Is it over?

Question

Is a relationship over when the challenge is gone?
I've read many men and women say "I did everything for husband/wife/GF/BF and then they cheated/left/divorce ...etc"
Then on the flip side I here that the spouse felt that they could do anything and the other person would just take it because they KNEW that their spouse loved them and would take it.

So is it that challenge of changing the other person what keeps a relationship alive?
If they give in completely you stop respecting them and emotionally move on to the next challenge?
If they are to stumborn to change you give for a less difficult challenge?

I think the key is to grow and change, but don't submit to your significant other.

I would love to here some feed back on this one.

Answer 1

I like your concept, there is a fine line between security and excitement that couples have to maintain. Relationships wax & wane, that's life. Sometimes I think people expect it to be either drama or ecstasy. People need to grow up - I think the media and sitcoms/soaps have a lot to do with it. Roles are changing, women are more aggressive, pursuing careers, etc. Lots of changes in the past 30 yrs. People are all trying to find their places at various stages in their lives. Commitment is often lacking and people trade in spouses they way they do cars. It's quite fascinating, yet sad.

Answer 2

Good question. But there are too many issues swirling around infidelity to narrow it down to one simple answer.

Infidelity isn't the fault of the faithful partner. It is the fault of the unfaithful one. And only that one can answer it. I think that it has to do with desire. It is an issue of satisfying a need or want. It may not even be that your spouse or significant other even deprives you.....just people in general tend to be greedy. You have enough......maybe even more than enough.....but at any given time you may want MORE or a different type of MORE.

I think as long as the 'faithful' partner establishes EARLY in the relationship what the ground rules are for staying and playing with them...........in other words, the commitment of marriage......
then it gives the potentially unfaithful spouse GROUND RULES and standards to go by. So that if that line is crossed, there is NOT ROOM for excuses.

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Answer 3

You shouldn't go into a relationship with the idea of changing someone. The challenge of trying to change someone would wear you out. A relationship should not be a challenge, it should come naturally. If it doesn't then its a huge job, and who the heck needs another job. Isn't life hard enough!

If you marry/date someone and they turn out to be a cheater, you can't change them you either accept them for what they are or get out of the relationship there is no changing a cheater. You can't make someone change, they have to realize their own shortcomings and change themselves. Same goes for people that have history of abuse or a liar. They can't be changed without some major counseling.

Bottom line, you can't change anyone, they have to be willing to change themselves.

Answer 4

I don't think everything has to be a challenge. Most people get married because it's nice to be with someone with whom you share the same beliefs and values, and whom you enjoy spending your time with. I also think becoming married is about deciding to be with someone who respects, loves, honors, and supports you - and you do them. Once the feelings that you won them over subside, that is not a reason to give up the relationship and move on.

Answer 5

no matter how much you accommodate to someone its still two very different people coming together, the challenge is just the beginning, theres so much more to a relationship, companionship, adventure, even sadness, everything is an experience and its not a contest to see who can play hard to get better its a relationship, that requires work and giving not just taking

Answer 6

I think you can find ways to challenge each other without being counter productive as long as you are mentally stable. Don't concern yourself too much with the limitations of other couples that failed instead try to look at ideal ones that worked without bringing angst into the relationship.

Challenge her to go after her dreams, challenge your self to love her completely without fear of if she leaves you or not.

Answer 7

I disagree,... when you love you give yourself to the other person, otherwise, is not worth your time! Why not offer your heart to another, being selfish is not going to get yoru relationship anywhere.

Now, being in a submissive state where you lose your dignity, now that is another story. Giving up your interests and your way of being is a recipe for disaster. I agree when you say that people show adapt and grow together.

Good luck