in our livingroom while everyone was outside. My husband says he is sorry and sick and will go to counselling to help me trust him again. My "friend" has phoned me several times crying and apologizing. She told her husband who spoke with mine who said it was only a good night kiss and she told her husband my hub came on to her. I told her husband it was a definite romantic lingering kiss and it was mutual. I am sick to my stomach all the time and very weepy. What can I do?
2006-10-26 07:48:17 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. If you truly love him, I would allow him to build up the trust again. However, I'd beat that ho down next door. A man will be a man, but she was supposed to be your friend.
2006-10-26 07:50:49 · answer #1 · answered by Tonya L 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Find another place to live. With your husband. Now! Start packing. Tell him you love him too much to lose what you have. If, in fact, you do. I'm really nervous about the counseling thing because it sounds like he's presenting it as Your problem. Ha! Start enriching your own life. Adding things just for you that you like (a night class, a new hobby). Remember that Any Passion At All Can Be Expressed in Sex. Be expressive! Keep your birthcontrol up to date. Collect affirmation from somewhere so your confidence rises (get some Yahoo "Best Answers," take a modeling class -- two days of The Alexander Technique did wonders for me -- just by the way I hold myself and move differently, people say I look wonderful! Ha!). Know what? Men Can't be trusted. Keep your resume out. If they knew how quickly they can be replaced they'd be more careful!
2006-10-26 08:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by shirleykins 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. That sounds like hell. First you can go away for a weekend by yourself. Or go stay over at a friend or relative's house for the weekend (if you need the support). And while there, analyze your WHOLE relationship with this man. Take it ALL into account. Have there been 'signs and symptoms' of this kind of behavior? Is this just the icing on the cake?
There is alot to consider. Was alcohol involved? Drinking is DEFINETELY not an excuse, but it does lower inhibitions, which leads to bad behavior without self control.
It is all a matter of trust. Will you be able to forgive him? Will you ever be able to TRUST him? Will it cause you to treat him differently? Is it even WORTH it? These are only some of a million questions you need to consider and find the answers to. You can't especially do that LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, or being at 'the scene of the crime'. You know what I mean?
Get away........clear your head. And come back renewed, and with a plan.
2006-10-26 08:20:35 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it's reality time for you and it really makes me sick to hear of your situation, I'm sorry your having to go through this. The truth is, this is probably not their first encounter. At least you have to treat it this way because you're not stupid. You know as well as anyone that nobody is going to have the words to make you feel any less pain than you're feeling now...I wish there was. You will have to make some decisions soon; your neighbors are going to start getting word, you will be treated differently and possibly be made to feel like this was your fault somewhere down the road. You've been handed a crushing blow, one hard to sustain no matter how strong you are. Therefore crying and feeling sick is perfectly normal for what you're going through. For the next few days or weeks, don't say a word to him. Even your screaming and/or rage will be seen as if "well, she's at least still talking to me". If in that time, you're still not sure what you're going to do, ask him to leave while you sort this out. People like me are available to email, you may find some private counseling. But be very careful who you talk to about this situation, because your extended family will NEVER forgive him, even if you decide to forgive him. Neighbors and acquaintances will only use this situation to have something to talk about with others- even if you're close to them like you were with your neighbor that kissed your husband. Let me know your thoughts if you feel like it. All the best to you during this time.
2006-10-26 14:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they are sorry they got caught. If a person was really sorry, then why would they make up a story like "It was a goodnight kiss" unless tehy were trying to hide more than just that kiss. It is pretty obvious they did not have your best intrest in mind when this occured. I would think back on other times the 2 of them just happend to dissappear. Ask your self how long has this been going on? Then ask him & her. I don't really think they would be honest about it, but it's worth a try.
If you think this is a relationship worth working on then go to counseling. But if you think that you may never really trust him again, then the rest just doesn't matter. Trust is everthing in a realtionship. If that doesn't exist then truoble will be right around the corner. I wish you luck in this.
For me my man of 10 years slept with my best friend with in the first year we were together. I only found out because in the mist of an argument he wanted to hurt me so he told me. But I don't fully trust him and we have all kinds of issues with trust because of it. I am still friends with her but not like we used to be. And I make sure she is never alone with him.
2006-10-26 08:31:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! you have to ask your self, Has this happened before? Has it been more the just a kiss? and after you ask those ?'s are you willing to try to work on what's going on? You both should go to counseling. Even if you do put him out you still should go to counseling, Just to deal with the hurt. Everyone makes mistakes. But, also remember That kind of Mistake should NEVER happen again. It's gonna take a very lone time to get over this!!! i wish you the best of luck!
2006-10-26 08:12:09 · answer #6 · answered by Just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, if it was a romantic type kiss, maybe theres been something going on longer than what you think. Your hub wanting to go to counseling is admitting that there's a definite problem.... And as far as the best friend, no one is any more responsible of "coming on to someone" if they were sharing the kiss, both are equally responsible.... I would cut ties with her, because friends should have respect and loyalty for each other, and she has crossed the line.
2006-10-26 07:55:24 · answer #7 · answered by ~*LILY*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think that it was not "good kiss" than you have to work with your husband to determine what caused his behavior.
The physical act of infidelity is not necessarily the most damaging element. The idea of trust, openness, sharing and the belief that you belong to something was damaged. At this point, your husband needs to own up to things and you needs to be able to express what they are going through openly Then the issue that led to the affair can be addressed and both parties need to take responsibility for the problems and how they will be fixed. Yes, a marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored with patience, sincerity and effort. It is very good sign that your husband wants to to to counseling. It will help you both to find solution. Good luck.
2006-10-26 08:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book titled, It is called a breakup b/c it is broken & you are going to realize that the relationship is over and so is that friendship. If your husband & your friend cared about you & loved you then they, no matter what, even if there was some chemistry between the two, would have done nothing together. Your husband has just told you that you are not the one & I am sure that is so hard to hear but that is why I am recommending that you read the book I just mentioned. Good Luck to you!
2006-10-26 07:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it's your husband and your best friend who is also married. It sounds to me like it was more than a good night kiss! My husband would never give any of my friends a good night kiss unless he was willing to lose me. He knows id kick his *** and leave him. Counseling is a good idea but this girl lives next door to you right? It sounds like more than a problem it sounds like hell. Even if the two of you do go to counseling what are you going to do about your friend? Your never going to feel comfortable. You may never trust either one of them again. Listen to your gut feeling if it's telling you to leave him a least for a while you should. He needs to get his priorities strait. You poor thing i'll be thinking of you and i hope you do whats best for you!
2006-10-26 08:01:44 · answer #10 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is my shoulder to cry on!
You can either wait for time to heal your wound or run for the hills. Your husband seems willing to try so now its entirely up to you. I wouldn't be to quick to be friends with the neighbor again I think it would be fueling the fire having her back in your home. You will probably not get an answer as to who started what and when so you have to trust your instincts and be strong to go with what your feeling.
I am sorry you are going through this.
2006-10-26 07:51:39 · answer #11 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋