Posted earlier but want more ideas/answers.
I have been married for 7 years. I am extremely happy with my wife and we have a very active sex life. I wouldn't even dream of ending our marriage. We barely ever fight and love each other to death.
However
I have never been with another woman before my wife and the urge to do so is killing me. It is getting to the point where it is consuming my thoughts and making it hard for me to even do my job. All I can think about it getting busy with another girl. I won't do it because I love my wife and I know how badly it would hurt her, and the guilt would be horrible. I am afraid though that one day this urge might overwhelm my good senses and I will do something stupid. I wouldn't dare even bring this up with my wife because it would freak her out for sure no matter what I promised. I realize this urge is normal with everyone but it is definitely at an unhealthy level and it needs to back off.
Any help? My marriage means the world to me.
2006-10-26 08:30:58 · 17 answers · asked by fucose_man 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To be clear I know this is wrong and I know it is potentially destructive. What I am asking for help with is how to deal with it. I already have a guilt trip even though I haven't actually done anything. I am also well aware of why I shouldn't screw around and of course the idea of my wife doing it makes me sick. My wife and I have probably more sex than almost anyone we know - I'd say a good 45-90 minutes almost every day and I love every minute of it. It has nothing to do with my wife and everything to do with me - I just want to banish these urges to the back burner where they belong.
Please don't just say "look at porn". I have spent enough time already sexing it up on the net. As for dressing up ideas - yeah we already do that it is fun but it's still her. I stress - there is nothing wrong with her at all - the only thing she CAN'T be is the thing that I so badly want which is someone else. Ugh
2006-10-26 08:31:23 · update #1
It is perfectly normal to feel this way especially when you get all kinds of porn spam in your email daily. Please don't cheat, your desire to have sex with someone else will burn out if you quit feeding the flame. I married the first guy I had sex with and had the same desire. I fed it and it ruined my marriage. It also ruined a friendship I had. I know what to tell women in your situation, maybe you should try something new like adding toys to the mix up. Stay away from the net. It's very tempting w/ all the porn that's out there.
Are you the only man your wife has been with? If so she may be feeling the same desires. Talk about it with each other. Honesty and communication is very important in a marriage especially as good as your sounds. Hope this helps and good luck to you.
2006-10-26 08:57:23 · answer #1 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very nice man and it seems like you really value your marriage and wife. I don't understand. If there's so much love, commitment and passion in your marriage how can you possibly think of having a relationship like that with someone else? I've been married for 8 years and we both still look at each other as if it were the first time we met. All I can say is plan things with your wife to get this off your mind, go on a vacation, plan a romantic dinner or just have a day for the both of you and my most favorite, plan a day where you both can call in sick from work and just lay in bed all day together. I really wish you the best and hope you make the right decsion, your wife seems very special, don't screw that up!!!!
2006-10-26 08:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever done a meditation? take an hour or two, for how ever long it goes on, and think all the reasons that SEX is GOOD with your WIFE. Concentrate on those thoughts each time you do a meditation. If you feel like you need a change, perhaps you could try new things with your wife, for example, role-playing, or experimenting with tastes and smells.
Don't be discouraged if you still are curoius about other women; that's entirely normal. But keep reminding yourself of the fun you have with the one you love and let that guide your thoughts back to where thay belong. YOU are the one in charge of your thoughts, not they in charge of you.
2006-10-26 08:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mistro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is that you have been "sexing it up on the net" as you put it. You have fed your imagination with that stuff and now it has given birth to desire. If you truly do love your wife cut yourself off from all of it. You have become addicted and that is the reason you are fantasizing about other women. Try fantasizing about your wife with other men and see how quickly that dampens your spirits. Keep in mind that will be the reality if you throw away a good thing. Disconnect the internet temporarily and go cold turkey the way an alcoholic does with alcohol.
2006-10-26 08:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am not sure that there will be alot of good advice I could give you exept do not give in to your urges! she will NEVER forgive you. You will have to figure out a way to channel those thoughts/urges into something else. It sounds like you have a great thing at home, there are not very many happy couples/good marriages any more, due highly to infidelities. I understand your dilema about talking to her, because I would have a hard time if my husband told me that. Just stay strong and don't do anything that you will later regret.
2006-10-26 08:40:44 · answer #5 · answered by givelife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's just that 7 year "itch" time. If you revive your marriage by taking a romantic trip somewhere...second honeymoon...and spice up your sex life, your urges should subside. Don't cheat. Really. Cheating will ruin your marriage. Even if SHE never finds out, YOU will know you broke your marriage vows and did something disrespectful to your wife by having a one night stand outside of your marriage. This will hurt her, it'll hurt you, and it may well end your marriage. Just don't act on the urge. We are humans, not animals. We have the capacity to make good choices and resist temptations.
2006-10-26 08:42:45 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That one is hard. You will CERTAINLY crush her if you cheat. And she will eventually find out because that is just how the world works. Things you want to keep to yourself, spread faster than things that you want everyone to know about.
So........continue to try to repress it. Curiosity killed the cat. And no amount of satisfaction in the world will bring it back. Look, if you have a good wife who meets your sexual needs, and who you have a good relationship with outside of the bedroom......don't give that up for a peice of azz. You know what I mean?
Good sex, Bad sex, DISEASED sex?????? It's all a crap shoot. Don't give up your good thing from being greedy. You were a good person to wait until marriage for sex. Keep being that person. Don't ruin everything by waiting until marriage to have sex with OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES THE WIFE YOU WAITED FOR!!!!!!!!
Don't even think about cheating. It will come back and bite you in the azz BADLY. Always does.
2006-10-26 08:43:53 · answer #7 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go talk to a thereapist. You feel that you are missing out on something and you are not. If you love your wife so much then you just have to talk yourself out of it everytime the idea comes to your mind. It's a mental thing for you now and you are obsessing over it. Look at the big picture and see how acting out on your idea will affect not only you but your marriage. Remember what's done in the dark, soon comes to light.
2006-10-26 09:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I have been married for 5 years.... you said you love her.. get some good porn.. on the net, mags or what ever. Go have some fun and no one will get hurt. It is a lot easier to do it that way instead of a real woman. You have to much to lose.
2006-10-26 08:45:09 · answer #9 · answered by bucks110 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you a child? This is like complaining that you have a lean, attractive, healthy body because of good diet and plenty of exercise, yet complaining that the thought of pigging out at Duncan Donuts tortures you.
You are a man. And part of being a man is not being ruled by silly neuroses and obsessive thoughts like these. You are the boss of yourself.
Start acting like it.
2006-10-26 08:36:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋