you told us - "You're my mum, and I love you, but I really want a quiet 2 weeks after the birth for my partner and myself to bond with our first baby." Like you said, you've never really been close. It will probably hurt her feelings, but those first two weeks are so important and your hormones will be fluctuating wildly. You'd be likely to hurt her feelings even more if she irritated you while your hormones were wildly out of whack.

Answer 7

I know exactly what you mean...Your not the only one who doesn't really get a long with their mother. But listen...Its your choice. If you don't want her to come and stay an extensive amount of time, tell her that well in advance. Tell her you and your partner really want to be a lone right now but that she can come for a couple days...And I know what its like when they do stuff because it "looks good"...Anyway do what you feel, and don't feel guilty.

You deserve to spend your first days as a mother just the way you want to.

Answer 8

I think what you're feeling is completly normal. If you're wanting some space you could try saying something like. "Ya know mom, I'd love to see you, but I've been pretty tired, and I think I might be cranky, and if you came down right now, I wouldn't wanna take anything out on you that isn't your fault. Maybe we can schedule a time for you to come down after I've gotten things together a bit."

Answer 9

See that is the crazy thing, you think that you want to be alone but it does feel really good to have people around you all the time. The day that I came home with my first and only daughter I was out with my friends taking a walk with her in the stroler. It was great. I thought that I would want to be alone too, but it turns out I really enjoyed the company rather than not.

Answer 10

I understand....just tell her that you know she wants to be there for you and help but that you and your husband want a couple of weeks to bond with the baby and share as the family you now are. Tell her she is welcome to come afterwards to meet her grandson/daughter. Just tell her or you'll be in h*** for those 2 weeks.