He still looks her up on the computer, never said anything nice about her while we were dating and all of a sudden she was the best thing that ever happened to him. I feel like i am in a marriage where i will never be good enough and we have only been married for 7 months. I just discovered letters and writtings describing his feeling and he wrote about how I was "ok" and she was just amazing. I have done so much more for him and supported him more than she ever did and yet, there is something about me that makes me not add up in his eyes. It is the most painfull thing I have ever felt.
2006-10-26 06:42:54 · 18 answers · asked by rb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him. He is making you feel worthless, hurt and innadequate, do you really want to feel like this forever? Your last attempt could be to go to a counsellor together but if I were you I'd kick his as@ out.
2006-10-26 06:48:05 · answer #1 · answered by dan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off don't compare yourself to someone is some guys past because for one the past is distorted in a man or women's mind especially when they are doubting a big decision like marriage What he has done already is more then wrong just in having the in pure thoughts about this other women is basically cheating and I'm sorry that you are have such a rough time right now. I don't care for devours but even the bible says that you can leave a man for being unfaithful in fact that is the only reason the bible says you can leave that's how bad it is. You may not agree with what I am saying and I don't blame you for not but really if this persist I would tell you to leave the guy because things like that don't really get better and if he is already doing this then he will go farther and you could wind up being that women you see on life time or some shi* I would not wish that on you. You need to talk to friends and close family not of him but people that will support you.
Good luck with whatever you do
2006-10-26 13:56:32 · answer #2 · answered by Since birth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should be saying that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him. He is either using his past to hurt you or your marriage never should have happened. It sounds like he's using you to fill a space since you found recent letters.
If this is the case, get a divorce, take a breather and start over. It's better to know now then 5 or 10 years from now. Believe me, there are better fish. I've been there and much better off now.
2006-10-26 13:59:57 · answer #3 · answered by MG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI rb, Congratulation on getting married and second for caring enough out it to ask questions. The first thing I can tell you is the only way it can hurt your marriage is if you let it. There is nothing wrong with talking to your husband about it. You both are still very new to trust thing but it comes with time and work.
I have been married for 23 years and still from time to time think about old girlfriends and if I would have been better off with out them. But one thing always brings me back to reality is I have my best friend right here beside me. Everyone wonders if they had did something different how would like be. But we have to realize that there is noway back. Things change.
RB, communication is the foundation of any relationship. It took me several years to learn that. My marraige has had a few rough spots but with love and understanding things do work out.
Always remember why you love your hubby and let him know everyday.
2006-10-26 13:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by Dallas O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confront him, Ask him directly if he hates her so much and she was not a good wife/girlfriend, why would he even consider looking her up in any way shape or form!? If he waffles in any way or becomes angry and backlashes you for asking then he's hiding something more than just letters and such. Tell him you arn't comfortable with him looking her up or talking to her, that YOU are his wife now and that You should be his focus not her! Be VERY clear on this with him, he knows better! You may want to seek some counseling for the both of you before this gets out of control completly and he does somthing really stupid.He may just be doing some projecting and may not relly know what he has in you. If he won't go to counseling go on your own and get a book called "the seven principles of marriage" you should both read it.
Much luck to you
2006-10-26 14:00:21 · answer #5 · answered by spinner4567 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I'm sorry to hear it..it must be sad to have a feeling that you are not the most important person in your spouse life..your marriage has only been 7 months, and he should see more good things in you that no one even his 1st love has it. The fact is, you both now live in present, and you have more to offer in future for him. Please don't give up.Be yourself but keep in hope. Be positive and take care of yourself too. If you act desperate will justify his act, and let him think he deserve better.
When he knows you're with him in any situation, you win one more point in his heart. .
2006-10-26 13:58:52 · answer #6 · answered by nadia z 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would seek marriage counseling this marriage is in trouble . if you cant get anywhere with him by talking to him then get into marriage counseling. Also have you told him how this makes you feel ? If not then it is high time you did and if he does not go to marriage counseling then you need to decide what you are going to do. If you want out then this is the time to do it cause any more time on a waisted effort is just that a waisted effort. Good luck and god bless.
2006-10-26 13:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Talk to him first and try to find out why he feels this way, it's possible that he thinks the marriage is not rewarding enough for him. If he can't change or is unwilling to go to counselling, I'm afraid you're headed for divorce.
2006-10-26 13:46:59 · answer #8 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey!I am sorry for you.I personally would not stay in the marriage.I wonder why he got married in the first place when he was still in love with some other woman.Some men are very hard to figure out.I say that you should sit him down and politley tell him you are leaving him because he is in love with some other woman!
2006-10-26 14:08:18 · answer #9 · answered by Gin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know that hurt,after17 years 2 gather.his first loves still haunt me.he will talk bad about them,but let one walk in an he gets that 16 year old,**** eatin grin.the flirting starts,the stories bout the old days,ha ha they carry on.ive even ask them why they didnt stay 2gather.course they start studdern,but later on oh i love you,it aint like that we went on.were jus freinds.
2006-10-26 14:17:11 · answer #10 · answered by pooh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋