Can he trust me again?

Question

I have responded to my exboyfriend msg, i didnt tell my husband about it, even when he asked i denied and told him i love him and i never would do it to him.He found out and he is very upset. I know he has right to feel cheated and hurt, becuse it was not the first time i did it.
I am very sorry about it. The possibility of losing him over it made me realize how much i love him and how stupid i was to jeorpadize our relationship. I know its hard for him to trust me again. But i dont want to lose him. He means world to me. How can i make it better?

Answer 1

I wouldn't I can tell you that. Once a cheat always a cheat/

Answer 2

Look...we all make mistakes and do things that we regret but it doesnt mean we are bad people and from the sounds of things you havent deliberately tried to hurt your husband.

OK...you should definately not have lied to him but you did. Now you need to ask yourself :

1. Why did you lie?
Was it because you have something to hide or was it because you have a very jealous husband?
If you have something to hide then this is a big problem and trust will never be re-gained but if your husband is the really jealous type and you were worried he would over-react you need to sit down and explain this to him and maybe see a councellor together to work through the jealousy thing.

2. What are your feelings towards your ex?
If you think you have feelings then you've really got to sort that out and assess your situation. But could it be that you were being shown some attention and maybe your husband has become a bit complacent and isnt showing you enough attention anymore? Again, if this is the case it doesnt make what you did right but you need to be honest with him and tell him.

Can trust be regained or not? It's really hard to say without knowing what was said over text. If it was purely a friendly chat then I dont see why not but it will take time. However, if it was much more intimate then its very unlikely he will trust you again.

You have to remember that your ex could be jealous and deliberately trying to stir things up so you should decide if its worth having this person in your life anymore.

I hope it all works out for the best. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Zu the question you should really be asking is not can he trust me again but "Why did I respond to my ex boyfriend" You knew it was wrong, you knew your husband would be hurt and devestated but you did it. I am not meaning to be harsh but if you truly loved and wanted to be with your husband your ex is totally irrelevent.
Let me try and help you ask yourself these questions.
1: Why did I respond to ex.?
2: What is it about my ex that draws me to him?
3: What does my ex say or do that my husband does not say or do?
4:Why do I want to hurt my husband?

I think you need to answer those questions so you can see why your ex is still around. Do you feel a thrill by having him still want you?
In answer toyou first question you can get back husbands trust but trust has to be earned. Tell him and show him how much he really means to you.How much you love and appreciate him and get rid of your ex number out of your phone or better still change your number and tell husband that is what you are doing so he can see you are making an effort.

Answer 4

This is stupid - you have every right to speak to anyone you want. But if you have a boyfriend then all other relationships should just be friends/ platonic. If he cant accept this then it means he doesnt trust you so HE is in the wrong.

However I would firstly show him the messages you sent - then he will know its only platonic. OR if you have been flirting with your ex then he should dump you.

Regarding lieing well its not the end of the world, just say sorry for lieing and explain that you dont think there's anytihing wrong with speaking to anyone you want, and that he should trust that you love him.

If he cant accept these things then he has some grwoing up to do.

Answer 5

You lied to him.

In a court of law, when a witness is shown to give false testimony, the jury is permitted to disregard any or all of that person's testimony.

Same with your husband - you lied twice to him (the affair, and the denial.) It is his choice whether he believes you in the future.

There is not much you can do, except be consistent in your actions and words, and tell no more lies.

But then, when will he know that you are not telling more lies?

It's circular logic, but now you know what you did to your own credibility.

I think you need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart talk. Put everything on the table, and hope for the best. There are no guarantees.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You know sometimes we realize this after the fact that we have screwed up, what won't work for you right now is to constantly talk to him and say how sorry you are, give him room, space, leave him be, if he wants to leave let him leave, after time has passed maybe it will be ok, the only thing i would do is write a letter to him and walk away after giving it to him because right now if you stand there he is more likely going to be crappy and not read it or show you that he doesn't care by throwing it aside. Just be patient and understanding that he is pissed. It will work itself out!
Good luck

Answer 7

There's no quick fix to this one love! You've just got to go with the flow. Put up with his comments about where you've been, when you've been out somewhere and try and stay super-calm. It may take months, even years, but if you want him, and if you want him to trust you again, that's just the price you've got to pay.
Blokes can be the stupidest idiots on the face of the planet and most people will probably tell you to forget him. But if he's the one you love, then he's the one you love! You've just got to make him realise that fact, and it may take time.
Good luck.

Answer 8

you should NOT have responded to the EX's messages, EVER, no wonder your husband is upset with you...you are very lucky he didn't show you the door this time, you have alot of work to do to make this man trust you again, don't forget you hurt him, so you have to prove to him that this will never happen again, get your ex to stop sending you messages, if you have any respect for your hubby then the ex should be history.....forever....to be honest your husband should find him a nice woman who he can trust, your marriage is never going to be the same again

Answer 9

well you shoulda never lied to him in the first place cuz you know hes gonna find out and its just gonna make it worse so ya well if you wanna make it all better just do something really special for him and message your ex back and let your husband watch as you tell your ex how much you luv your husband and hate your ex and you never wanna talk to him again and he shoulda never been messaging you in the first place and if you dont like this idea then just explain to your husband that you guys are just friends and hes the one you luv and you dont have any feelings for your ex unless thats a lie and if it is then explain to you husband how you feel good luck

Answer 10

Why did you lie is the more important question? And its hard for me to buy that the possibility of losing him made me realize how important he is to me. Be honest and bang ur husbands brains out and tell him you'll never lie again then dont do it again.

Answer 11

Trust issues in a relationship can be sketchy, once there's been a betrayal, it takes a while to get over it, if at all.. Many people have the philosophy, that if you are gonna lie about something like that, then you're gonna lie about anything.....