A scarred cherub
My scared angel
I kissed you on the head
And slept with a sweet prince
That you don’t think exists.
Avoid shiny surfaces
You see only her lies
Corpulence was never cute.
You say you won’t let her hurt me
She won’t speak ill while you’re around
But you let her bring you down
Make you ball your fists
And smash the ground
And it’s hurting me
- it’s hurting us.
Oh, sweet prince
You’ve said yourself
You’re no frog
I know a kiss won’t transform you.
Your armor is a formality
But the steel makes it cold in bed.
I’ll nurse your wounds
Kiss your head
Hold you in sleep
And pray.
Pray your pain will end
Sleep sweet prince
You’ll awake with me.
2006-10-26 06:45:24 · 8 answers · asked by attila 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It seems a bit mixed up in some parts and it breaks the flow.
"Avoid shiny surfaces
You see only her lies
Corpulence was never cute.
You say you won’t let her hurt me
She won’t speak ill while you’re around"
Who is the she? If she's hurting the prince how is she hurting you? It goes from hurting him to hurting you...it doesn't make much sense in my opinion. Otherwise it's not a bad poem.
2006-10-27 03:57:58 · answer #1 · answered by H.L.A. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be (not exactly clear) to be for a child that is disfigured or has a handicap.
I wrote something like this when we were told my son was born deaf (Which it turns out, he was just never really interested in anything most people had to say, and still isn't.)
Anyway... I think (If that is what it is about?) Is a beautiful declarative piece of writing. You should be a little less aimless with it though. It needs a point and a clearer view of the subject.
2006-10-26 14:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It’s a question of mixed metaphors: are you going with the scarred angel or the prince turned frog? Choose one metaphor and make it work for you. You convey a lot of pain for both the narrator and the angel that another person causes. Let me know how that person hurts the narrator by hurting the angel.
You can tighten this up and make a nice piece out of it. Good luck.
2006-10-26 16:27:02 · answer #3 · answered by Maddog Salamander 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend not to like most poetry (almost any poetry), but this one sounds pretty. I'm a bit confused what it's about (i'm going with the disfigurement idea). But I like the unpatterned rhymes, and the unsteady beat, because despite this, or maybe because of it, there is still something deeply poetic in its sound.
2006-10-26 15:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by jake k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cool, but I don't really understand the moral of the poem, here but still cool.
2006-10-26 13:53:56 · answer #5 · answered by BlinkOnce 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a bit confused by it
2006-10-26 13:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by antiekmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very deep, but very poetic. All in all, I really like it.
2006-10-26 13:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by ♥♥♥ Mommy to Two ♥♥♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
needs more rhythym but word choice is good
2006-10-26 22:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by afon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋