I stay fit and thin and always dress nice and look good, but my husband is always saying things like, "You better not get big," and "I'm glad you don't leave the house in sweats" and things like that. If I don't feel like going to the gym, he says if I should go anyway or I'll get fat. He was not like this before we got married, and I don't know how to handle it. He is afraid I'm going to let myself go since his brother's wife gained a ton of weight after getting married and so did his best friend's wife. It is making me self-conscious like I'm not "hot" enough for him anymore. He's starting to make me feel like a trophy wife and I don't get where this behavior is coming from. He used to tell me I looked beautiful no matter what, now he's paranoid or something. I don't know how to handle it. In addition, I'm a recovering anorexic and I can see myself slipping back into my old habits because he's always so focused on me staying thin.
2006-10-26 07:31:20 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leaving him or finding someone else is not an option, i love my husband and we have a great marriage except for this.
2006-10-26 07:33:14 · update #1
First off girl, major congrats on getting over anorexia! Second your hubbie better watch his behind or I will come down there and kick it for you. But on the serious note this is what I recommend doing.
Next time he makes some underhand comment about you not going to the gym because you'll get fat, look him in the eyes and ask him if he thinks you are taking care of your health???? If he tries to make some comment about 'well I just want to be sure ...' cut him off and say 'I go to the gym regularly I eat right ....(state your case)' And again ask 'Do you think I take care of my Health'
Unless he's the densest fool around he should say yes at this point.
Then you tell him that your health is deeper then just being some show piece for him. You got to look after your mind too. You suffered a serious condition about your appearance that stemmed from your mental state. His comments welling from whatever inner insecurities got to stop and you need his support as a hubby. Ask him respect all you do for yourself and shift his attitude to a more supportive love.
2006-10-26 08:17:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say, ignore it. Perhaps you're more sensitive to it (given your brush with anorexia) than an average woman would be. My husband sometimes says stuff like this to me, but I mostly treat it as a joke. Sometimes I tell him to just shut up, and go on about my day. True, I have gained a few lbs since we've been together, but he's faar from being fit himself. We keep making plans to go to the gym together, but neither of us likes exercise, so it's been hard to get motivated. I told him pretty much that if we are to stay fit, we'll have to do it together to help each other out. I'm not gonna work my a** off to stay thin, when he eats snacks all day and night, and keeps gaining weight. I.e., put the workload back in his court. I'm happy with my weight as it is now, and, frankly, I don't need constant reassurance on his part; I take the fact that he married me as a confirmation that he accepts me as I am. I think, basically, that being secure with yourself will go a long ways in not making you take such remarks personally.
2006-10-26 07:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And so as the world turns we find our selves in a NEW POSITION .....and a new life and a new heart and new way and a new style and new art of love...its time to make a whole entire new change in your life.
Down with the old curtains.
Sale the old furniture.
Put some new pain on the walls.
Invest a little home cleaning products.
Get some sheers and fresh curtains that brighten up your living room.
Throw away old stale looks and bring the new.
Completely Fall clean your place and throw all the trash away in your closets and bathrooms, and sink droors and cabintes. throw all that junk away.
It's time to start a new life and the new will set you free.
Its basically like mopving out and back in again with a fresh new look with new painted walls.
My wife and I did this one time and you wouldn't believe the trash we removed. We painted the walls and ordered pizza and had the best time renovating our place. When it was over, we were totally in shock and we were ready to begin the second adventure in our life.
2006-10-26 07:53:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Saying such a thing to a recovering anorexic is like giving a drink to a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. How terrible! It sounds like counseling is really the only option. If he refuses, a licensed therapist can still help you alone more than any of the rest of us can. Expensive, yes, but ask yourself if your marriage is worth the cost. Good luck.
2006-10-26 09:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he had a "Man's" talk with his brother and some friends and they probably got him all worked up about how women don't care about their appearance once they get married. So he allowed them to instill this fear into him. Sounds like he's going through a phase. I would move out and take a break from him if this persists. Who wants to have to deal with that all the time? Communicate with him, he is your husband isn't he?
2006-10-26 07:50:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain this to him>>>
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
Jesus loves us so much that sacrificed His life for us... a husband is supposed to love a wife enough to make sacrifices for them... one sacrifice he could make is to quit saying things like that.
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against (don't be unpleasant to) them.
Tell him that all he's managing to do by constantly saying those things, is to remind you of the anorexic habit... & it could cause you to be so focused on it that you slip back into doing it again... tell him to stop doing it.
2006-10-26 07:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he married you it was for better or worse . now tell him that . nature will take care of your shape reguardless what he wants yoiu to look like . sounds like hes becoming a control freak . what does he look like . i can almost give you a 100% fact . that he wi8ll change . thats just life . whats going to happen if you get p.g. your body will change . and you have no control over it . without starving your self some way or another . tell him life is a journey and only god can control the path in it .
2006-10-26 07:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by single-rose@sbcglobal.net 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shourd talk to him and let him know that his little comments are hurtful. Also let him know about being woried about your anorexia and that he is damaging your body image. He shouldn't worry about other peoples wives and how they look. This may sound cliche, but he should love you for who you are whether or not you gain a few pounds. And when you go to the gym, tell yourself your doing it for YOU and not for him. That may take the pressure off of feeling like you need to impress someone.
2006-10-26 07:35:35 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...
I married someone that started that after marriage as well. We split...couldn't deal with the scrutiny anymore (and yes, was still thin, still the same girl). My experience is that once this starts it will never get better. Sorry, wish I could tell you a happier ending.
2006-10-26 07:35:27 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"we have a great marriage except for this".
That means that he's got you mentally under his control and has sapped all of your self-esteem to the point where you will accept his criticism of you without the slightest protest.
If that fits your idea of a happy marriage, then why are you posting a question at all?
The fact that you put this online means that you are NOT handling his shallowness and your marriage is NOT otherwise perfect.
Contact a marriage counselor or see one alone - I doubt that your loser husband will accept that there are any issues that he would need counseling for - he already knows it's just all in your head.
2006-10-26 07:39:30 · answer #10 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋