My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 months. I have always had trust issues with him for reasons I am not sure of. I think it just might be me, but i'm not usually that way in relationships. My friends also get the same vibe from him. He has never done anything to jeprodize my trust. Well, we are currently living together and I (stupidly) got a little nosy and found some recent letters in his wallet from a new co-worker who he's been kind of talking about lately. She's saying things like "how come you are so forward and insisting with me when you have a girlfriend?" and stuff about meeting up at the bar after work (they both work 3rd shift and the crew likes to hang at the bar in the mornings.) and going on break together. I wish I knew what was going on but I don't know if I should confront him on the basis that I was the nosy one (and I guess it seems for good reason.) Should I wait and see what happens? Should I just leave? or should I confront?
2006-10-26 05:53:51 · 8 answers · asked by chickypie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Trust has to work both ways. If you confron him with the information you found when you were poking around in his wallet, then he equally could make the case that he can't trust you; that you are always going to be snooping into his things.
However, that doesn't excuse him or his apparent behaviour, at least as described in the notes you found.
Obviously you had a hunch about whether you can trust him or not and as it turned out, it seems you can't.
Why don't you choose a calm time to sit with him and talk about your relationship in general terms. Tell him that you would like to reassess your decision to be together, whether you are both happy with the current arrangement. Tell him that perhaps there are people he would like to be taking out, to bars, etc. and watch his reaction. Either he will deny it or he may feel relieved that he is being given an "out".
Maybe you can indicate to him that his current life style of going out to bars in the morning is incompatible with yours and that maybe you each need your space.
I have a feeling that he is unsure or has changed his mind about making a commitment to you and you may have to consider leaving the relationship.
2006-10-26 06:08:16 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See what happens and get some therapy. I mean that too. The trust issues could've happened to be caused by something in your past and u can't have a healthy relationship this way snooping on your boyfriend.
2006-10-26 05:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it was by accident because you needed a couple extra bucks for taxi, yard man, pizza guy. And you saw them, they made you feel concerned.
Or, be honest, tell him you were feeling uncomfortable, and checked, these letters make you feel nervous.
You've only been together for 4 months, and living together, it might be moving too fast. Re-think how serious this relationship is. Why is he even writing letters to this other women?
2006-10-26 06:03:43 · answer #3 · answered by Fran Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is trying to cheat on you and I think you know it.
And if finding the letters hasn't jeopardized your trust, it should have, a definite 'red flag" that he is on the 'prowl". Only you know what needs to be done next, in your heart of hearts you know.
I wish you all the best in this situation, good luck.
2006-10-26 06:01:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
funny just went through pretty much the same thing just yesterday. i have brrn with my guy 6 mos, living together and i went thru his phone and found 2 txt mess aand also pics of an aquaintence of mine so i confronted him. I figure you gotta know who you are living with. He tried to lie and come up with all sorts of stuff but I held firm to my ground and never waivered. That IS WRONG..... What your guy id doing. Trying to create outside realtionships. CONFRONT HIM.....
2006-10-26 06:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by omandyyy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't confront, you won't be able to have any peace of mind. Yes, he will find out your snooping but hey, if you snoop and don't find than the person you snooped on would have no problem but when you seek and find, it was meant for me to know.
Now, if you snoop and he explains himself and you continue to stay in the relationship, I say forget and don't constantly nag him for a situation you chose to stay under.
It might be a explanation for what you have read and I am sure he will have one for you.
I don't believe in snooping because it shows your lack of trust with your mate but sometimes a little protecter goes off in our head telling us to look for things and when we find under those circumstances something we shouldn't have found, I feel it was meant to be found.
Me myself, have been led to places I wouldn't even had thought of snooping in only to find incriminating stuff against my mate.
When I find things whether painful or not, I say at least I know the character of who I am with and its up to me whether I choose to stay with such character. Good Luck!
2006-10-26 06:04:28 · answer #6 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would go to the bar. say something when u see him "surprise" to see his reaction. if the girl is right there tell her are u the girl who has been writhing the letters to him? if u ask him he will deni it. if u going to confront someone do it when they are both in front of u!!! that's what i did and he was cheating on me.. i hope that ur boyfriend isnt cheating on u.
2006-10-26 06:05:34 · answer #7 · answered by mustangsweetthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to "catch " him in the act ....but thats me. I think you should confront him, NOW!
2006-10-26 05:58:38 · answer #8 · answered by luvmycat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋