my marriage is in the gutter, not for lack of trying, I HAVE tried. For over 4 years now, and for awhile I just decided that was that and let it be but over the last year and a half (since the birth of my son) I have started to realize that my husband lack of effort is unacceptable. There is no excuse good enough to not be with your family. I have told him time and time again that he needs to be home more and you know what he did last night.. got his permit and license started to be our county's wildlife trapper (meaning he will be called out all times of the day & night to trap wild animals within city limits) This after I told him we needed him more. But then I get people in my life/on here saying that I cant quit, you didnt get married to quit etc.. but how long do I have to suffer, am I supposed to be this meek little wife sitting in the back waiting for him to notice me & his son? F that. I deserve better, his son deserves better. I set up counseling, we went, nothing changed
2006-10-26 06:35:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's the quitter... enough is enough.
It's time for him to either be there for you & his child... or time for you to move in a different/better direction with your life.
2006-10-26 06:42:17 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you asking if you are a quitter?
Marriages take work. PERIOD. If you want to improve your marriage you both need to work on it even when you don't want to.
People give up too easily.
Make an appointment with marital counselor, Start talking to each other at least a 1/2 hour a day, go on a date once per week without the kids.
it takes more then one session to make improvements. It takes daily work.
I've been down the road of putting a marriage in the toilet then digging it out of the sewer.
Believe me when I say If I can do it, anyone can do it. I am likely a lot like your hubby. I got to a point where I didn't give a rip. But I did care about my kids.
You both need to make time.
2006-10-26 13:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short to spend it unhappy. If this was a short term thing, I'd encourage you to wait it out. If nothing is changing and you aren't happy and this isn't your idea of a decent relationship, you don't have to stay. It's not good for you, your husband, or your kid, who is learning lessons from you both, to continue the way you are. Don't wait on your husband to "make the effort." I don't think that his getting the license is reason enough to leave, but his lack of effort. You may try one last thing-- insist on not just counseling (you might have to go through a few counselors to find one who works well for you both), but 100% effort toward making the relationship a decent one. Give him the ultimatum. You will know where things stand by his response and effort.
2006-10-26 13:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its all about you isn't it. Presumably the trapper position is PAID.
Grow Up.
With this and your previous question you make it clear that you are emotionally unprepared to be married.
Get the divorce you deserve. However, do not expect him to move out or give up his son. If you want out, have the backbone to do it. Do it correctly or you will have lingering guilt. You really need to start over with no vestige of your current life so you can start afresh. Put your effort into the "new" you.
After all it is all about you.
2006-10-26 13:45:21 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are that mserable then you should leave.Neither one of you can be happy with this situation.You are not a quitter ,you have done all you can do and sometimes things just dont work out.Maybe if you left he would see the light and come around .You need positive role models in your sons life.if he grows up seeing daddy never home and mommy just sittng there waiting then he is going to assume the same kinds of relationships when he get s older.Do what is in your haert and mind.Plus you have yto be happy for yourself and that will make things a lot better for your son.Good Luck
2006-10-26 13:41:53 · answer #5 · answered by Red 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just take things easy for right now all you can do is talk and tell him whats bothering you, now you have to let him do it and your not giving him the chance to do it. Just dont be so concerned with what he is doing or what he isnt doing. Try to not say anything about it and see what the outcome is of it. You are depending on him too much try to do some other activities with your son he will get older and as much as you think you need your spouse to be there you dont. As long as he isnt telling you that you cant have a liffe without him then you are always going to have this problem with anyone. Dont rely on other people to be there all the time you will just set yourself up for dissapointment.
2006-10-26 13:38:39 · answer #6 · answered by hmm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure you can quit. Count your losses, learn your lessons, and start a new life. He's not going to change, and if you're not willing to put up with more of the same, you have to find a way out. Hopefully, next time your experience will help you make a better choice.
2006-10-26 13:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered you own question, haven't you ?You said F that, your mind has already been made up. When you make a strong statement like that you are already there.You already know what you want to do, and since you have already made up you mind I support you in doing whatever will bring you peace of mind, whatever will bring a smile to your face, whatever will make you get up out of bed every morning with great enthusiasm, what ever will bring joy to your life. You are a survivor , be a joyfull survivor, do what you need to do to feel good about your life. I support 100 % in the choice you make.
2006-10-26 14:13:13 · answer #8 · answered by bonnie f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you make up your mind that you are not going to take it anymore and you believe that you will be happier away from this man, please do not feel like a quitter. If you have given your all and done your best, then this is all you have to prove to yourself. You are a grown woman, make up your mind. As the old saying goes s**t or get off the pot.
2006-10-26 13:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're a quitter if you leave.
Tell me something - did you miss that part about "for better or WORSE?"
From what I've seen on here, it seems to me a new set of vows needs to be written:
"I promise to love, honor, and cherish you so long as you live up to my expectations, do what makes me happy, and nothing better comes along."
2006-10-26 13:42:32 · answer #10 · answered by jbtascam 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋