If he keeps metioning his ex's name does he still love her?

Question

I love my fiancee and he loves me but i keep getting this feeling he still loves his ex.. Sometimes i feel he is comparing us when we talk about something he seems to bring up her name in the conversation and that makes me upset and i've told him about this and he stil doesn't get it i asked him n he said no he doesn't love her he doesn't even want to see her, but i found osme of their old pics on his computer when i went to look for a pic of our baby to email.. maybe i am paranoid, or wedding day jitters, let me know your input..

Answer 1

You can't expect him to get amnesia when he meets you. OF COURSE he still remembers his ex, and if he felt deeply for her then she is likely to come up a lot... at least in his mind if not in his words. Any amount of good times you two have is not going to erase what has happened with other people.

Having said all that, HE IS NOT WITH HER. He is with you. You have to accept that this is no accident.

It all comes down to one thing, really - trust. If you trust him, it doesn't matter how many women he talks about, because you know that ultimately he wants YOU. If you don't trust him, then even one is probably too much. And maybe you should re-think marriage if that is the case!

Answer 2

Seems like maybe there are some unresolved thoughts or feelings there. And then again, if you two are about to be married, maybe it is jitters on his part too. He is about to embark on a REALLY BIG thing here, so he may be thinking of the old days, the simpler days......you mentioned you two have a baby. Now you are getting married.

So he has alot of responsibility now, and even more to come. This isn't practice anymore, he will be in the BIG LEAGUES. So...
he may just be thinking of old simpler days. BUT he is engaged to be married with you. Making big steps, PERMANENT steps that will keep you in his life FOREVER (parenthood even more so than marriage). So......don't fret.

As a bride to be, you are probably planning all the cute details, and dreaming big about your big day. It is a fairy tale day for most women. The fact that he is still there, and is still going forward tells you where his heart is, and where he DESIRES to be.

If it bugs you, (cause it would bug me, I can't lie) just tell him you are put off by it, and find it kind of disrespectful and would appreciate it if he stopped doing that. He should stop if you put it that way. Otherwise, he is doing it to be spiteful, or maybe he is trying to send a message..............and if that is the case, you can address it then, and find out exactly what he is trying to say.

Answer 3

It's hard to say, I would have to say be on ur toes. I have another talk with him and let him know just how you feel. We all know we still hold a place in our hearts for someone we have been with but bring her up that much is just nuts. I would ask him just what he wants. Dose he still talk to her for him not to let her go? You sure don't want to spend the rest of ur life with him if he isn't over her 100%. You really just need to look out for you girl. I know you want everything to be ok but finding pixs would really have my heart think 2's. You need to ask QUESTION and don't be scared.
GL I hope you get it all works out.

Answer 4

honey think twice before you say "i do" i was married to a guy once that when ever his ex said frog he jumped and didn't ask how high. if he is over her why hang on the the pic so they can be seen. i may have have wedding pics but i don't keep them close by

Answer 5

Sweetie, I read it and agree with Arnold M...it will take time for him to completely move on...and I sincerely think perhaps he can't "hear" you say how you feel....about this name thing, but MAY be able to hear it come from a third party.
My new love swore like a sailor and I hated it.
I told him and told him, until I decided if he kept it up, I was going to call it quits. When he asked me to marry him, I said only if we went to couple's counseling. So we went. The first thing I brought up was his dreadful, irritating, angry cursing mouth. And how it made me feel.
The Therapist turned to him and said, "You are bilingual!"
"YOU can speak two languages! Street Talk and Church Talk!"
She is asking for Church talk, and I think she deserves it, because you told me you adored her and you want this relationship to work! Wanna give it a try?"
From that VERY DAY forward HE has chosen to clean up his language and has improved by 98% .... OVERNIGHT!!!!!
He did not HEAR me,
but he heard the Therapist!
I want this stuff ironed out before I marry again, it is too painful to live with the thought or regret...
"Gee, if only this was different and maybe I'd be happy in THIS relationship..." after I say I DO...wishing after a short time that I'd said, "NOT now, Bucko, come back after you have ....." and you fill in th blank! From Picking one's nose in public, to spitting on the sidewalk, to smoking, to cussing, to interrupting, to NEVER HELPING TO WASH THE DISHES...TO whatever it is that buggs the beans out of you!!!!!
NOW is your chance,
NOW you have the power ...after you say I do, you have ACCEPTED all the cards in your hand,
or all HIS ways AS THEY ARE...and he may have
no incentive to change after the wedding.
NObody likes change except a baby in a dirty diaper!
Fix the car BEFORE you begin Driving across Country...or you may break down in Kansas,
and Dorothy does not live there anymore!
Good Luck, Honey, Take your time, another year of waiting is not going to do any harm--would rather you hang on and get the model you WANT forever and ever.
Hugs from Everyone's Favorite Aunt Susie

Answer 6

I do not think you have any thing to worry about, in time he will stop mentioning her name, and do not worry about her picture still on his computer. You try and stop thinking about her, and working on being a good wife, and Mom. Always keep the lines of communication open, remember that is the key, to a good marriage! So if you have concerns, just talk to your fiancee!

Answer 7

He may still have feelings for her or she may just be the only reference point he has as far as a long term relationship goes. If he chose to marry you is not doing it because you pressured him or he can't get his ex back then I would say he loves you more.

Answer 8

Well the fact is you are going to have to decide if you can put up with this because he may not change and may still have feelings. If he spent a long time with her it's a big part of his life and so was she. Good luck honey, hope all works out.

Answer 9

How long have you been together?

If he keeps bringing her up in conversation like "Oh (whatever her name is) LOVED that resturant." Or "(her name) and I had so much fun there" then it is a good indication that he still loves her - but that doesn't nessicarily mean he wants her back.

Answer 10

A tough one. Before I was remarried my fiance would ask about my life with my ex- and if I didn't talk about it, she seemed to feel like I was withholding information, but if I did talk about it, then sometimes she would feel compared.

It can be weird sometimes. I was married to my ex- for 12 years before divorcing her for cause, and my current wife was married to her ex- for 14 years before she divorced him for cause. So at times when I think wife my ex's name comes out because for all of those years they were synonymous and it takes time for the brain to retrain. Same thing happens from her to me. She tends to get upset about it -- I tend to ignore it because it's just a stupid bit of "leftover schmutz in the language brain" that will retrain to our current spouses as time goes on.

But neither of us have a whit of affection for our ex-spouses. But that is us, not you, so you will have to explore and feel this out from where you sit, not from my remote spot behind this keyboard.

Gut hunch is that if he avoids talking TO her directly , doesn't reminisce, and doesn't directly compare, you will probably be okay. Otherwise, it is okay to wait and see, because it is alot easier to split up before you get married than after.

Good luck in your relationship and future life.