Weight/Husband/Life?

Question

My husband & I dont get along, havent for at least a year. We arent hurtful or physical, we just dont have a good relationship any more. I am done, I am thru trying, I'm exhausted. However I have decided that for ME, I am finally going to lose weight.. I am REALLY gonna do it. I need to lose like 100 lbs. I am actually a beautiful person inside & out but I am hiding it under all this weight. people have even told me I could be a model. And I think that since my husband and I are pretty much roomates now that when I actually start doing this and he starts seeing the changes in me he will start acting like a husband and want to be with me again, how do I make sure that isnt an option for him without sounding like a bit ch. I cant just say to him "when I lose weight dont come crawling back to me" he is still my husband but we just arent "together" anymore. but i am doing this for me, NOT HIM! and I dont want him to reap any benefits from it. Finally I am thinking of myself after 8 yrs

Answer 1

Listen...you admit you need to drop some ballast there. One hundred pounds? That's alot of fat. So....I now laugh because you get on this soapbox and declare to the world that once you shed this weight you're going to rub his nose in it and tell him "don't come crawling back to me". Maybe he won't.
I laugh at you. Oh so sanctimonious with this "I was told I could be a model". Well sh*t...I was told I could be a great brain surgeon too.
You should be dropping the excessive tonnage for your health....besides looks and then for him too.
Well...talk is cheap baby. If you don't want to reap any benfits from it then why do it huh?
Oh...and too late....you already sound like a b*tch. A Class A one too.
Drop the weight first. Lets see if you have enough discipline to do that. One hundered pounds is a big number. Start with 25 first. See if you can hack that. Then work on the next 25. Know what? Get a divorce and see how much weight you'll drop. Best diet around if you ask me...stress.

Answer 2

Wow are you misguided. You and your husband are on the outs and I'll bet your weight has nothing to do with it. So now after you have decided to turn things around you do not wish him to reap any benefits or your "effort". You are mistaken that you are a beautiful person inside and out. The inside sounds like a spitefull child who anticipates the receipt of a new toy and he can't play with it.
I think you should lose this weight for you. But to insist that he stand by while you become attractive again only to move out is taking this to a whole new level of spitefullness that is not becoming in anyone much less an overweight wife. You did not get that way quickly and cannot understand how his feelings have wained as you have changed.
The way for you to assure that he is not going to have a new attitude is to keep this one. You should move out into a new apartment and begin a new life without him. The you will be free to starve yourself without dealing with him.
Maybe you should take a good hard look into the mirror and try to understand why you are in this state. Along with your increasing waistline came increasing neglect from your husband due to your percieved lack of self attention.
Ironic that the guy who you are trying to spite is the one who has not dumped you during this period.
Get Real. There is no way you can pull this off without looking and sounding like a biitch.
This has come to the place you put it. Long run this is how this should go. You should move out, may or may not lose weight and see if there is some other guy who would put up with you.
From here it looks like he is tired too. I will not tell you that for him to judge you on your appearance is right, its not. But it is reality.

Answer 3

First, I'm appalled by most of the opinions on here!

You would rather make changes for exiting your vows instead of keeping your vows?!!?! You say: How do I make sure that isnt an option for him without sounding like a bit ch?
"We just don't have a good relationship." Gee, I'll just drop everything and start over. You're a pathetic quitter. I hope your next man gets bored of you and just gives up and finds a nice young hot babe!

Your weight is your responsibility and it affects how a man thinks about you including your husband. Sounds like you haven't been trying very hard at all to please him. He needs to work on the marriage too, but you certainly have more to do also.

Answer 4

I am glad you decide to put u first. I am in need of losing weight also so maybe we can do it together. But, U having marriage problems but u never said nothing bad about ur husband. People go through things. U get mad at siblings, parents and u forgive them or time changes and things approves. So, U never said nothing seriuosly to end ur marriage. But, I am married and I been married for 14 years and I can tell u i feel like running away at times. Sometimes because of my weight I blame him for me getting so big. But it not his fault its mine. I think u should lose weight and be happy. But don't leave ur husband because ur body is getting smaller.U are still U. Tell him what u are exhausted about and talk.

Answer 5

Good for you for making your mind up to lose weight - not just for the aesthetics but for health too. I hope that you succeed.

I would keep an open mind about your marriage. Your husband probably will want to be with you again and then you can tell him about the things that concern you about the marriage. This is your time to lay it on the line. You never know - this could spark something that's been lying dead in your relationship. Don't give up just yet, ok?

Answer 6

LEAVE him. What are you doing being roomates with someone you obviously dont love or harbor feelings for anymore? For your own benefit, break free, start fresh, loose the weight and become your own person, without a husband as a "roomate". Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 7

Good for you I hope you lose the weight on your on terms and look like a model. He will be jealous of the attention. After you loose the weight if he still acts the same you know that its not you its him and when your gone and he sees how happy you are he will be miserable. So when you lose the weight go shopping and reinvent yourself and I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 8

You have to make sure you lose the weight for yourself and not for him. It sounds like you may be thinking about losing the weight just to see what his reaction will be. If he is your husband he should love you for you now not if and when you lose weight. I assume you mean that you and your husband don't have sex anymore????? Lose the weight for yourself because not only will you feel better physically but also mentally too. And seek counseling for the two of you.

Answer 9

oh wow..maybe your husband is not sexually attracted to your body and I think it's wrong for him to behave that way. ask him if he is still attracted to u or is it that you are fat? talk about it. Maybe you are not interested in having sex anymore with himand he's not happy about that? it could be any of the above and u should not jump to conclusions unless u ask him what is wrong.

YOu have a problem being over weight and you are the one who has to change that to make you happy..maybe then when u are a happier person, your relationship will become better...

You cannot just give up this way! hang in there...does your husband ever tell u why he is acting this way?

What happened to for better or for worse? what happend to communication????

Answer 10

get out of the marriage first and formost before you make any changes then you can say you are honestly doing this for yourself because it sounds like to me if you are still married to this man and you say you are done but you need to lose some weight and you dont want him to start crawling back to you when you do then you are doing it for him and not yourself so kick him to the curb and you do it for your self and then you find you a real man good luck