been together for a year and a half. lived together. after a year he proposed. six months later he broke up with me (done, over, wouldn't talk, see or face me)due to different factors on both parties. (no cheating involved) he said he got cold feet and needed a little space. we got back together four days later and decided to take it solw and not live together. i see him everyday but go home at night and on the weekend i stay with him. how do you go from having it all with all your dreams coming true to having nothing to having a little. How do you transition to just dating when you are use to having him there all the time and being yourself again instead of feeling like you are on egg shells all the time scared of irritating him or making him mad, etc. any advice on how to deal with this and get things back to the way it use to be. its great between us but its very different gosh i want my ring back and OUR life back...tell me how you JUST date someone after having all that.
2006-10-26 08:44:28 · 21 answers · asked by badgebabys65 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he tells me he loves me all the time & he really means it or he is the type he would not say it at all. he calls me most of the time. he will not talk about our relationship. i have tried to bring it up & he says he don't want to talk about it cause it will end up in an arguement. he just says he likes the way things are right now & needs some space & we will take things slow. he has some things on him right now personally (studing for employment upgrade). he has said in the past that he has lived on his own for the past 5 years & it is a change to live with someone. but we lived together for 1 1/2 years-his choice. come on! he dated a girl for 5 1/2 years before me whom he never proposed to & broke up with her for me. (he said he knew he wouldn't ever marry her just stayed for convience) we hit it off so good it scared us both but he made me lower my guard for him now he has his guard up (i got hurt really bad couple years ago & he knows ). we both know we are the one. but why this?
2006-10-26 08:45:13 · update #1
he did not take the ring back...he told me to wear it until "we" decided but one night when we were both mad I told him i wasn't going to wear it anymore and he said he didn't care (we were mad). so i haven't worn it. my choice. he keeps looking at my finger but doesn't say anything about it. i have the ring in my possession.
2006-10-26 09:13:54 · update #2
Sounds like a case of "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." He also clearly has commitment issues, since he couldn't commit to a girl after 5 years. Now he can't commit to you, even though supposedly he loves you so much. You want to protect the ones you love and marriage is about protection. You have no legal rights as someone's girlfriend, you have to be a wife to make decisions, inherit, etc. Here is a question to ask him - "why would you deny me, your loved one, these protections?"
2006-10-26 08:52:17 · answer #1 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the both of you need to take it slow, don't rush anything and maybe that's the way he was feeling. He was scared things moving too fast and probably fetlt closterphobic. It may the fantasy of having someone for you but for him it's something more. Most people now in days don't think about getting married and they are the reason why marriages decline. I believe the both of you are making the right thing about taking it slow and if you can be together without being married for a long time than that's a relationship that can last forever.
2006-10-26 08:50:41 · answer #2 · answered by awhisper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is very unsure of what he wants. He runs head first into something, only to start thinking after he's done it, that it wasn't a good idea. To tell you the truth, I don't think he's planning on marrying you period. To me, it sounds like he likes being on his own without having to explain himself or answer to anyone, but to keep the title of being a boyfriend. Having to walk on eggshells is not a relationship, and it's no way to live. I would talk to him one more time, and if you don't feel any better about it, break up with him and give yourself some space. That's what he wanted, right? Give it to him, but do it on your own terms. Then watch and see if he wakes up, or if he goes for someone else. if he does...then apparently he wasn't 'the One' Good Luck.
2006-10-26 08:54:13 · answer #3 · answered by Maico 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are just a little too dependent on him and a little needy. Give him his space. You can not force a man into a relationship he doesn't want to be in. You can either go with the flow, or move on. If you feel like you're walking on egg shells and afraid of irritating him, that is just not healthy. I suggest you find some interests for yourself and see if you grow. You sound more like you're afraid to be alone.....
2006-10-26 08:50:08 · answer #4 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better run like the wind. If he used someone for "convenience" for 5 1/2 years, he will have no problem doing that you as well. Tell him that you deserve someone who wants to plan a life with you and since he has opted out, you will need to look for someone else. If he really loves you, he will get over his cold feet if he thinks you are serious about this.
Please don't waste your life waiting on someone else to change!!
2006-10-26 08:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by Nunya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. If you continue in this relationship you are going to have more pain than you know how to cope with. He obviously doesn't want to make a commitment but he wants the sex and everything that goes with it. If you have any self respect, get out of the relationship and find someone who wants a committed relationship. Next time around, don't live with the guy, it only causes heartache.
2006-10-26 08:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by Punky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally, do not agree with his behavior. He wants to have his space, but have you around, after breaking your heart once before. It's not fair to you that he gets to have his cake and eat it too. It's not fair for you to be there for him, at his back and call, while he ponders why he needs space and when he wants to see you, took your ring back, broke off your engagement and feeds you b.s. about how he isn't 'comfortable' living with anyone. Girl, you deserve so much better.
Good luck!
and p.s. you shouldn't feel like your walking on eggshells around someone you have known this long, "scared" you will make him "mad"
2006-10-26 08:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this man is really confused and doesn't know what he wants. You need to sit with this man and find out what is bothering him and let him know how you feel. If you let him do this to you it might just happen again and once you're not showing a problem with it now then he'll think you wouldn't complain later. This is more than he's letting you know. Don't wait till it's to late, you may love this man and him might love you but that doesn't stop people from hurting one another and their selves.
2006-10-26 08:57:07 · answer #8 · answered by Blue Petals 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that....I know how it is living w/ someone and then having them just want to be friends.....but since your case is a little different...I would tell him that this is something that we need to talk about and tell him about him having his guard up and how much that hurts you...but since I don't know all the details..really all I can say is that you really need to talk to him...hope that I helped!
2006-10-26 08:50:52 · answer #9 · answered by Cutie Tootie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The break up rate for people that live together is 81%!!!!! Living together means a roommate with benefits thing and isnt' much of a commitment. You guys probably are not going to make it because you want it all; marriage, picket fence; and he wants to just date and have sex. Your probably incompatible and need to move on.
2006-10-26 08:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋