What, psychologically, is at the core of a crippling inability to make decisions?

Question

My indecisiveness is ruining my life, and I don't know where it's coming from. I've been this way my entire life, but lately it's worse and worse (I'm in my late 20s). I can't continue this way, but I don't know what to do. What is at the core of this?

(for Chiara: I'm referring to life decisions, like where to move. but also little decisions sometimes too.)

Answer 1

A fear of the unknown, or a lack of trust in yourself (self confidence) or a mix of both.

Answer 2

I think the root of the problem is a fear of making the wrong decisions. What else could it possibly be? You're probably a perfectionist. Try to remind yourself that there is no definite right or wrong decision in most cases. You just have to do the best you can. Besides, we're usually very bad at predicting how our decisions will affect us anyway. We think choosing a certain path will lead to happiness, but once we're on that path we realize we were wrong. We worry that choosing another way will lead to misery, but when forced to go that way we find it really isn't so bad. Sometimes what we think initially is a bad decision turns out to be the best decision we've ever made. Unless you're deciding whether to cut the blue wire or the red one, stop taking it all so seriously.

Answer 3

There could be many things at this core. Fear of loosing control, are you someone who has to be in complete control? You may need to soul search and understand who you really are, as well as understand what the world is. The only person who can tell you what is wrong is yourself, you are the only one who can truly figure it out and make yourself better. Look deeper into yourself, figure out why you make certain choices based on the dessisions on hand. Do you second guess to much, thinking about the best situation when you can just go with a certain flow and try to be satisfied with what you get. One impotant thing to note is to not be worried over what could happen, and focus on what you will do to make something happen. Don't second guess to much, you never really know how something is going to play out untill it actually has already happened. Just do a little soul search or understanding, self analyse, and go from there. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Being Carefree/Careless.

Without an interest in what's at stake, why would you seek to act? It's not just hope, that doesn't compel but abate a passionless person. You need certainty, to press your limits, to Know how to reconcile your alienation from a domain, to be artful enough to make what's improbable or False, Real and True.

There are swarms of medicated nobodies. If you're enamored by despair, follow it to the deepest pit. Nothing compels more than the face of death looking back at your sloth. Or consign yourself to mediocrity-- who cares about you after all?

Make it happen. If you don't know how, go find out.

Answer 5

Hmm...I'll be different and give you a more "positive" answer. Reading all that got kinda depressing...maybe it's not fear, ignorance, etc., but knowledge and concern instead. You have concern for your own future, and it matters to you how everything turns out, so you fret over making the best educated guess you can. You are bent on getting perfect results...an outcome that benefits. Thus, you linger on your knowledge, and then feeling the frustration start there. Maybe options aren't always good...they do seem to make things difficult sometimes.

Answer 6

Fear pure and simple. You don't want to be wrong because you strive for perfection. A decision is a commitment which can become a nightmare. A decision can make you look foolish.
Remember when faced with a decision - DO SOMETHING regardless if it is right or wrong. ALWAYS take the responsibilty and the credit for the decision.

Answer 7

I've struggled with this too. There was once a time when my opinion or feeling on a topic depended on the last person I spoke with. I got real tired of not knowing whether I was coming or going so I started reading alot. I know alot of people think self-help books are corny but for some of us, they change our lives. When I really stopped listening to everyone else and instead started doing the hard work of figuring out who I really was inside (like what I stand for, my dreams, visions, morals etc), things started coming into perspective. I found that the more I understood what I was really about, the easier it was to make decisions that lined up with who I really was. When I make a decision now that is not in alignment with my true self, I feel uncomfortable, anxious and confused about a situation. It's become alot easier for me to go about my decision making with this tatic.

I'm not gonna tell you that changing is easy. This has been a two year process so far with me. But I can tell you that it is life changing and worth every ounce of time, energy and pain that is involved. I hope things turn out well for you.

Answer 8

Not to worry. It is a lack of understanding yourself and your (extreme) importance in the picture of life. This understanding brings self-assurance and worth into their proper perspectives. The result is that making decisions is no longer and issue. There are other benefits as well.

Answer 9

Fear of failure, especially for those with really harsh parents. And even more so if your parent(s) liked to make you feel like crap for nothing. It's hard to know what's the right thing to do when there was never a rational pattern to your early discipline. It can make you afraid of any decision. But you can overcome that. Think rationally and decide for yourself what is right and wrong. You are the only one who can know what the best choice is for you. Breath deep, listen to what you really want, get informed and then go for it!

Answer 10

Are you attracting over-bearing personalities? They have psychological needs too which you may be unknowingly fulfilling. It may be a pattern passed from your family. In such a case, first realize what is happening. Then decide if you want to be in control or not. In some cases, you may have to get away from some personalities, at least until you feel that you can exert your own authority.

Answer 11

JUST THE WAY THAT YOU ASKED IT...SAYS A LOT. I THINK A GOOD EXPLANATION IS IN A BOOK..."CODEPENDENT NO MORE". THERE WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH ROOM FOR ME TO ANSWER ALL THE REASONS, AND A NEED FOR MORE QUESTIONS TO BE SURE. BUT IF YOU READ THIS BOOK, I GUARANTEE...YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE DECISIONS! ALSO YOU WILL JUST BECOME A MORE EMPOWERED PERSON ALTOGETHER! I KNOW, I HAVE BEEN THERE. EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT A CODEPENDENT PERSON, THIS BOOK HAS SOME GREAT INFORMATION FOR ANY PERSON TO LEARN A LOT FROM...HONESTLY. PLEASE READ IT, YOU WON'T BE SORRY! I THINK THIS PROBLEM YOU HAVE GOES WAY BACK INTO YOUR HISTORY. ANYWAYS, READ THE BOOK, GUARANTEED TO HELP YOU!! IT SAVED MY LIFE! GOOD LUCK!